Become Important...

“It doesn't become important until you don't have it anymore.” 


So I ask you, "what is IT that is so important?"

I have sat back so many times and have asked myself this question.

For so many people the "it" in their lives are so many different things, such as money, job, love, health, kids, family, spouse, God, a higher power, and so on and so on...

So I guess one must sit back and prioritize that specific "it" in their own lives that they truly feel is the most important thing or set of things in their own lives. I know that since my health as deteroiated for the last several years that money is not on the top of my list as most important. Although as we all know; life revolves around money and it seems like that's what every body wants. The creditors, debtors, etc all desire to get our hard earned money before we even earn it. (That is if you can still work, and for some of us with a chronic illness that is hard to do)...

I have sat back and I have re-evaluated my life at different times and I have came to the realization that the most important "it"s in my life are my kids, my spouse, my God and it trickles on down from there.

As I sat around the dinning room table this past weekend with my 3 kids, my soon to be son-in-law, soon to be potential daughter-in-law and a good family friend (unfortuantely my husband could not be with us) and as I sat there and laughed (until we cried) and joked, and talked and played cards. It was one of my most memorable times with my kids.

I just simply feel so very sorry for parents who don't have their kids in their lives, or that kids have lost their parents or just anybody who has lost a very special someone.

Life is way too short to not enjoy our lives and compansionship with tour own families. It just makes me sad to know people are out there in this world alone. Sometimes it is their own decisions and that is their own free will, but I think if they could sit at the head of a dinning room table with their children and laugh, cry, etc these people would soon realize what they are missing.

So is "It" extremely important to wish for a million dollars, or a dollop of sour cream, or a better job, or whatever "it" is you desire? No. We all have free will to wish for, desire, want things in our lives. So we shouldn't beat ourselves up for these wants. (I dream all the time...I wish I could live on a remote warm, sunny island somewhere & of course with my kids, spouse and friends). I also wish I could have good health, some money to live on at least live comfortably, and a few other bucket list items. (that is human nature)

What do you truly desire that is your "it" important think in your life?

I like to think that I have many gifts that I can offer to people that hopefully can help enrich their lives and make it more full. I guess these are called gifts from God. So I like to think these gifts are my important "it's" in life.

Keep Smiling

Carla

 

Imperfections....

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” 


I guess I will start out with I must be a mad genious because I am certainly NOT perfect. I have many imperfections and I am sure all of us do.

But what are your "imperfections"? Have you really ever sat down and thought about it, or do you just look at yourself daily in the mirror and decide that your imperfections are always what makes you whom you are today?

I know I have let all of my imperfections rule my life and rule how I look at life. But this quote does kindo of make me sit back and wonder. If "imperfection is beauty, madness is genious then I guess it is better to be riduculous that boring". Trust me I am most certainly NOT boring. My kids, husband, friends, family etc have all told me many many times that I am a "one of a kind" person, exciting, entertaining and a storm in the making. I kind of like that fact. I am not 'tooting' my own horn, but I do have to agree I am "Not right"... I may be a religious fanatic (I just strive hard to rely on my faith), I am wild, I am dependable, I am mysterious, I am hilarious, I can do so many things that people can't do. My husband told me the other night that I am "sweet and kind"... I told him that is what a good wife is supposed to be.

But that is what makes us all unique and perfectly "imperfect".

I was walking in a haze yesterday. I had read on my facebook page that a sister of our Gastroparesis family had passed away from complications of this horrible disease. That really hit me hard. We all have been dealing with horrible life altering chronic illnesses some how. And I have stood and looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and I noticed several "imperfections"...and I was truly saddened by hearing of this loss. As we all struggle daily and I myself have been really struggling very hard and as you all know I have attempted to end all of the pain and misery back on June 2nd.

So I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I decided that even tho we all have multiple "imperfections" it's ok. We are human and not God. We are meant to all be different because that is what makes this world go around. I am "not"going to let my imperfections define who I am. I plan on defining who I am by the person I am and not the illnesses I have.

So how about you? What are you going to do? How are you going to face your "imperfections"?

I kind of like the idea of being ridiculous instead of boring. So I may work towards being this kind of person. Because boring is just that boring. (disclosure = boring is ok for awhile but life happens and being boring can be just that boring)...

So take a look at yourself in the mirror and really look at that person staring back at you. Decide that it's ok to be imperfect and that it's ok that we all have some kind of chronic illness and it's ok to be weak, or numb, or in a dark place, or sick or what ever demons have gripped you, because we can't choose to be happy if we all have never ever experienced heart ache.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Shadow...

"What do you see when you look at your own shadow?"


I don't know about you but I used to look at my shadow and was pleased with what I saw. Now I am not so sure...

So why do we all torture ourselves over how we look, how we feel, what we think, who we are, our social status and so on and so on and so on?

I had decided a long time ago that I was NOT going to live my life to please everyone else. I have always worked hard at being a good person, a good mother, a good wife, and good sister, a good aunt, and so forth. But you know what happens, you start to loose yourself when you work so hard to please everyone else. So what about pleasing yourself?

Alot of people state that if we go about life pleasing our owns wants, desires, etc that it makes one a selfish person? But is it really selfish to want to be happy? or to be content? or to love? or to what ever your heart desires?

I don't think so, because if we can't love ourselves, be happy with ourselves and so on, then we can't be a good person, good mother, good wife etc.

I do truly believe that your inner soul thrives to be who you want yourself to be and if you are truly who you want to be then it will show on your outside and your shadow will do a happy dance every time you stop to look at it.

So I do realize that life has a way of beating us all down. Beating us down to the point that when we look at our shadow we don't like what we see. So take some time for yourself every now and then so you can become content with your inner self and so your shadow will shine brightly even when we face a chronic illness, or loss, or hurt, pain, suffering, etc... Because we all must go through the trials and tribulations that are thrown at us when we walk on this earth and yet God asks us to be a good and happy person. So it's not really selfish to choose to be happy.

I have lost my zest for life about a month or so ago. And so when I have been looking at my shadow I haven't really liked what I see. My shadow seems to frown when I am down. So to make my shadow happy and dancing I need to choose to wake up happy every day and be thankful for what God (or a higher power) has given me. And so I look at my husband, my kids, my family, my work and so forth and I do truly believe I am a better person for having all of these things in my life and therefore I need to choose to wake up everyday and appreciate all that I have and not feel selfish for taking care of my inner happiness so I can continue to be a good person and then maybe just then I will take a look at my shadow and I will see it "Smiling back at me"...

Keep Smiling

Carla

Bucket List of "NO's"....

"When someone tells me NO , it doesn't mean I can't do it, it simply means I can't do it with them..."


Do you remember when you were little and most of your memories consist of the work "NO"? Or can you remember back to when you were the parent and you have so many memories of telling your kids "NO", but a lot of times they defied you and did whatever "IT" was that they wanted to do? I have a lot of these memories from my childhood and also from the times I raised my kids.

I don't know what your individual life was like in any of your era's, but I know that we have all experienced so many of these "No's" in our lives and most likely receive a lot of "No's" in our futures. But does that really mean we can't do what ever it is that we so yearn to do?

I like to think we are not all confined to what ever it is that handicap us. I have many different chronic illnesses and unfortunately these illnesses can place a sharp curve on my daily life. Why must we each go through these rough illnesses in our lives? You guess is as good as mine? I like to think that we all have a happy ending in our future, but for some of us our future is going to be slightly different than others. Of course our futures are going to be different for all of us no matter what our bodily functions will be. I like to hope that my bodily functions won't be completely gone so I can at least enjoy what remains of my life.

With all of the multiple issues I am dealing with I am very aware of the fact that my life has been greatly shortened. Of course only God knows when my number will be called and either the great Angels will come down to get me and take me to heaven or the Grim Reaper will come up and take me to Hell. Either way I have a laundry list of questions for God or whom ever that I want answers to. What's so sad is that I had Gastric Bypass back in 2011 to be a healthier me and be around for many years to torture my kids until I would be at least the ripe old age of at least 100. So sadly I won't live to be 100 so I plan on starting today or tomorrow at torturing my kids, my family, my friends and so on with the greatest torture I can give and that will be with "LOVE"...

I don't know about you but I have a "bucket list" and I really don't want anyone to tell me "NO" to any of the items on my list. I do really think that each of us looks towards some kind of future that will include so many different things to experience. And I pray that my husband, my kids, family, friends etc will be by my side to encourage me, push me, pray with me, and enjoy with me everything that I want to do. And trust me my "bucket list" of things I wish to do, have changed a lot due to my unfortunate chronic illnesses I deal with daily.

So I don't care how old your are, how sick you are, how poor you are. Make a "Bucket List" and strive for even the simplest things such as (reuniting with family, drinking that root beer float, ride a Harley, fly in a hot air balloon, or be on America's Ninja Warrior, what ever your heart desires. Just simply start out small and work towards the big things but never ever let anyone tell you "NO", because you can do it. I have accomplished many things and I am working on accomplishing a lot more in my so called short future.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Be yourself...

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken!"


"Be yourself"...hmmm...I  am sure nobody else would want to be me?

My life has never ever been easy, especially when I sit back and relive my past. The best part about my past is my 3 children. I would not be fulfilled today if it had not been for my 3 kids. They are the best part of me and I strive to give them the best of me. Or at least what I hope to be the best of me.

My kids learned once they were grown that Mom really isn't as perfect as they always thought I was, but you know they still "love" me anyway. That is the most wonderful feeling ever; "Is to be loved".

But how many of us can actually say we "love" ourselves? We should be ourselves; because everyone else is taken. I am sure. As I stare at myself in the mirror these days what I see scares me. I look so worn, tired, uneasy, scared, fat, wrinkled, and so forth. I just simply don't like what I see staring back at me. Why is that? I do believe it is when I am not feeling well that I give myself an even harder time. Dealing daily with a chronic illness really puts the hurt on us. We hurt physically so then we hurt emotionally.

It occurred to me last night, during one of my husband's favorite TV shows when they were discussing never having a real birthday party is that I never ever really had a real birthday party. I mean my Mom did the best she could (even tho we were extremely poor) she always made us our favorite cake and our favorite supper and sometimes my Grandma and Grandpa would come over, but I never can ever remember having friends over and having a kids birthday party. Kind of sad at times. So then I worked very hard to give my kids a real actual birthday party almost every year as they were growing up. I made their favorite cake, their favorite meal and of course friends, sleep overs, movies, music, bike rides, dancing goofy, petting kitties & dogs, going camping, catching fireflies putting them in jars, catching caterpillars, running through the rain and diving for frogs, tad poles, gardening and eating the peas and tomatoes right out of the garden, climbing trees, playing in the leaves, barbeque our favorite meals, and simply watching them swing on their swing set from the window. But my favorite of all time was watching them run down the alley way getting off the bus and seeing their eyes light up when our cat and I would greet them and hand them homemade brownies and we would all sit on the front porch and eat them and giggle and enjoy our times together. (sniff sniff)... and unfortuantely when my kids were 15, 15 and 13 we were uprooted from our happy home life and I was forced to leave their father, and we were forced to leave our happy home and start over new.

So then I think "be yourself; everyone else is taken!!" I would do not want to be anyone else, because my memories with my kids are priceless. And I still see the spark in their eyes when we talk about our past fun times, and I also see the pain in their eyes when the conversation comes up about our abrupt move. And so I have always worked hard to keep life as normal as possible when you are a single parent, head of household, mother & father of kids, etc. So I was not perfect and it took my kids growing up way to fast to see that.

So I know "being yourself; because everyone else is taken" is something I have learned lately; and I would not want someone else to be me!!!! My life as I stated has been hard from the day I entered this earth. I do know God must have a big plan for me because he keeps insisting that I stay here on this earth. And all I know is that it must be so I can remain my kids Momma, my kids friends Momma, a wife to my wonderful new husband, a friend, a co-worker, and so much more.

So I plan on "being myself; and no one else"

How about you?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Change...

Life: Change...: "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!" This quote really resonates with me. I have been th...

Change...

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!"


This quote really resonates with me. I have been through so much physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and so forth that I have changed so very much. But I have chosen to never be reduced by it.

I truly think that most people in some sort of way have had so many things happen to them and they have let it reduce their lives by it. So why?

The church that I used to attend has a youth group service once a year, although I can no longer be a part of it due to distance, I still love them and long for them so very much. They were there for me when I needed them all the most during a most difficult change in my life and they taught me to never let it all reduce me. The people (whom I call my church family) taught me to "Be the Change" upon which they just had a recent youth group service and their message was about "Being the Change"...

So how can any of us "Be the Change" and yet let change happen to us but not let it reduce us?

A question I think we all face day in and day out. So we; as individuals; must look deep within and let ourselves decide do we let everything that has happened to us reduce us to a pile of ruble or do we stand back up with our heads up high and our backs up straight and face all of these new changes in a way that makes each of us stronger on the other side?

I know after the loss of my memory and falling into a pile on the front room floor about 3 weeks ago because I could not remember anything and I had lost my husbands anniversary present. And all I could think about was how, why and when will this misery stop? Then I realized the only way the misery was going to stop is in how I viewed it all. Do we let these horrible things take us down or do we look it all back in the face and move on? I have chosen to just take it all in stride and move on forward to my future (what ever it holds). And eventually I found my husbands anniversary gift. (In my purse of course).

So facing adversity, change or whatever, we can not let ourselves succumb to it all. Even when we are chronically ill and in a hospital bed with tubes and needles in us. Do we just hang it all up? I have went through so many surgeries, hospital stays, pain, suffering etc and yet I am still here. Why? I have asked this question to God so many times. Why am I still here? And all I can here is a voice deep in my head saying "I know the plans I have for you". Let me tell you I sure wish God would show me his plans he has for me. Because so far I haven't really enjoyed these plans much. But my wonderful husband has shown me that the plans God has for me they are not always the plans we have chosen for ourselves.

So we all must strive to "Be the Change"... Be the change that God wants us to be and strive to make this a better place here on earth for those we care for, like, love, etc. Even with all of the adversity going on in the news, even tho my son is always facing stoopid people and he wishes he could slap the stoopid off their faces and out of their mouths, I have taught him to just look at these people and smile and kill them with kindness for they do not know what God has planned for any of us. And maybe just maybe God has planned for each of us to "Be the Change"...

I have chosen to let what has happened to me change me but I have chosen to not let it reduce me. Yes this is hard some days and yet easy on other days. But I will not let it reduce me to tears.

Keep Smiling

Carla