Bucket List of "NO's"....

"When someone tells me NO , it doesn't mean I can't do it, it simply means I can't do it with them..."


Do you remember when you were little and most of your memories consist of the work "NO"? Or can you remember back to when you were the parent and you have so many memories of telling your kids "NO", but a lot of times they defied you and did whatever "IT" was that they wanted to do? I have a lot of these memories from my childhood and also from the times I raised my kids.

I don't know what your individual life was like in any of your era's, but I know that we have all experienced so many of these "No's" in our lives and most likely receive a lot of "No's" in our futures. But does that really mean we can't do what ever it is that we so yearn to do?

I like to think we are not all confined to what ever it is that handicap us. I have many different chronic illnesses and unfortunately these illnesses can place a sharp curve on my daily life. Why must we each go through these rough illnesses in our lives? You guess is as good as mine? I like to think that we all have a happy ending in our future, but for some of us our future is going to be slightly different than others. Of course our futures are going to be different for all of us no matter what our bodily functions will be. I like to hope that my bodily functions won't be completely gone so I can at least enjoy what remains of my life.

With all of the multiple issues I am dealing with I am very aware of the fact that my life has been greatly shortened. Of course only God knows when my number will be called and either the great Angels will come down to get me and take me to heaven or the Grim Reaper will come up and take me to Hell. Either way I have a laundry list of questions for God or whom ever that I want answers to. What's so sad is that I had Gastric Bypass back in 2011 to be a healthier me and be around for many years to torture my kids until I would be at least the ripe old age of at least 100. So sadly I won't live to be 100 so I plan on starting today or tomorrow at torturing my kids, my family, my friends and so on with the greatest torture I can give and that will be with "LOVE"...

I don't know about you but I have a "bucket list" and I really don't want anyone to tell me "NO" to any of the items on my list. I do really think that each of us looks towards some kind of future that will include so many different things to experience. And I pray that my husband, my kids, family, friends etc will be by my side to encourage me, push me, pray with me, and enjoy with me everything that I want to do. And trust me my "bucket list" of things I wish to do, have changed a lot due to my unfortunate chronic illnesses I deal with daily.

So I don't care how old your are, how sick you are, how poor you are. Make a "Bucket List" and strive for even the simplest things such as (reuniting with family, drinking that root beer float, ride a Harley, fly in a hot air balloon, or be on America's Ninja Warrior, what ever your heart desires. Just simply start out small and work towards the big things but never ever let anyone tell you "NO", because you can do it. I have accomplished many things and I am working on accomplishing a lot more in my so called short future.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Be yourself...

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken!"


"Be yourself"...hmmm...I  am sure nobody else would want to be me?

My life has never ever been easy, especially when I sit back and relive my past. The best part about my past is my 3 children. I would not be fulfilled today if it had not been for my 3 kids. They are the best part of me and I strive to give them the best of me. Or at least what I hope to be the best of me.

My kids learned once they were grown that Mom really isn't as perfect as they always thought I was, but you know they still "love" me anyway. That is the most wonderful feeling ever; "Is to be loved".

But how many of us can actually say we "love" ourselves? We should be ourselves; because everyone else is taken. I am sure. As I stare at myself in the mirror these days what I see scares me. I look so worn, tired, uneasy, scared, fat, wrinkled, and so forth. I just simply don't like what I see staring back at me. Why is that? I do believe it is when I am not feeling well that I give myself an even harder time. Dealing daily with a chronic illness really puts the hurt on us. We hurt physically so then we hurt emotionally.

It occurred to me last night, during one of my husband's favorite TV shows when they were discussing never having a real birthday party is that I never ever really had a real birthday party. I mean my Mom did the best she could (even tho we were extremely poor) she always made us our favorite cake and our favorite supper and sometimes my Grandma and Grandpa would come over, but I never can ever remember having friends over and having a kids birthday party. Kind of sad at times. So then I worked very hard to give my kids a real actual birthday party almost every year as they were growing up. I made their favorite cake, their favorite meal and of course friends, sleep overs, movies, music, bike rides, dancing goofy, petting kitties & dogs, going camping, catching fireflies putting them in jars, catching caterpillars, running through the rain and diving for frogs, tad poles, gardening and eating the peas and tomatoes right out of the garden, climbing trees, playing in the leaves, barbeque our favorite meals, and simply watching them swing on their swing set from the window. But my favorite of all time was watching them run down the alley way getting off the bus and seeing their eyes light up when our cat and I would greet them and hand them homemade brownies and we would all sit on the front porch and eat them and giggle and enjoy our times together. (sniff sniff)... and unfortuantely when my kids were 15, 15 and 13 we were uprooted from our happy home life and I was forced to leave their father, and we were forced to leave our happy home and start over new.

So then I think "be yourself; everyone else is taken!!" I would do not want to be anyone else, because my memories with my kids are priceless. And I still see the spark in their eyes when we talk about our past fun times, and I also see the pain in their eyes when the conversation comes up about our abrupt move. And so I have always worked hard to keep life as normal as possible when you are a single parent, head of household, mother & father of kids, etc. So I was not perfect and it took my kids growing up way to fast to see that.

So I know "being yourself; because everyone else is taken" is something I have learned lately; and I would not want someone else to be me!!!! My life as I stated has been hard from the day I entered this earth. I do know God must have a big plan for me because he keeps insisting that I stay here on this earth. And all I know is that it must be so I can remain my kids Momma, my kids friends Momma, a wife to my wonderful new husband, a friend, a co-worker, and so much more.

So I plan on "being myself; and no one else"

How about you?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Change...

Life: Change...: "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!" This quote really resonates with me. I have been th...

Change...

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!"


This quote really resonates with me. I have been through so much physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and so forth that I have changed so very much. But I have chosen to never be reduced by it.

I truly think that most people in some sort of way have had so many things happen to them and they have let it reduce their lives by it. So why?

The church that I used to attend has a youth group service once a year, although I can no longer be a part of it due to distance, I still love them and long for them so very much. They were there for me when I needed them all the most during a most difficult change in my life and they taught me to never let it all reduce me. The people (whom I call my church family) taught me to "Be the Change" upon which they just had a recent youth group service and their message was about "Being the Change"...

So how can any of us "Be the Change" and yet let change happen to us but not let it reduce us?

A question I think we all face day in and day out. So we; as individuals; must look deep within and let ourselves decide do we let everything that has happened to us reduce us to a pile of ruble or do we stand back up with our heads up high and our backs up straight and face all of these new changes in a way that makes each of us stronger on the other side?

I know after the loss of my memory and falling into a pile on the front room floor about 3 weeks ago because I could not remember anything and I had lost my husbands anniversary present. And all I could think about was how, why and when will this misery stop? Then I realized the only way the misery was going to stop is in how I viewed it all. Do we let these horrible things take us down or do we look it all back in the face and move on? I have chosen to just take it all in stride and move on forward to my future (what ever it holds). And eventually I found my husbands anniversary gift. (In my purse of course).

So facing adversity, change or whatever, we can not let ourselves succumb to it all. Even when we are chronically ill and in a hospital bed with tubes and needles in us. Do we just hang it all up? I have went through so many surgeries, hospital stays, pain, suffering etc and yet I am still here. Why? I have asked this question to God so many times. Why am I still here? And all I can here is a voice deep in my head saying "I know the plans I have for you". Let me tell you I sure wish God would show me his plans he has for me. Because so far I haven't really enjoyed these plans much. But my wonderful husband has shown me that the plans God has for me they are not always the plans we have chosen for ourselves.

So we all must strive to "Be the Change"... Be the change that God wants us to be and strive to make this a better place here on earth for those we care for, like, love, etc. Even with all of the adversity going on in the news, even tho my son is always facing stoopid people and he wishes he could slap the stoopid off their faces and out of their mouths, I have taught him to just look at these people and smile and kill them with kindness for they do not know what God has planned for any of us. And maybe just maybe God has planned for each of us to "Be the Change"...

I have chosen to let what has happened to me change me but I have chosen to not let it reduce me. Yes this is hard some days and yet easy on other days. But I will not let it reduce me to tears.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Cry versus Smile...

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” 


How many of us have sat down and just simply cried because something we cherished or wanted was over? 

Just as I had stated awhile back in one of my blogs, I had indicated that we can choose to Rejoice or Mourn. This quote pretty much says the same thing. We can either cry because it's over, or simply smile because it happened to us. (No matter "what" it is)

Now I know a lot of men out there are going to sit back and say "I don't cry" its not a manly thing to do. Well let me tell you men and any nay sayer's out there, Crying is NOT for whimps or sissy's. Crying is a great way to show your true feelings, release those emotions that bottle up inside of all of us, and really does help one to feel better after a good cry. A good cry can be beneficial in a lot of different ways. So why is it that we all suffer many different illnesses? Chronic Illnesses? Is it because we don't take care of ourselves? Is it because we are being punished by a higher power? Is it because we weren't who we should be in maybe a prior life? Or are we just simply human?

I hope to think it is because we are simply human in a body that we are only given once, and sure if we choose to abuse and not take care of our bodies it goes against our minds and starts to cave in and becomes sick. I used to always think that I was being punished with bad health because I was to wild for so many years and that I did not always take care of myself. But then I realized that I am not being punished I am being given a chance to not really cry about things because it was over, but that I am given a chance to smile because it simply happened to me in my life.

So no matter what you are dealing with on a daily basis, its not always that bad. It could be worse. Such as a small toddler going thru chemo and radiation treatments with parents sitting back wondering why their child is going thru all of this. Or it could be that we watch a loved one die in a horrible car crash, or that these mass shootings are happening, or what ever horrible things are happening in the news daily. Then we all need to sit back in our chair or couch and take a look at our own lives. How bad is your own life? What can you do to make your life better for yourself and for others?

I know I have done this soooo many times, but I never really sat back and evaluated my life until I tried to take my own life, and let me tell you, you wake up to faces full of love and caring and understanding yet those same faces are unsure, unhappy, upset and realize they could have lost you. I have sat back and have came to the conclusions that I need to stop crying over the things that have I have lost, and instead smile over these things that have happened. Simply because these things that have happened in my life have made me the person I am today. And let me tell you I am beginning to like this person that I am today.

I am a strong, sensitive, loving, crazy, happy, caring, honory, chronically ill, mother, wife, lover, giver, taker, God loving, fearful, Bipolar, sickly, tired, exhausted, bucket list full kind of woman. It doesn't mean I love myself every single day, but I strive to love myself every single day.

So then "why are we all crying over things when we could actually sit back and smile because it has happened to us in our lives?"

Food for thought, or sort of

Keep Smiling

Carla

Loving the wrong person?

"Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'


Can all of us at least get a "hell yeah" on this question?

I know when I was younger I always thought I was truly "in-love" with someone I was dating. But you know once I got older and sat back and looked at those different failed relationships that it was never a really deep true love. I was just infatuated with someone at different points in my life.

But then when we do relinquish our hearts and open ourselves up to someone then we will experience a true deep love. How do I know this?  Well lets just say even though I may not 84 and I am only 48 I have lived so many different lives and I have been hurt so very much and being hurt is painful but if we never open up our hearts and learn to love then what is life going to be like for any of us?

Like the facebook post indicated:  "We are not going to get our Alive"  so my thoughts are just this:

If we are not going to get out of this Alive then I want to do so many more things on my bucket list, such as, eat more, drink more, dance more, love more, kiss our pets, kiss our loved ones, know that family is not always by blood, accept everyone (for we are not to judge), experience everything we can (even Walmart-I hate Walmart), drive in the fast lane, get a ticket, face all of our trials and tribulations that God puts each of us through, for God has not experienced Walmart yet (I still hate Walmart), love unconditionally, don't hate people (you can hate Walmart), work for someone who doesn't like you but treat them with the utmost respect, wake up happy (life is too short), try to stay healthy as possible (but still eat that ice cream or chocolate), buy a margarita blender and enjoy, watch Sponge Bob (ok I hate SpongeBob also - Jeff), let your spouse watch Big Bang Theory every night, learn to recite every episode of Big Bang Theory, watch great movies, go see movies in 3D, love music, sing even tho you really can't (for those of you who can't carry a tune-even in a paper sack), dream (never give up dreaming), laugh (it truly is the best medicine), pray each morning that you can see your feet, for once your feet hit the floor Satan collapses and God rejoices (and maybe for some its the other way around), cut that ice cream cake and play with all the little kids in your life, go ahead and shove that cake into your significant others face, never ever judge, paint a picture, take a great picture, drink sweet tea, (but always watch your sugar intake), I had always wanted to run a marathon (but I guess my stoopid body doesn't seem to agree with my head on this one), stay with people you love always, never turn your back on anyone (for you never know their pain and struggles), BE THE CHANGE,,, and so on and so on...

I am sure everyone has different dreams and aspirations they would love to do before we all don't get out of here Alive.

So have you ever found yourself Loving the wrong person? 

No one is ever the wrong person to love, they may just not be the person to stick in your life always. So open your heart let people in and love them, because some stay forever, some leave and some come back.

But let me tell you this much, when you look deeply into our lovers eyes and you see their pain, their sorrow, their care and their love then you know you have met and fell deeply in-love with the correct person

All My Love to Jeff, my dearest husband

Keep Smiling

Carla

Judge...

"Don't think or judge, just listen."


How many times have you caught yourself "judging" other people?

If you are human then this applies to all of us at some point in our lives. But who says we are "perfect" enough to judge other people?

I know I am not perfect and I am certainly most human; but that does NOT give me the right to sit back and judge others. So the best thing to do is to accept that all people are different in so many different ways and that each one of us is on our own journey through this "thing" we call life. I don't know about you but my journey has never been easy and appears to be somewhat shorter than what I had anticipated it to be.

I open up my closet every day now and hate the things that I have to wear because I have gained back like 50 lbs and most of it is due to the new medications I am on and it just depresses me even more. I was down to like 120 lbs 2 years ago and now because of my illness and medications I can not get that low anymore unless I starve myself to death and then due to my Gastroparesis I will never get that little again because my stoopid stomach won't empty like every one elses does.

So before you all sit back and judge someone, try walking in their shoes, try living in their minds, try looking at the world from their eyes, and see how you would feel? Living every day with a Chronic Illness makes one look at life somewhat differently than others.

So who gives each of us the right to "judge"?

No one does? Until you pass away and leave this world, you or no one, has the right to judge others. And if you are someone who judges or someone who has been judged I feel completely sorry for you.

So step back and take a look at your closet, how does it make you feel every day when you put your pants on the same way as everyone else does?

Keep Smiling

Carla