Sunday, July 19, 2015
Life: Live all the days...
Life: Live all the days...: "May you love all the days of your life!!" Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past ...
Live all the days...
"May you love all the days of your life!!"
Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past you and you have forgotten how to live it?
I am sure some of us can really understand this quote. I know I have laid in a hospital bed so many different times in my life and thought is this how its going to end for me and I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Or so I have thought. But you know for most of us, we have lived our lives. We have given birth to our children, we have gotten married, we have been loved, we have worked, we have the choice to drive, we have been given many opportunities in our own lives to live. Its just we have all not really sat back and realized these wonderful things we have been given. Oh and don't get me wrong there are so many other things in life that I would give anything more than to do or be part of.
I would love to sit on a Harley and ride across the states, or I would love to ride in a hot air balloon and soar through the air like a bird (free with no cares in this world) or I can't wait to be the mother or a bride (being my 2 daughters) or the mother of the groom (when my son gets married), I want to live to see the birth of my grandbabies, etc. But yet I sit here everyday and wonder "why me?" Why has God chosen me to be sick? Is it because he feels I have already lived my life to the fullest? No I don't think so. Its because God knows that I can learn to live all the days of my life as if tomorrow was my last.
Those of us who are chronically ill can either sick back and let life pass us by simply because we chose to let it do so. Or we can simply choose to life our lives in the best way that we can. Don't get me wrong I want to just crawl under the blankets many different times and say "I don't want to face today!!" but then I remember that life is worth living for because God has give us this life whether we like it or not.
I know I am always asking "Where is my maid?" I get so tired of being the maid, but then I realize I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I may be chronically ill, but I have so much. I have my home, I have food, I have a warm bed to sleep in and all of these things are more than what a lot of people have. So why do we forget to live the lives that we have? Because we get caught up in the "why me!!"....I know I have because I got caught up in the why me and so I overdosed on my pain meds back in June. I didn't stop to think all I wanted to do was stop the pain. I didn't realize the pain I was going to cause my husband, my kids, my family, my work etc. So I began to realize I could sit back and question "why me" and stop living the life I am meant to live or I could pull up my big girl panties and become a better person.
Thus I have started going to Planet Fitness and working out. Trust me it is hard, I have to talk myself into it. I do get sick and sometimes I have to stop and vomit but I get right back on that spin cycle and I go for a goal that I have set myself for that day. And you know what I am starting to feel better about myself. One of my bucket lists have been to run a marathon. Is this an attainable goal? Well maybe but I am not going to stop living my life, I am going to continue to work out to better myself for my husband, my family, my friends, my work and for myself and hey if I am lucky enough to run that marathon (may it be a small one) at least I have strived to live my life that has been placed in front of me. So yeah I am a strong willed woman and I want so much more in my life before I enter the pearly gates of heaven.
So my wish for each and everyone of you reading this, "May you learn to love the life you have been given"... because this is it. There is no other life (or at least we know of) and we all need to embrace who we are, whether we are chronically ill or not and get out there and do those small baby steps to make ourselves happier with who we are.
I know I am...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past you and you have forgotten how to live it?
I am sure some of us can really understand this quote. I know I have laid in a hospital bed so many different times in my life and thought is this how its going to end for me and I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Or so I have thought. But you know for most of us, we have lived our lives. We have given birth to our children, we have gotten married, we have been loved, we have worked, we have the choice to drive, we have been given many opportunities in our own lives to live. Its just we have all not really sat back and realized these wonderful things we have been given. Oh and don't get me wrong there are so many other things in life that I would give anything more than to do or be part of.
I would love to sit on a Harley and ride across the states, or I would love to ride in a hot air balloon and soar through the air like a bird (free with no cares in this world) or I can't wait to be the mother or a bride (being my 2 daughters) or the mother of the groom (when my son gets married), I want to live to see the birth of my grandbabies, etc. But yet I sit here everyday and wonder "why me?" Why has God chosen me to be sick? Is it because he feels I have already lived my life to the fullest? No I don't think so. Its because God knows that I can learn to live all the days of my life as if tomorrow was my last.
Those of us who are chronically ill can either sick back and let life pass us by simply because we chose to let it do so. Or we can simply choose to life our lives in the best way that we can. Don't get me wrong I want to just crawl under the blankets many different times and say "I don't want to face today!!" but then I remember that life is worth living for because God has give us this life whether we like it or not.
I know I am always asking "Where is my maid?" I get so tired of being the maid, but then I realize I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I may be chronically ill, but I have so much. I have my home, I have food, I have a warm bed to sleep in and all of these things are more than what a lot of people have. So why do we forget to live the lives that we have? Because we get caught up in the "why me!!"....I know I have because I got caught up in the why me and so I overdosed on my pain meds back in June. I didn't stop to think all I wanted to do was stop the pain. I didn't realize the pain I was going to cause my husband, my kids, my family, my work etc. So I began to realize I could sit back and question "why me" and stop living the life I am meant to live or I could pull up my big girl panties and become a better person.
Thus I have started going to Planet Fitness and working out. Trust me it is hard, I have to talk myself into it. I do get sick and sometimes I have to stop and vomit but I get right back on that spin cycle and I go for a goal that I have set myself for that day. And you know what I am starting to feel better about myself. One of my bucket lists have been to run a marathon. Is this an attainable goal? Well maybe but I am not going to stop living my life, I am going to continue to work out to better myself for my husband, my family, my friends, my work and for myself and hey if I am lucky enough to run that marathon (may it be a small one) at least I have strived to live my life that has been placed in front of me. So yeah I am a strong willed woman and I want so much more in my life before I enter the pearly gates of heaven.
So my wish for each and everyone of you reading this, "May you learn to love the life you have been given"... because this is it. There is no other life (or at least we know of) and we all need to embrace who we are, whether we are chronically ill or not and get out there and do those small baby steps to make ourselves happier with who we are.
I know I am...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Friday, July 17, 2015
Life: Die tomorrow, live forever...
Life: Die tomorrow, live forever...: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have......
Die tomorrow, live forever...
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have...
It is ever so humbling to know that I have defied the odds 3 times and God did not take me to heaven. I guess he has always felt that I am needed here on earth for a little longer. But why of why? He has plagued me with several chronic illnesses? So I guess this question will never be answered until I reach the gates of heaven; which will be long away instead of sooner.
As I sat on my spin cycle at Planet Fitness last night, I was becoming ever increasingly nauseous and had to go vomit and then I continued to work hard simply because I need to work harder to remain healthy as possible for myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my work, and etc etc. But I sat there wondering "Can I just run away?". I supposed I could but unfortunately it all would follow me, the sickness, the bills, etc and my husband and kids would most likely miss me. Although they know where they could find me.
I am striving to learn to live as if I could live forever, but boy if I could live forever I would most certainly want to be healthy. I don't know about any of you but living forever and being chronically ill would NOT be my idea of fun. But you know, I would still give my all to God, my family, my work etc. Because if we can not give our all to this cold cruel world then why should we live forever.
As I placed my Dad and Mom into their grave I grieved. But why do we grieve? They are the better, because they can sit at the right hand of God, as we are still here to carry on in the world. This world that God has given us. So why is it that some people go sooner than others? Simply because God must either be done with their journey on earth or he needs them as Angels. I like to think that God has saved me and left me on this earth simply because he needs Angels here on earth.
But why is it, that I can help others but I can not help myself? I think it is because I have learned so much in my short 48 years. My life has NOT been easy at all, and I have experienced way too many things (i.e. horrible pregnancies, beautiful preemie babies, cheating husband, divorce, being a mistress, living alone, having to leave my kids for work, moving across the state, becoming a mother to soo many unwanted unfortunate kids, being a Angel to those who have needed me, and just simply finding a new family)... and so much more. Nope I am not perfect by no means.
So I wish to live like I am going to die tomorrow (and I am well aware of the fact that my life has been shortened greatly due to my chronic illnesses - I guess we are all terminally ill, we just don't know when God will call us to heaven)... and yet I want to learn as if I could live forever.
Learning is a great gift. Our minds are a great computer that thrives for knowledge, so never ever shut it off. I have had to work hard to bring back my memories since I overdosed back on June 2nd. Trust me nothing is as scary as not being able to remember faces, remember where you live, remember how to drive to work, remember where you placed things, and simply looking in the mirror and wondering how can I continue on. But then I looked into my husbands eyes and my kids faces and then I remembered why I am here on earth. That is to live like I am going to die tomorrow, but learning to live forever.
Even if you don't believe in God, there is a higher power than what we are here on earth, and this higher power has entrusted each one of us with a great mind and if we chose not to use it that is our fault. We all need to realize that we have our own minds, hearts, & soul and so we must learn to achieve what we feel is happiness, love, friendship, companionship and unconditional love for others.
Then maybe the world would just simply be living like we would die tomorrow and yet learn to live forever.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have...
It is ever so humbling to know that I have defied the odds 3 times and God did not take me to heaven. I guess he has always felt that I am needed here on earth for a little longer. But why of why? He has plagued me with several chronic illnesses? So I guess this question will never be answered until I reach the gates of heaven; which will be long away instead of sooner.
As I sat on my spin cycle at Planet Fitness last night, I was becoming ever increasingly nauseous and had to go vomit and then I continued to work hard simply because I need to work harder to remain healthy as possible for myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my work, and etc etc. But I sat there wondering "Can I just run away?". I supposed I could but unfortunately it all would follow me, the sickness, the bills, etc and my husband and kids would most likely miss me. Although they know where they could find me.
I am striving to learn to live as if I could live forever, but boy if I could live forever I would most certainly want to be healthy. I don't know about any of you but living forever and being chronically ill would NOT be my idea of fun. But you know, I would still give my all to God, my family, my work etc. Because if we can not give our all to this cold cruel world then why should we live forever.
As I placed my Dad and Mom into their grave I grieved. But why do we grieve? They are the better, because they can sit at the right hand of God, as we are still here to carry on in the world. This world that God has given us. So why is it that some people go sooner than others? Simply because God must either be done with their journey on earth or he needs them as Angels. I like to think that God has saved me and left me on this earth simply because he needs Angels here on earth.
But why is it, that I can help others but I can not help myself? I think it is because I have learned so much in my short 48 years. My life has NOT been easy at all, and I have experienced way too many things (i.e. horrible pregnancies, beautiful preemie babies, cheating husband, divorce, being a mistress, living alone, having to leave my kids for work, moving across the state, becoming a mother to soo many unwanted unfortunate kids, being a Angel to those who have needed me, and just simply finding a new family)... and so much more. Nope I am not perfect by no means.
So I wish to live like I am going to die tomorrow (and I am well aware of the fact that my life has been shortened greatly due to my chronic illnesses - I guess we are all terminally ill, we just don't know when God will call us to heaven)... and yet I want to learn as if I could live forever.
Learning is a great gift. Our minds are a great computer that thrives for knowledge, so never ever shut it off. I have had to work hard to bring back my memories since I overdosed back on June 2nd. Trust me nothing is as scary as not being able to remember faces, remember where you live, remember how to drive to work, remember where you placed things, and simply looking in the mirror and wondering how can I continue on. But then I looked into my husbands eyes and my kids faces and then I remembered why I am here on earth. That is to live like I am going to die tomorrow, but learning to live forever.
Even if you don't believe in God, there is a higher power than what we are here on earth, and this higher power has entrusted each one of us with a great mind and if we chose not to use it that is our fault. We all need to realize that we have our own minds, hearts, & soul and so we must learn to achieve what we feel is happiness, love, friendship, companionship and unconditional love for others.
Then maybe the world would just simply be living like we would die tomorrow and yet learn to live forever.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Life: Underestimate me....
Life: Underestimate me....: "Don't underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realize." Have you ever...
Underestimate me....
"Don't underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realize."
Have you ever noticed that at times "silence is golden?"
I know most people can probably relate to this statement/quote. I know I certainly can. I always had to teach my kids that there are times and places to speak or to listen. But never ever let anyone underestimate you.
As I think about this quote is does come to mind that we all have our own thoughts, our own feelings, and some of us just never ever get noticed. We are people here on earth that help make the earth revolve, but do people really understand us? That is what makes life interesting. The cultural differences that we all are. If we were all alike the world would be a boring place.
I have always risen to a challenge (that is completely my character) when someone tells me "No" I can't do it. My ex-husband found out the hard way to never underestimate me. I knew more than I said, and I physically thought out the process and I was able rise to the challenge and thus forth our 3 kids and myself moved out of the house abruptly because he was having an affair, but he told me once "You will never leave me, you don't have the courage", boy did I ever prove him wrong.
Now my life has taken a much different direction and a direction I never ever thought would happen. Sometimes we all just let our gut instincts guide us or we are head strong and guide our own paths; however you do it is all your choice. Just don't let anyone underestimate the power that you have in being yourself and living your life as you choose.
When even being chronically ill, I am trying to set goals for myself and learning how to navigate this hell on earth (My body has been trapped into a personal hell with all of my health issues). But one thing is for sure I never let anyone underestimate me now. Not after all that I have been through.
We must keep our eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste and any and all senses up and going constantly. Because it is with our own free will that we can learn to take in all of our surroundings, choose to enjoy these moments or special gifts, and no always have to talk about them. We all don't have to be arrogant in the way we talk. It is a good thing at times to just let ourselves to sit back and listen, deep think, and notice more than others. I always like to take my dog, Maggie, outside and we experience our surroundings. It is interesting to look at life through a dog or pet's eyes. We, humans, are their people and we must take care of them to keep them healthy and happy. And I see Maggie's eyes light up when I come home. She truly knows what all of her senses tell her. So she may not be able to speak but trust me never underestimate this little girl because she is smart.
What part of your senses have you used lately? These senses can help you to evolve and become more aware of your surroundings and it helps you to establish who you are. And possibly just possibly people with stop underestimating you, and then you can speak, and show that you do know more than they realized.
Stop to smell the roses (so to speak) today. And look at your surroundings and never ever let anyone "underestimate" you!! No matter how sickly you are, or how depressed you are, and so on. Because you are a unique you and that is a good thing.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever noticed that at times "silence is golden?"
I know most people can probably relate to this statement/quote. I know I certainly can. I always had to teach my kids that there are times and places to speak or to listen. But never ever let anyone underestimate you.
As I think about this quote is does come to mind that we all have our own thoughts, our own feelings, and some of us just never ever get noticed. We are people here on earth that help make the earth revolve, but do people really understand us? That is what makes life interesting. The cultural differences that we all are. If we were all alike the world would be a boring place.
I have always risen to a challenge (that is completely my character) when someone tells me "No" I can't do it. My ex-husband found out the hard way to never underestimate me. I knew more than I said, and I physically thought out the process and I was able rise to the challenge and thus forth our 3 kids and myself moved out of the house abruptly because he was having an affair, but he told me once "You will never leave me, you don't have the courage", boy did I ever prove him wrong.
Now my life has taken a much different direction and a direction I never ever thought would happen. Sometimes we all just let our gut instincts guide us or we are head strong and guide our own paths; however you do it is all your choice. Just don't let anyone underestimate the power that you have in being yourself and living your life as you choose.
When even being chronically ill, I am trying to set goals for myself and learning how to navigate this hell on earth (My body has been trapped into a personal hell with all of my health issues). But one thing is for sure I never let anyone underestimate me now. Not after all that I have been through.
We must keep our eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste and any and all senses up and going constantly. Because it is with our own free will that we can learn to take in all of our surroundings, choose to enjoy these moments or special gifts, and no always have to talk about them. We all don't have to be arrogant in the way we talk. It is a good thing at times to just let ourselves to sit back and listen, deep think, and notice more than others. I always like to take my dog, Maggie, outside and we experience our surroundings. It is interesting to look at life through a dog or pet's eyes. We, humans, are their people and we must take care of them to keep them healthy and happy. And I see Maggie's eyes light up when I come home. She truly knows what all of her senses tell her. So she may not be able to speak but trust me never underestimate this little girl because she is smart.
What part of your senses have you used lately? These senses can help you to evolve and become more aware of your surroundings and it helps you to establish who you are. And possibly just possibly people with stop underestimating you, and then you can speak, and show that you do know more than they realized.
Stop to smell the roses (so to speak) today. And look at your surroundings and never ever let anyone "underestimate" you!! No matter how sickly you are, or how depressed you are, and so on. Because you are a unique you and that is a good thing.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Trust....
“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.”
This quote really resonates with me.
I am always saying "enough is enough God, I can't handle anything more"...
But it just seems that God assumes that I am a stronger person than I wish to accept. But as I look back on my life from birth until now, I am a very head strong, strong willed, stubborn person. Yet I love unconditionally and I give my all with nothing left for me to have. But that is who I am and how I am.
I feel that God has given me many gifts to share, so I work daily to offer my gifts. It's just so hard when God throws so many trials & tribulations towards me to handle. That is when my buckets I keep carrying on my shoulders seem to get heavier and heavier until I break down. But what we all must do daily is take on these tests from God and let him carry those buckets so we don't get so distraught or heavy burdened.
Have you ever experienced this quote? How have you managed in your life to handle all of which God expects you to do and to trust?
Trust is the hardest thing I have had to learn to deal with. Is it easy "NO" in fact it gets even harder especially when we all deal with some kind of health issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, and so on and so on.... But we must learn to follow our gut instincts and our hearts, because sometimes we tend to over analyze everything and then we push away what is truly the best thing for us because our heads are wicked and but our hearts are open (if we allow our heart to be open)...
So some self protection takes place among all of us in some sort of way. But are you too self protective? That when God does give us us a task to handle that we tend to shy away from these tasks or trials and tribulations. I decided a long time ago that if and when God does hand me these tasks that I should face them head on. It certainly isn't easy, but I do it. I have just had to learn to let God control it all.
I do realize that when you are Chronically ill, that life just seems to get sucked out of you. I completely understand this feeling. I face a struggle each and every day to stay awake, to not vomit, to exercise, and so on. But I have just been telling myself that God must have a plan for my wickedly bad health. I just wish I knew the full answer.
So how does one learn to trust? In my instances, I have just followed what my gut instincts say and I am usually 99% right.
So sit back take a moment and look at what God gives you to handle, and understand that he knows he can trust you. All you have to do is learn to trust yourself and then trust others. Because we were all made in God's eyes.
Keep Smiling
Carla
This quote really resonates with me.
I am always saying "enough is enough God, I can't handle anything more"...
But it just seems that God assumes that I am a stronger person than I wish to accept. But as I look back on my life from birth until now, I am a very head strong, strong willed, stubborn person. Yet I love unconditionally and I give my all with nothing left for me to have. But that is who I am and how I am.
I feel that God has given me many gifts to share, so I work daily to offer my gifts. It's just so hard when God throws so many trials & tribulations towards me to handle. That is when my buckets I keep carrying on my shoulders seem to get heavier and heavier until I break down. But what we all must do daily is take on these tests from God and let him carry those buckets so we don't get so distraught or heavy burdened.
Have you ever experienced this quote? How have you managed in your life to handle all of which God expects you to do and to trust?
Trust is the hardest thing I have had to learn to deal with. Is it easy "NO" in fact it gets even harder especially when we all deal with some kind of health issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, and so on and so on.... But we must learn to follow our gut instincts and our hearts, because sometimes we tend to over analyze everything and then we push away what is truly the best thing for us because our heads are wicked and but our hearts are open (if we allow our heart to be open)...
So some self protection takes place among all of us in some sort of way. But are you too self protective? That when God does give us us a task to handle that we tend to shy away from these tasks or trials and tribulations. I decided a long time ago that if and when God does hand me these tasks that I should face them head on. It certainly isn't easy, but I do it. I have just had to learn to let God control it all.
I do realize that when you are Chronically ill, that life just seems to get sucked out of you. I completely understand this feeling. I face a struggle each and every day to stay awake, to not vomit, to exercise, and so on. But I have just been telling myself that God must have a plan for my wickedly bad health. I just wish I knew the full answer.
So how does one learn to trust? In my instances, I have just followed what my gut instincts say and I am usually 99% right.
So sit back take a moment and look at what God gives you to handle, and understand that he knows he can trust you. All you have to do is learn to trust yourself and then trust others. Because we were all made in God's eyes.
Keep Smiling
Carla
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