"Grace"

"I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us."

God is so mysterious because we can't touch him physically and all we can do it believe and God will place the Holy Spirit in us so that we can become aware of the mysteries of grace and helps all of us to move onto the next phase of our lives.

I don't know about you, but I do enjoy believing in God and all of his grace and glory. Worship to the King.

Grace comes to each of us in some sort of way, but do we really recognize it or see it?  It takes practice, patience and open minds to see the grace given to us by God. Sunsets, Sunrises, Puppies, kittens, birds singing, wind chimes, etc etc... These are all gifts from God in the form of grace or at least that is how I view things.

I have always been philosophical, I am not always patient but I strive to be sensible, calm, composed, philisophical and I love knowledge. I used to want to climb the corporate ladder, but now I have no care to do so. Your views and perspectives change simply because we have either aged, been thru alot of trials and tribulations, and pain & suffering, and so on. (We have been there and done that) So I have started to look at things much differently simply because of my multiple health issues.

Life is just way to short and when you have a chronic illness with a debilitating disease it changes your perspective on life. My desires are now to try to follow some of my bucket list dreams, get up each and every day and make it thru, and seek God when I can.

My 3 kids have always kept me young and vital and they still do even tho I don't live with them. I just could never ever imagine not having them at all. They have made me a better person, a better friend, a better believer, a better Momma than my own, and I will never ever regret having Aiden, Colleen and Kelsey.

I just keep holding onto that Grace and look forward to it asking me to "pay it forward".
Never ever be mean to anybody for you never know what they are going through, be kind as often as you can because it makes the other person happier and it gives you self gratification to know you may just have brightened someones day. Pay someones bill at the cash register either in front of you or behind you if you can afford to do so, because who knows they may be struggling. Offer prayer to those in pain and never forget to say a "Hallelujah"...

My Gastroparesis, Fibromyalgia, COPD, Trichotillmania, bad back pain and just the simple nausea and vomiting daily really makes a person think. I will keep fighting for my children and my wonderful husband, but sometimes you have to sit and think and learn a new perspective on life. I know that I may not be around for a very long time simply because the Gastroparesis is debilitating and I forsee my health to continue to deterioate. So I just have to remember to love, laugh and give to others as often as I can.

Doesn't mean I have wonderful days all the time, we all have days where we wish we could just simply hide or run away. (Gosh have I wanted to run away many times)...

So, how do you view Grace?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Defiant versus Independent

I have always been a very Independent person, have had to since I was a very young age. We all have to protect ourselves in some ways and then we all need to let others help us in some ways also. But I grew up learning at an early age that I had to learn to cover my own ass or it was going to be beat or yelled at or whatever. So no my child hood was not good, to say the least.

Being Defiant is boldly resisting or challenging others, and I do believe last night I showed that kind of defiancy. Was I proud of myself for being that way, NO.... but I think it comes from my lack of trust, my past keeping me in a protective mode.

I have had to become very protective of myself because I learned early on NO ONE else was going to do it... and I know I passed that onto my 3 kids. So we all need to be independent but not necessarily defiant.

I do have to say, I have never ever liked anybody telling me what to do. I've always been the kind of person where I want to do what I want to do...but I am someone who will never ever HURT anyone unless they mess with me, my kids, my family etc. My Daddy did teach me to be "kind" to everyone because some day you may never know when you might need help.

I guess I am to that point of where I need help. But I have a hard time doing that, letting someone else help me. I don't like the health issues I have been dealt, and I guess no one ever does like to have bad health. So therefore it makes me protective of myself. I am sorry if I seem a little defiant at times or to independent at times. But that does not mean that I don't care what others think or feel. We are all allowed our own feelings and thinking, thats what makes us all independent.

But I may be independent but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with someone to help care for me and love me. So I may be disappointing at times, but I do love my family and my husband very much.

I will keep fighting as long as I have the fight left in me and I will stive to stay on this earth with my family and husband until God calls me home. Its just that I know what my body is all about, I have become very in tune to my body and I know it very well and all the signals it sends to me. So let me take care of me.

I HATE having Gastroparesis, Firbromyalgia, COPD, Synethisia, and Trichotillomania along with allergies... I have a love/hate relationship with my J/G feeding tube but I have it for nutritional value to help sustain me. How long it will sustain me?  I really don't know. All I want to do here on earth now is enjoy the gifts given to all of us from God. These gifts are little things, big things, miracles and so just open your eyes up and take notice. The senses will guide you along the way.

I am sorry if I am somewhat defiant at times or way to independent at times, but this is me and I am not changing for anyone. I am 48 and I know what I want and when I want it.

I am not scared to die, God is offering his final destination to be a great homecoming and I know my Daddy and grandparents are up there waiting for me. I have had a great life with so many fun times, emotional times, trying times, loving times, fun times and yes some very many wild times. So I know I have lived a good life thus far. I pray that I can continue to love and live a little longer so I can still enjoy many times ahead of me.

So to wrap it up, try not to be to defiant (because you can't change the world, but you can be the change) and being a little independent is ok. Just don't give up on kindness and love. That is what will make the world a better place, Peace, Kindess and Love.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Laughter

“Laughter is deliverance, bubbly salvation.”

I completely agree with this sentence. Laughter is truly a way to show God and others that you are working hard to make it through life. God offers salvation to those who love and worship him.
No matter what denomination you are or if you just truly don't believe in God, he stills loves us.

I have been through so much when it comes to my kids, (suicide attempts, teenagers, etc etc) need I say more, 3 teens I raised on my own without much help from their father. So I had to become a strong person.

My 3 kids are all raised now and I am onto my second marriage. I am truly proud of my 3 kids, they are healthy, strong and very close. They are all very close to me also. My best moments and memories are of them when we all used to sit together and talk and just simply laugh. And I know when I laugh and I am with them I am the happiest....

So how do we all learn to swallow the empty nest syndrome and face our new realities? With my health problems, it is hard. I've had to learn to do many things on my own, (Like go out to eat by myself, take myself to doctor appts, take myself to the hospital, have a heart catheter done all by myself etc etc)....

I just wish life was so much easier, God always like to give us so many trials and tribulations and I am really worn out from all of it... So I use Laughter to survive...

What about you?

Keep Smiling

Carla

The Hill

Good day,

This is a whole new week and like Kermit here states. I will never be over the hill, cause I'm just way to darned tired to climb it...

My health was good over the weekend, didn't get sick much and I was able to stay out of the ER. Although I was in the ER twice last week. This Gastroparesis will be the death of me I just know it.... and that doesn't include the COPD, Allergies, Fibromyalgia, etc...

Have you ever just sat down and asked "Why me?" I know I have, but I'm still waiting on that answer. But to some degree I think I know what that answer is. It is to help pave the way for others to seek help either by being postive or looking to God for help.

Lord knows I have done this many times. It all started when I gave birth to twin babies back in 1993 and I kept asking "Why me" but you know I was truly blessed with the most amazing children and so I had another child in 1995. These 3 have been my whole life and I could never ever image not having them in my life. So even tho we all may have regrets, having my children with my ex is not a mistake or regret at all.... But they are truly a blessing.

As I sit back and look at my past, I have alot of regrets but I have a lot of great memories. Memories that I will cherish for ever.

Take a look at your life and you "Hill" and see where you have come and where you are going. Our outlooks on life change daily. Choices are something we all must make at multiple times in our lives and some turn out good and some not so good. But our children are a true blessing from God.

So about that "Hill", I guess I will keep trying to climb, but I really think (pretty certain) I am on my way down....

Keep Smiling

Carla

To be Yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

In this world today life is a constant change of ups and downs... How do we manuver thru all of these ups and downs is what makes us who we are. How do you think you do it?  I do it with my strong faith for God.

My health is always under examination and I work hard every day to make it through the constant change at every moment. Some moments in my days are good and over moments in my life are not so good. But that's when I look to God for comfort and my husband for the love I need.

Yesterday was a bad day for me, I had to leave work because my hospital excuse said I couldn't return to work until 4/24, I had to go back home (which was nice) but then I didn't have a house key to get in and so I had to use my Microsoft Surface to message my daughter to contact my son or husband to get into the house. Thank God she got ahold of my husband, but then I droped my Surface onto the concrete and broke the screen. Lets just say alot of choice words came out at that time, and I was in a fit of rage.... But the best part is that is is replacable and all I have to do it send it back to the company and they will send me a new one... But my husband was afraid of how I was acting so he begged my son to come stay with me for awile. Yes I was probably at that point Suicidal. Although I had no meds to take to kill myself and I would never want to do that to my kids and my hubby.

Dealing every day with a several chronic illnesses is a very major challenge. I am looking at most certainly a very early medical retirment in the nearest future. Sometimes just getting up and coming to work makes me sick. And I hurt all the time and spend alot of time in the bathroom. (TMI)...

Lets just say I hope and pray that no one I know ever gets Gastroparesis, Fibromyalgia, COPD, and restless leg syndrome. I just seem to be plagued.

I get really tired of people saying "well at least you don't have cancer". Let me tell you at least with cancer you usually know how its all going to end, with what we GPers have we don't know when it will end and it usually never does. We are always sick, vomit almost every single day, doctors get frustrated and families feel so helpless.

So I encourage anyone who knows or has friends and family with Gastroparesis or other illnesses to look it all up, read about it and become very informed to be a back bone for those of us with these health issues...

Until next time, I hope to have a bonfire with my hubby and lay on a blanket by the fire tonight and look at the stars and dream and wish. Because the best things in life are the little things we all need to look at differently, such as music, sunrises, sunsets, flying kites, fur babies, glass of wine, etc etc...

Love and Light...

Keep Smiling

Carla

Lighthouses

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

So lighthouses stay bright for all of the boats for safety. Then what is your light that you have for safety?  I don't know about you all, but I use God as my light for safety. I don't know why
anyone would ever want to deny God, I guess because if you can't really touch, see or feel him then its hard to believe in him. But if you sit back and look at life a little differently you will start to see the gifts that we are given by God every day. Such as butterflies, sunrises, sunsets, the moon, flowers blooming, wind to fly kites and puppies and kittens. I know I am not going to give up on God as long as he doesn't give up on me.

My health issues keep debilitating me more and more everyday, so every morning my dogs Sadie, Maggie and my kitty Ella and I look an watch the sunrise and it is so beautiful at times.

So keep looking towards the Lighthouses in your life and smile, because these are our gifts.

I not only have Gastroparesis, I have Fibromyalgia, COPD, and a J/G tube. Are these my gifts from God, most likely not, although he uses these kinds of issues to help us build up a stronger faith to carry each of us through out life. Do we all get worn down from all of these trials and tribulations? Yes, but how you look at life makes a difference. Don't get me wrong I have many days where I am just beat up and can't look at things better, but then days, like the birds singing and great music help me to feel somewhat better.

So lets all try to be a "Lighthouse" for someone today and be kind because thats all this world needs is kindness.

Keep Smiling

Carla

History

This is the beginning to the end of life as we all can forsee it.

I am a 48 year old female being born the 3rd child and did not have a good childhood, but one can not dwell on that. I had to learn at a very early age to pick myself up, hold my head up high and be the strong person that I had to become. My paternal grandma was my biggest supporter in regards to my strength and my strong faith.

God has been driving the wheel for me for a very long time. And with him I owe my life.

Technically I should have died 3 times in my life. Twice giving birth to my twins and then to my younger daughter and then a perforated ulcer in my stomach pouch after I had Gastric Bypass.

I have twins that are 22, 22 and a 20 year old. They are the light of my life and always will be. I now also have 5 step children and 3 step-grandchildren. I have a wonderful 2nd husband with whom is my rock thru all of my illness, where most men walked away, he decided to stay with me and I will be forever grateful.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Bodies

"If you have a body, you are entitled to the full range of feelings. It comes with the package."

Mind, body and soul, that is what God gave us. Sometimes, we may not like (or alot of times) we may not like the health or body we were given, but still are entitled to the full range of feelings. Sometimes these feelings are good, bad, indifferent, opinionated and yet philisophical. But we are given free will from God. Its all in how we use this free will and how we handle the feelings we are entitled to.

I struggle daily and that is completely normal especially since I deal daily with major health issues. But we can't always let that stop us from loving the body we were given and feeling the way we feel.

I guess we all need to look deep inside and see what our whole package is about?

I know what mine is, do you?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Never ending

It appears that this life we face is never ending.

One thing I have learned is "It's better to kind than to be right".
That is something I have always taught my kids. Being kind is the way the world
needs to be, instead everyone thinks they are right. Lord knows I am not right and when I do
discover that I am right I like to relish in it (like my yorkie rolling in rabbit poop)... But those times are few and far between.

Life is never ending and it is a "Landslide" once we have reached our peak. I do see myself sliding down the hill since I reached my peak. Now if life would just either slow down or get faster so I don't have to keep enduring this never ending pain and suffereing.

Keep Smiling

Carla