Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year....

2016 Reflection to a new dawn of 2017...

As I sit and reflect on this past year, I have come to learn that life can give you the ups and downs, the ins and outs, the squeezes of lemons to lemonade, to love and to giving up, to learning to crying and so forth. I know all of us can completely relate to these different and many more reflections. Everyone has personal issues and life statuses as to how we look at the outgoing 2016 and the incoming 2017.

Most people make new years resolutions, most of which are never achieved. Oh we all try to make them work out, we go to the gym more, we try to eat better, for me I try to eat less, try to just do whatever it means to make our own lives in this big world a better place.

I am not like everyone else, I don't make any new years resolutions simply because I most likely won't promise to do any of them, and my list would be short. I would just love to wake up some day and be healthier. Wouldn't that be what most of us want? Healthy? For myself and many other chronically ill people we wish for so many resolutions to come true. I look at these things as an unreachable feat. That doesn't mean I give up. Nope, never give up, just keep fighting.

What is your biggest resolution or do you even make one like me?

If you believe in God or the divine power I do think God looks to each of us to take our new years resolution and apply it to our daily lives in small doses. We can't just dive in and give it our all because by a month of so we throw the towel in. So small doses. Kind of like baby steps. Think of one good resolution that has meaning to it and go forth. Don't try to make yourself push for your own dreams and hopes and not spread these wishes to others in need. Why? Because we need to make this a better world to live in. Oh I know, I sound like some kind of Woodstock lover of all the world and wish to make peace in the world. Well wouldn't that be nice, World Peace.

We will be facing a new 2017 in so many ways. Some could be good and of course some could be not so good. I like to sit back and drink a hot tea and reflect on my past and what was good and what has been bad. And of course the bad things seem so large. I know however that God has carried myself thru these rough times or I wouldn't be sitting her reflecting at this moment. My 2015 was hard on me since I lost so many people in my life that meant so much to me and I attempted suicide and then 2016 has brought so many rough patches and each 4th Friday I lay on a cold slab in the OR and have my tube changed out. These are not times that I relish, but I keep doing so for everyone who loves me, not for myself, but for them. If I had one wish, I'd pull it out and just let God sustain me. But...

I know my problems seem little compared to so many others and but they all are big to ourselves. Everyone of us have problems. Some people like to harp about them and can never see the glass half full. Mine hasn't been half full for a while. I just keep holding it up waiting to get it filled up with a margarita.

My 2016 brought me many good things, one of my babies got married, my other 2 babies have great significant others in their lives and this warms my heart. Gives me hope, hope in life that God is being the one who is carrying them thru even my darkest days. So that is why I don't attempt suicide again. I want to see much more. Like the sunsets and sunrises on a beach, sand in my toes and a margarita in my hand, not much for dreams. And then when I gain my Angel Wings I just want to soar over all of the earth and see the good in each and everyone, because there is no one dictator there is just people, people whom have hopes and dreams.

So don't stop dreaming and reaching for your hopes in 2017.

Keep Smiling

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Life: Make ourselves miserable or happy...

Life: Make ourselves miserable or happy...: "We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The same amount of work is the same!" The amount of work is tak...

Make ourselves miserable or happy...

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The same amount of work is the same!"

The amount of work is takes to be miserable doesn't always come by choice. Sometimes we are miserable no matter what our health throws at us. We can however choose to be happy. Being happy is choosing to making the most out of our lives even though we live a miserable existence. (That is for chronically ill individuals)

Some days it is so hard for people to even get out of bed, I have pushed myself each day to allow my feet to hit the floor and I thank God that he is giving me another day. Of course my day could swing either way. But I do know I live a miserable existence, and I go through out the day living a miserable life. Being constantly nauseated, vomiting and dealing with a feeding tube and all of the doctor, ER and hospitals visits can really play hard on our moods. I know I have been nothing but nice at times, but for most of the time I am a giving, caring, loving lady. (or so I have been told)...

I just wonder though when will I ever smile again. Yes I know it takes the same amount of muscles to smile as it does to frown. I do realize that I am blessed. I am also challenged each day. So do we make ourselves miserable or happy? I know I am still working on being a happy person. I go through the cycles that people with chronic illness do and it seems like I keep falling into the "numb" phase most of the time.

I do ask God very frequently as to what his purpose is for me. I am pretty sure I know what it is.

Being happy, is that really a choice, or does it just come easy to people. People certainly are not happy this time of season, with all the crazy shoppers (they become evil when they want some item that a loved one feels they desperately need), the feeling of not being able to give, the unhappiness, feeling sorry for the people who seem to forget what Christmas is about. Why do you think "Christ" is part of the name.

People sit around a table of great food and wine and enjoy each others family time and they open presents. But what about the less fortunate. People feel like they are doing good by putting money in the red kettles this time of year (and don't get me wrong that is a wonderful thing to do) but what about helping the less fortunate? Really and honestly giving to those who have either nothing or life has been hard for them. Does this make one happy? To help those who are miserable. But homeless or people at the basement of their lives are not always miserable they have became happy with what little they have. Possessions isn't always our purpose, you can't take it with you.

We all can't make the miserable existence individuals happy but we can reach out to those at the times when they need it most, simply because you could find yourself in their shoes. So be humble.

Of course this isn't just about making ourselves miserable or happy. You can be miserable and yet be happy. It just takes someone who is strong enough to choose to be happy during their times of misery. The amount of work is the same. Being happy isn't always work.

Step into the shoes of a chronically ill individual and walk in those shoes for a week. Swapping shoes would be great also. Maybe just maybe some people would understand what kind of life a chronically ill person's life is all about and the chronically ill actually gets a week of little to no misery from their illness.

What does this quote mean to you:
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same".

Giving your best, living in awe of life, appreciate the things you do have, appreciate the people in your life, love unconditionally and just live your life as it was given to you by Christ. Is that too much to ask for. I know I'd like to go back and start my life all over again. (of course knowing everything I know now) and I know we all say the same thing. So I guess since we can't do that, I will just await for my homecoming to heaven and strive to be happy even through my miserable existence. Now to get that "numb" feeling to go away and accept what is.

And by the way, I don't put up a tree anymore, simply because that is not what Christmas is all about. Family is what it's all about and the birth of our Savior.

Much Love,

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Life: Three words...

Life: Three words...: "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life... I c (ould sum up this statement by using Colleen, Aiden & Ke...

Three words...

"In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life...

I c (ould sum up this statement by using Colleen, Aiden & Kelsey (my three children). Yes I learned a lot about life from being blessed as their mother. I believe we all can say that.

I can also use another three words in my life "The love given". I feel I love unconditionally. Most people feel that I have made a difference in life by loving unconditionally; however it can be a curse. God compels me to love.

Another three words I have learned in life is to: enjoy every moment. As in most people walk in their shoes never stopping to really look at life. They are on the go constantly and always have their faces and fingers on some kind of electronic device. (trust me I am a electronic junkie). Looking for the ways to live a better life. How about looking up from your electronic life and see all that our earth offers. You would be survived.

Another three words I have learned is: tasting, eating, enjoy. How about tasting and enjoying everything God has blessed you with. Fruit of God.

Another three words I have learned is: my prayer journal. I intentionally write in my memory book so when I am gone sitting on the right hand of Jesus my three children will still be able to ready my memories and remind them of their memories. Do you?

Another three words I have learned is: appreciate our family. Now family can be more than just blood related, we all have friends that we feel are our family and love them no less. We all have some kind of blood family and their is love and sometimes their is no love. It is their loss.

Another three words I have learned is: beauty on inside. I know I love to look into the eyes of others and look deep into their souls and see the beautify inside. You will be surprised what you see.

Another three words I have learned is: we are human. We learn everyday as long as we are open to learn. I learn that I cannot remember things anymore. I have learned that I have to appreciate all that I have since I won't always be here.

Another three words I have learned is: Gastroparesis does suck. However us warriors never give up. We have learned to hold our gastroparesis family together and to give words of encouragement. Have this illness is so very hard for any of us with this horrible disease. There is no cure, only death.

Another three words I have learned is: chronically debilitating illness. This changes one. We look down inside our own souls and always ask "why me". I know we have all asked those two words no matter whether you are sick. Life sometimes just places us all into life of choices that we don't want to make. Stick to your guns and you gut instincts. It has always worked for me.

Another three words I have learned is: don't lie ever. Is a little white lie ok? I think we all question this. But one little white lie turns into one and into another and so on... Eventually you start to believe it as the truth when all you did was start a little white lie.

Another three words I have learned is: People are complicated. I certainly hope that we all are not alike it would be boring.

Another three words I have learned is: Don't wait to. Don't sit back and think "I will do it tomorrow" of course we all procrastinate when it comes to chores. That is different. Do what your dreams are because someday those dreams can be stripped away from your hands. So enjoy what you can do.

Another three words I have learned is:  Acceptance is must. I know we all have some reason in our life to accept what has happened to us. Some people accept quickly, others attempt to accept whatever and other people strive to accept, however they just can't bring themselves to do it. Having a silent chronically illness make those of us a reason to strive to accept. I however have not gotten to that point. Just when I think I have learned to accept it all the bottom falls out and I become numb to find out there is a basement. So then I use my family and friends to help pull me back up and push me to accept. Because they are trying their hardest to accept my illness just as I am learned to accept it. Maybe some time. 

So what are your three words?

Keep Smiling

Friday, October 21, 2016

Life: Pay it Forward...

Life: Pay it Forward...: "Pay it forward..." Have you honestly ever really helped others out in a time of their desperation? Such as at the grocery store...

Pay it Forward...

"Pay it forward..."

Have you honestly ever really helped others out in a time of their desperation? Such as at the grocery store, the gas station, the restaurant? I have been given moments from people I don't even know that have helped me, such as paid for my gas when I couldn't get my card to work, or paid for portion of my groceries when I have been in the time of need, and I even had someone (I didn't know) pay for a smoothy I got at church last weekend.

There we go these individuals still show what humanity is all about by helping others. Therefore are we nudged to "pay it forward". Some people may not think so, but I do truly believe as humans that God has placed on this earth that we should "pay it forward" when we can. And I don't always mean financially. It can be little gifts.

I have let people get in front of me in line at the grocery store because they may only have a couple of items and I have a cart full. Or I have given the go ahead for a vehicle even though I am on the time clock to get somewhere (don't we all seem to be). I have given to others in small tokens of kindness.

This is really what the real world needs. "Paying it forward" does not always mean financially.

A mother with several kids who is struggling at the store, all she wants is a smile or a kind comment. It's not like we want to steal her kids, lord knows I already raised mine. But showing kindness has become something no one seems to do anymore. We all just muddle our way through life waiting for whatever it is we are doing.

I have often wondered where all the vehicles on the road are going? Do they not work, do they not stay home, but I guess they must wonder why I am on the road also. Some show road rage and yet, it is a kind hearted individual who lets you in front of them, lets be honest we will still get to our destination just as soon as we anticipated. "Pay it forward"

But its not just strangers that you can "pay it forward" to. When was the last time, you complimented a friend or family member for anything. When was the last time you made a phone call instead of a text? When was the last time you actually mailed out a card or letter instead of an email. Trust me I am guilty of it all. Until recently the Gastroparesis group I am part of on Facebook decided to help build up others and "pay it forward" we now have pen pals and mail out cards, letters, stickers, post it notes, glitter cards. I can be the first to say it feels great getting these in the mail (other than hate mail - i.e. bills) and it also feels good to write to our pen pals. Have you written a short note to a family member just to lift them up. I can honestly say I have now started to do so. Not just to my Gastroparesis pen pals but to family etc. It shows the person receiving the card/note that you care enough to write them. There we go "pay if forward"

Isn't life generally hard enough that we all just can't seem to get along? The media seems to talk so much about the bad things that happen in our world. But what about the humanity of good people? Why can't their be more good stories from the media? Sometimes watching the news either makes you sad or it makes your own life seem like a piece of cake. (chocolate cake for me - there is no other flavor).

I have really learned to try to uplift others simply because I believe God has kept me here on earth defying all of my health issues is to be kind and show love to thy neighbor. No matter whom they may be. 

Don't get me wrong, some people are just completely unhappy and don't want or willing to accept or pay forward anything to anyone. I feel sorry for them, for they don't know what true humility is all about.

So "Pay it forward" what does that mean to you?

Keep Smiling