Friday, November 27, 2015

Life: You have to...

Life: You have to...: "You have to go through the worst to get to the best!!!" I don't know if you can relate to this, but boy can I. I have gone...

You have to...

"You have to go through the worst to get to the best!!!"


I don't know if you can relate to this, but boy can I. I have gone through some very bad things in my life, but you know they have made me stronger and maybe just maybe I have gotten the best things in my life also.

My worst has been some very bad health issues, but then that makes you look at life differently. The worse things in life does bring the best things in life to you as long as you look for it.

If we don't keep our eyes, ears, taste, touch open and ready to learn we will never ever learn the best things we have in life. And I am not talking about family, kids, husbands etc. Those are a given as far as the best things in life (at least they are for me). The best things I can say that I have experienced was gifts God has given me. Just as I have stated before the sunrises, sunsets, beautiful skies, etc.

My biggest sense is my hearing, I am a complete and utterly music fan. I love all genres of music (except for rap and real deep blue grass) other than that I love all music. Depending on my mood will bring out the best music I can find.

My eyes, give me the ability to see so many things, like the little things along with the big things. Of course we can see all of what life gives us. I don't know if I could ever live without sight. It is a true blessing to be able to see all of Gods gifts.

Taste brings so many things into your life. As the holidays have came being able to sit down with family and friends is a great time of year. Unless you are dealing with a chronic illness like Gastroparesis or some other stomach issue. Then the sitting down at a dinner table is the hardest thing in life. We can not partake in all of the great things to taste. But there are other things we can learn to taste and that is up to you. Think about all the things in life that we can learn to taste. I can remember eating glue in grade school (maybe that's what brought about my stomach problems) but if you sit back and think about taste there are many things that we just don't realize what we taste. Kissing someone you love can really open up the sense of taste (why of course) and so many other things. (I will leave this to your imagination).

Touch is probably the biggest thing I crave. I crave being touched, loved, cuddled, hugged etc. This is so very important to me. I crave intimacy (and I am not talking the way others may think). I believe going through all of my chronic illnesses this brings on my need for touch. I am a very self protective person. I always have my arms crossed around my chest, I know this is because I spent years by myself and Ive had to protect myself. From being in and out of the hospital's and being poked and prodded and have gone thru so many different tests, these kinds of touches are not comfortable. So having a better sense of touch is what I desire.

So being so very deep (upon which I am)... I am very raw and I have so many things that run thru my head. My husband says I think way to much, but I think this is a gift from God for me. Because I have this ability to write, and bring out my meanings I have learned in life.

I attempted suicide because I wanted all of the pain to end. But does the pain really end when we do that? Maybe for ourselves but we don't think about all the pain we bring on to our loved ones. They are left behind wondering why? Why did your best friend, child, spouse, Mom or Dad , etc take their own life? How could we leave them behind? So the pain they feel is not the best thing to do.

So even tho we are chronically ill doesn't mean we should give up. I lean on my family, my husband and my faith. My God has led me and has carried me thru so many hard issues in my life. I have faced so many things in my life by myself and so self protection is not always a bad thing. But there are times that maybe we need to open ourselves up to our senses and our family and friends. Because they care and they are their to help us. Our senses that God has given us are gifts.

So dance in the rain (when it is of course a warm rain), catch fireflies with your children, have a bonfire to feel the warmth, taste the snow flakes as they come down (and each snow flake is different just like people), sit and read a great book (drift off into a different world that the writer has given you), find yourself breathing in the scent of a great cologne or perfume, listen to the most amazing music that maybe takes you back to a memory or is just simply amazing. Because it is not the biggest things in life that mean the most, it is the little things in life that brings memories to your family, friends etc.

I choose to do the little things (and actually I have danced in the rain with my kids, I have tasted snowflakes with my kids, I have watched them catch fireflies and tried to save them, I have read the most amazing books, I have of course listened to the most amazing songs and of course when I smell a cologne or perfume that brings back memories whether they are good or not is a gift.

What kind of worst things in your life has brought you the best things in your life? I know what mine are.

Keep  Smiling
Carla



Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Life: Thanksgiving...

Life: Thanksgiving...: "Thankful for?" I know November is the time of year to be thankful for many things in your life. And a lot of people post somet...

Thanksgiving...

"Thankful for?"


I know November is the time of year to be thankful for many things in your life. And a lot of people post something daily on facebook each day as to what they are thankful for.

I know it is difficult when you are dealing with several chronic illnesses. But we all must look to being thankful for the different things that healthy people are thankful for. I have been thinking about this some as the month goes by and as Thanksgiving gets closer. I have Gastroparesis along with many other multiple silent chronic illnesses. I am to the point I am not able to eat anything at all by mouth and so this upcoming Thanksgiving day with all the foods and trimmings is something I am going to have to face. This will not be easy. And I also feel very sad for my husband whom has had to change his way of life because of my GP.

So instead of sitting and being thankful for the bounty of food in front of us. We all must stop and think about what is it that we are truly thankful for? I have learned over the past several years to stop and look at life differently. Walking in our shoes, those of us with illnesses, is much different than if you walk in shoes of people whom are healthy. So as part of what we deal with daily if should be something that we strive to do on our part to make the people, friends and family aware of what our illnesses are.

So I have been giving thanks for the many little blessings that God has bestowed on me. Such as sunsets, sunrises, bonfires, butterflies, squirrels, my dog Maggie Mae, my kitty cat Ella, my husband (for being with me thru all of my health issues), my friends, my children, work (yep I am still able to work at this time), and many more little things we all must look for.

I know I have a set of guardian Angels whom watch over me daily, both of my parents have recently passed away. This has really sent my health into a downward spiral. I attempted suicide several days after my mother had passed away. I just simply wanted all the pain to stop. (Only people with chronic illnesses understand this). But God must not have wanted me up there yet, he must have a purpose for me here on earth. I feel like my purpose is to bring awareness to GP, COPD, Fibro, Bipolar, etc.

Because there are a lot of people that don't understand these different illnesses and so those of us dealing with these daily issues must help bring awareness to these issues. Of course everyone understands the big "C" word. And of course people who battle cancer don't always make it and some persevere and do. My father unfortunately was one who passed from cancer. So I am well aware of how hard it is to loose a loved one to cancer. But just as cancer is horrible so is all the other chronic illnesses that those of us have.

So what are you going to be thankful for this Thanksgiving? I am not going to be thankful for the food, but I am going to be thankful for my husband, my kids, my family and friends. I am going to look to God and my guardian Angels who carry me every day through all of my troubles. Even when at times I sit and craddle the toilet on bad days and the many ice packs I wear around my tube sight due to infections because at this time I am still alive. Yep, sometimes a very miserable life, but all of my loved ones want me to stick around.

So all of us chronic ill people, lets lift our glass of water, tea, vitamix drinks, smoothies, whatever it is you will partake of on Thanksgiving and give thanks to all of our loved ones for being by our sides during the good and the bad times because we are meant to still be here for some odd reason.

And my thoughts are is to stay out of Walmart, Kmart, Lowes, Menards and many more stores during Thanksgiving, because the holiday is not meant for shopping, it is meant for being thankful. And so if we stay with our loved ones then those that unfortunately have to work on Thanksgiving maybe, just maybe could spend time with their loved ones. And that is the most important thing. Our loved ones.

As a lyric comes to mind:

"It was just like a memory, It was just like a song, When we were young, and it makes us mad getting old."

I am hoping that these memories, songs and being young will help us from getting mad about getting old. Because we are not promised the ability to get older, it is a privledge to get older.

As always with love and thanks

Keep Smiling
Carla



















Monday, November 9, 2015

Life: Always do right or wrong...

Life: Always do right or wrong...: "People will always tell you what you did wrong, but will hesitate to compliment you for what you did right." I know people ten...

Always do right or wrong...

"People will always tell you what you did wrong, but will hesitate to compliment you for what you did right."


I know people tend to want to tell you everything you are doing wrong when it comes to your chronic illnesses. Like you should do this, or do that or maybe if you do this you will get better. But it seems like they forget to commend you for doing some kind of great accomplishment when it comes to overcoming a hurdle of your health.

I have faced this so many times. I always get the comment "well you don't look sick"... do they not realize that all chronic illnesses are not noticeable on the outside (of course if they saw me without makeup they would realize my illnesses then). But now that I carry around a bag with the feeding tube connected to me, I seem to get a lot of stares but no one comes up to me to ask me if I need this or if I need that. But then I am a head strong person who is going to keep doing what I need to do to keep myself going. I am not willing to succumb to my illnesses until they just finally take me. Although I know I am progressively getting worse. What saddens me is each time I read about a loss of one of our GP warriors. It really hits home to each of us, and the not knowing.

But why do people tend to thing they know it all and seem to want to tell each of us just what we should or shouldn't do but they never ever acknowledge our accomplishments (no matter how small)?
I guess it is human nature to judge before we acknowledge. And maybe that comes somewhat from our growing up. It used to be in my day that you either won or lost, therefore you either got praise or a talking to about how you did wrong? But that is how we learned to deal with the real world. The real world isn't always about everyone gets a medal for just showing up, or good sportsmanship.

My kids learned the hard way from the hard knocks in life. Just as early young adults they keep learning from choices they make. Like I tell them so many times, it doesn't matter what age you are. You have to make choices as an adult and sometimes they may be good choices or they may be bad but you learn from them and move on. But that's just it, moving on can be hard. I know I have made many bad choices and the 2 biggest ones was what made my health bad. But you can't go back to fix it. (But I at least keep asking God for some help, but his ways of showing me help is not what I am always looking for).

So each and every day we all face trials and tribulations. And yep, people will always critic you for something you didn't do correct but they forget to let you know if you did a good job on something.

But these hard knocks of life is what has shaped me into the person I am today. I am a tough, strong, outgoing, fighter with a lot of gumption and willpower. I do waiver on some days, as we all do, we are not always perfect. But on those days I have to stop and think it could be worse. Yep, maybe I am carrying around a feeding tube bag and can't eat. And maybe my mind is in a brain fog because of my Bipolar (& menopause) and my body hurts from my fibro and the idiots always want to burn their leaves to make my COPD worse. But you know what, I got up today by the grace of God. So what if people tell me what I am doing wrong, for they don't know, they have never walked in my shoes to really know what my story and day to day life is like. And when I get compliments I accept them graciously because the other person really doesn't want to hear how bad your life is.

This is just life...

Keep Smiling
Carla