Life: No escape...

Life: No escape...: "There is no escape from the prison of the mind!!!" I really don't know if I can relate to this quote. But let me tell you...

No escape...

"There is no escape from the prison of the mind!!!"



I really don't know if I can relate to this quote. But let me tell you this much, with being Bipolar, menopausal and multiple other health issues I do believe that my mind controls all parts of my body and health. Therefore I know that I need to work better towards making my mind more open to many different things in my life and just letting things go as they happen, and whatever happens just simply does.

I do think that a lot of people can relate to this quote a lot. My son has battled Bipolar and Schizophrenia for years and he has told me so many different times that his mind is like a prison to him. With the schizophrenia he has voices inside of his mind and they can be either nice or mean. This can lead a person to some real mania at times. I've been with him thru almost all of his horrible episodes and it is scary and troubling. But he is the most loving, kind and gentle spirit you'd ever want to know.

With my chronic illnesses, my mind can really make me feel like I am living in a prison of sheer madness. Your mind can help control different facets of your body to a degree. However there are so many times that my body just simply does what the body wishes to do. So I work hard every single day of my life to live as full of a life as I can, simply because we never know what the next day is going to bring.

I have been in the throws of a horrible flare up for the last 3 weeks with my Gastroparesis and when this happens it affects my Bipolar and makes me become extremely emotional, upset, and just simply exhausted. I have slept almost as much as I can when I am not at work. This makes it hard on my husband because it makes our marriage suffer. But yet we married knowing and going into our marriage that I was chronically ill and now he has been going thru a rough time with a auto accident that has left him with some residual physical effects.

So how do we unlock this prison in our minds so we can all lead productive lives? I wish I really knew that answer. And to be honest I don't think anyone really knows this answer. Of course there are so many different people out there that claims they have the magic cure to weight loss, physical well being, exercise, sleep (insomnia) cure, chiropractic cures, and so on and so on... But do they all really know what the magic cure is? Most likely not...

We are all very different and very unique individuals. We are not all robots and have the same bodies where all of these great fixes out there are going to make us better instantly. Nothing is instant in this world. The only instant thing we have is ourselves. We ourselves where born into this world and taught that life is just that, life.

So we all must hold on and try to escape the prison of our minds, so that we can lead a normal (or I supposed normal is just a setting on the dryer), so there is no normal, but there is a life to be lead by each and every one of us. And our lives are our own stories. So what is your story? What does your life represent? How do you want your tombstone to read once you pass on? I for one don't really want a tombstone but I supposed my children/family will place one for me and I am not really sure what it will say? I just hope my children will be nice.

So yes, there is really no escape from the prison of our mind. And we can not look to others to fix our minds. Only we can do that. So the next time you see that advertisement for the best cure to loose weight, or to help fix your aching bones, etc...stop and think do all of these things really work and are they really going to fix me or just take my money?

I have recently stopped reposting, liking, sharing everything on facebook that says if you don't you will have bad luck for the rest of your life, or this person will die, or you will get a million dollars if you do. These are all tricks to your mind and people seem to fall for every thing they read on social media. And if we all believed everything we read on social media, I would already be a millionaire, I would have a flat tummy, I would be living in my dream cottage on a remote island somewhere and all of the worlds health problems would be gone. (This would all be nice - for sure) but I don't have the magic cure and neither does social media. But social media is a great resource to meet, and find old friends and family. I love social media for those purposes. But social media has not cured the prison of my mind, or my body and I am still suffering from all of my chronic illnesses.

I guess what I am trying to say is that our minds are a wonderful & powerful part of our own well being. And I strive everyday to channel a good mindset so I can function every single day of my life. I continue to work every day even tho I am dealing with some horrific chronic illnesses and I use my mind set to be able to continue to do so until my body just simply poops out. So I don't think we will every escape the prison of our minds, all we can do is channel our minds to become loving, caring, beautiful, dependable, God thriving and so on individuals.

Keep Smiling
Carla

P.S. I do love to watch people I know and their kids grow up on social media. Its the best method to really be involved with people who live away from you. So I am not bashing social media at all.

Life: Yesterday, today & tomorrow....

Life: Yesterday, today & tomorrow....: "Learn from yesterday; Live for today; Hope for tomorrow!" I don't about you but I certainly have learned a lot of hard kno...

Life: Yesterday, today & tomorrow....

Life: Yesterday, today & tomorrow....: "Learn from yesterday; Live for today; Hope for tomorrow!" I don't about you but I certainly have learned a lot of hard kno...

Yesterday, today & tomorrow....

"Learn from yesterday; Live for today; Hope for tomorrow!"


I don't about you but I certainly have learned a lot of hard knock lessons not only from yesterday but from my past in general. And I can pretty much assume everyone has some kind of a past and this has brought us in to today and giving us hope for tomorrow.

I'd like to see my today and my hope for tomorrow is to be pain & nausea free. These chronic illnesses that I have are robbing me of my own life and my families lives. So all we can do is take everything one step at a time.

But what is it that you learned from yesterday that is making you live for today and giving you hope for tomorrow? This is a tough question, I know you are sitting there thinking back to all of what happened yesterday and your pondering "did I learn anything from yesterday?"

I know I did, I always seem to be learning something new every day. I choose to look at life differently from others now that I am chronically ill and have experienced many loses. Which all of these life's challenges is giving me a clear picture of today and hope towards tomorrow.

My life has never ever been easy. I wish I could just simpy say I was born, I grew up a great happy kid in the "Cleaver" family and then I married my dream man we had 3 wonderful kids (yep I do have 3 wonderful kids) but horrible pregnancies, then troublesome teens, a transgender son now, a divorce, yes I was once a mistress (trust me I have begged God for my wrong doing), life alone an moving across the state from my children my ailing parents and harboring so much guilt.

Who I am today comes from what I expereinced from my past and even yesterday. All I can do is look towards the future and have hope. Hope that God will show me his plans for me, or that God will give me only what I can handle. (He must think I am a strong woman because God has given me way more trials and tribulations that most people)... So yep, I am a strong woman.

But never underestimate a strong woman. Sometimes on the inside they are screaming and crying wanting to be let out, but the on the outside they walk proud and strong.

So learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow...

Keep Smiling
Carla

Life: True forgiveness...

Life: True forgiveness...: "True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience." I don't know about any of you, but achieving t...

True forgiveness...

"True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience."


I don't know about any of you, but achieving true forgiveness is amazing.

Many people come into our lives for a reason and/or a season. These people are meant to help us along our path in this world. Sometimes these people helps us and sometimes they are detrimental to us. But either way they helps us experience many different things in our lives.

I have had several different people come into my life at different times. Three close friends helped me through one of my worst times (my divorce) and without these three friends I don't know where or how I would have made it through. Being that I was a single mother of 3 teenagers. Let me tell you life was extremely hard for me during those years.

We all make choices and sometimes they are good choices and other times they are not. I made a choice back in 2011 to hopefully make myself healthier so I could be around longer for my kids, unfortunately my body decided it didn't like the fact that I had Gastric Bypass and rejected it. And after loosing 160 lbs and being totally sick I had it reversed praying for a better outcome. But however God must have decided he needed me sick for a purpose. A purpose I have not yet figured out. But you know my surgeon who did my gastric bypass surgery one day hugged me in his office and sat there and truly asked me to forgive him because he knew how much this had made my life worse and harder. That was a major experience.

And as I am sure, everyone has stories that has brought true forgiveness into their lives and because of these situations we can all be thank full for those experiences.

I think we all talk about "if we could go back and have a re-do" that we would make so many different choices with our lives. But would you? I know I would really miss the fact of not having my 3 kids if I went back and made different choices. Because my 3 kids are my life and always will be.

So how is true forgiveness a chance for you to say "thanks for the experience"?

I had one specific person in my life and he truly was in my life for a reason. Without him I would not be sitting here today writing this blog. I had hit rock bottom so many different times during the last 6 years of my life and he carried me through almost all of those until he could hand me off to my new husband. And for that I thank him for the experience of really knowing what a true friendship meant.

I attempted to take my life back on June 2nd, and I can now remember my husband screaming my name trying to get me awake. I can barely remember this memory. But it is a memory that will stick in my mind forever.

And now I have to back peddle and work everyday on asking for his forgiveness for what I did. Because I really hurt the people I loved. But you know what "even the strongest people you know in your life - is crying inside and struggles daily with many different demons" but that is exactly why and how they are so strong. Because we work hard to keep these demons from consuming our lives.

So I ask you, have you ever given someone true forgiveness? And if you have did that bring about the thoughts of Thanking them for the experience?

I don't know about you, but I forgive many people, for they do not always know what they do and how they hurt others. So I have chosen to forgive and learn from any of these experiences.
Simply because life is short and "We are not going to get out of here alive!!!"

Keep Smiling
Carla

Elevator out of order...

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs . . . one step at a time.” 



I don't know about any of you, but my elevator has been out of order for years...

Of course there are many people whom their elevators have never and will never get to the top. So I guess we all must take the stairs!!

Taking it one step at a time is the best way to handle any kind of trials and tribulations we are handed.
I do live my life one step at a time. Especially when you are chronically ill. So actually sometimes I take it moment by moment.

Each and every day of my life has always brought me challenges of some kind; as it also does for everyone. So why do we have to face these challenges? Why do we have to be tested so much? Since I am a person of faith I truly believe it is God challenging me to show him that I give my all to God. And for those who don't have that strong faith. But whether you are a person of faith or not these tests we endure are what helps us to accept and feel blessed for all the good things we have in our lives.

So what are the good things/blessings you enjoy in your life?

My blessings are just way to many to count and put out here on this blog. But trust me I truly cherish every blessing I have been given. Of course we all cherish these blessings, but what and how do we handle each day when we are facing some crippling facts (such as chronic illnesses), death, loss of someone you love deeply, loosing your precious pet, etc etc???

I don't know about you but I mourn a lot over many things I have lost in my life. But yet I do know they were in my life for a reason or a season.

So the elevator is "out of order" and you must take each step. These steps can be harmful or joyful. But you will never know until you take the first step to either recovery, love, self esteem, health, family/friends issues etc etc.

Simply put "life is to short" and we are "not getting out of here alive" so take that first step and see how these steps help your life to become fulfilled.

I don't know about you, but I plan to and continue to take one step at a time. (Hey I even took a step and went to Wal-mart - even tho I hate that place). I like to look at each step I take and manage somehow to utilize these steps towards my bucket list.

Everyday we must move on with a few steps further.  Because if we don't we will actually take multiple steps backwards and that is not always a good thing. So don't let those inner demons talk you into something you may not be the best and just keep taking those steps further ahead of you.

So sorry that the elevator is "out of order"!!! (now we have to carry our sorry poor aching bodies up those steps one at a time) and guess what "We can do it!!!"

Keep Smiling
Carla

Life: Music - universal language...

Life: Music - universal language...: "Music is the universal language, because it is the language of the universe."                 I don't know about you, but...

Music - universal language...

"Music is the universal language, because it is the language of the universe."               


I don't know about you, but I truly believe music can heal your soul!!!

Music can calm you, smooth you, reach your soul, make you smile, make you want to dance, make you laugh, make you cry, and can be really good for your soul.

I am extremely musical. I am a vocalist, I can play piano and I am a very artistic. So music is most certainly a language for me. It helps me to explain how I feel or what I need at the moment. Especially since I am Bipolar and menopausal. I have a lot of days that are not the best mentally and then my chronic illnesses make me very physically sick. So I have a lot of demons to deal with daily.
I know I am not the easiest person to live with, I'm sure my wonderful husband can attest to that.

So you know what I do, I listen to music almost 80% of my day and depending on my mood and how I feel it helps me get thru.

I know music is a universal language because it can open up so many doors for so many people. My kids when they were little (all grown up now) had trouble learning things so I would try to put memory tests to music and teach them this method. It always worked. All 3 of my kids got my musical abilities and I know my son uses his music to touch his soul and others.

We should never be afraid to express our feelings (of course there are times and places)...but our feelings is who we are. When we rock out we are happy/spunky; when we slow dance we are melancholy; when we do alternative we are looking for a difference. So music is truly a universal language.

What music have you found yourself listening to when you are at your lowest point in your life? Or what kind of music do you find yourself expressing and singing the loudest to in the shower or car?
My Friday's are always "Shinedown" days at work or at home on Pandora. I love to rock out to some Shinedown. But Monday's always seem to be my "Ellie Goulding" days. So it truly is an art form to help one's feelings.

I have been struggling really bad with my Bipolar and Menopause. This has been making me extremely emotional and it seems all I want to do it cry. So music can help me by cheering me up and helping me to be a better person like I always had been.

Its really hard to listen to music when you are vomiting from GP. So I sing a lot to myself. Humming is a good medicine.

When you hear a person walk past you and they are whistling or humming to themselves you can usually tell what kind of mood they are in. Singing in the shower is another art form in itself. How many of you have used the shampoo bottle as a microphone and have developed a singing voice (whether it is in tune or not)? My kids used to sing loudly in the shower, so I always knew what kind of mood they were in.

So making music a universal language is a small statement with big advantages to one's physical and mental health.

Sing along... Sing along...

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Self-doubt...

Life: Self-doubt...: "Fuck this self-doubt bullshit..." (sorry if this quote offends anyone - but it soooo hits home with me at this time) I know...

Self-doubt...

"Fuck this self-doubt bullshit..."


(sorry if this quote offends anyone - but it soooo hits home with me at this time)


I know all of us chronically ill peeps have a lot of self-doubt. Heck any normal healthy individual has self-doubt. We are brought up in a society that shows us that we are all less than perfect. Less than perfect when it comes to our finances, health, looks, memories, etc etc.

But what if this was not the case? Why should we doubt ourselves when we are all unique in our own finances, looks, health, work etc. What if we were all exactly alike? Kind of like robots roaming around the world. Now that would get boring. (or at least I kind of think so)... Although I would give anything for a robot to do my cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. so I can enjoy life a little bit more.

I have recently had my feeding tube removed due to multiple infections. I have had it out now for like 2 months. I have had a lot of ups and downs since I have had it removed. Then after my overdose on June 2nd, and reality kicked in and I have now been diagnosed with Bipolar and I am menopausal, this has brought on a lot of anxiety and self-doubt in my mind. I am trying to eat by mouth, with some success, and I am trying to work thru being sick and so I am screaming self-doubt at the top of my lungs. Some days my Bipolar and menopause just simply drags me down. But then there are other days I am high. I know I have been this way for years, just never really diagnosed with it. Now I know where my son gets it all from (except my Mom was bipolar)... and well he doesn't have menopause but he is Bipolar. So this roller coaster ride really does suck

I decided after a lot of soul searching and truly and sincerely apologizing to my children and husband,
that I must start more self care. So I have been attending Planet Fitness (almost daily) after work, and I know I am not the youngest, healthiest, skinniest, prettiest at PF, but that is just it. I really don't care. As long as I know that my husband, children, family, friends and whomever wishes to, Love me, then that's all that matters.

I truly think that self-doubt kicks in and fucks us all up when we stop and let society dictate how, when, where and why we live. Why should we let others dictate how we live our own lives? Ya I know for some of us, we must work to earn money, and we must comply with employers, and others. But I am talking about the self-doubt talk we all do to ourselves daily about not feeling like we are good enough. Well I say fuck it!!!!!

We are all GOOD enough. So I may not be skinny (like I was a year ago) and let me tell you after years of being heavy set, and then doing my bypass surgery and getting way down to the weight that I liked but with soooo many health issues I had to have it reversed a year ago and now due to the Gastroparesis and menopause I can not loose weight. I have put back on approx. 70lbs and let me tell you "I HATE IT"... I think because I had always been fat and picked on growing up and so forth being skinny made me feel better about myself. Now don't get me wrong, being heavy set is NOT the end of the world, but for me it kind of has been my end of the my world. Until I sat back and like I said did some soul searching and decided that I am who I am.

My moto had always been "If people don't like me that's ok, because they are truly missing out on a great person, and I still sleep at night"!!!

I don't care what other people think about me. All I care about is my husband, kids, family, and personal friends think about me. They don't necessarily put you down as much as help you. It's all in how you perceive it. And if your family, friends etc do put you down then maybe you need to evaluate if they should remain in your life.

So I have been trying really hard to be healthy (trust me exercising does help the GI digestive track work somewhat better)... and it has helped me feel better about myself when I go exercise and tan. I have always been a exercise nut, just not the skinny, athletic, muscle type lady. But never the less I do feel better after I exercise daily.

So why do you let your own self-doubt stop you from liking/loving yourself?

Stop and really do some soul searching and decide if you are going to simply say "fuck it" or if you are going to continue on with the self-doubt. You my friend are worth everything to this world and don't ever let anyone tell you other wise. Because we all have a life to live. Such as our pets, kids, friends, family, significant others. Yep even giving rats a bath. Or simply giving yourself a rats ass.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Fear...

Life: Fear...: "Fear is the first and last obstacle on your path to greatness!!!" I have never really given this quote a lot of thought. But a...

Fear...

"Fear is the first and last obstacle on your path to greatness!!!"


I have never really given this quote a lot of thought. But as I do it is so very true.

Of course it all boils down to what you feel is "your" greatness. My thoughts for myself to achieve my greatness would now be healthy. I am sure as we all live our lives and as we progress thru our own lives this fear of achieving our greatness would change and differ a lot.

So as you reflect on what exactly your fears are and how you can at first attack this fear and make it your last obstacle to move onto your greatness you need to decide what is it that you would like your greatness to be?

Like I said right at this point in my life my biggest fear is my health. I have mad some choices, some I thought would be good, and they turned out wrong simply because my own body didn't like the choices I made. So now I am chronically ill and the fear of these illnesses has pretty much crippled me mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. But why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we let fear over take us? My mother was extremely afraid of "water" so much so she would never ever let herself get into the shower. She instilled this fear into my siblings and myself. I have over came this fear as a teenager (for the most part) and I made it most certain to NOT let this fear be my own children's and they all 3 swim like fish. So fears can be a first and last obstacle that we learn from our growing up, from society, from our inner selves, from just about anything. These fears can most certainly cripple a person to the point of never seeing the real true daylight. Daylight of greatness.

I had to work very hard on getting over my stage fright when I started singing at a young age. And today I am do not have stage fright, I can sing, speak, open up and just be in front of people of any kind at any time.

I know some people wish they could over come their fears. But the thing is "you can"...it's not easy and so it takes a lot of work. I never realized the fear that I had built up until recently when I went to my counselor and I have come to realize that I have built up a fear about my health. I am afraid to proceed on with my life simply because of my fear over being sick all the time. So now I need to somehow learn how to overcome this fear. I want to be able to participate in life again. And I guess I still do, I still go to work, I've started going to Planet Fitness, I got my feeding tube removed (temporarily tho), and I am trying to learn to "LOVE" myself again. Trust me this is not easy. I have been thru way much more than any human should be in my short 48 years of life. And not being afraid is a huge accomplishment. But I think I take comfort in knowing my Grandma was a strong faithful woman and I am a chip off of her.

So my strong will, my strong faith and my open personality has taught me to stop being afraid.

So today I am going to loose this fear I have with my health and I am going to become proactive in getting over it. What do I have to loose?

"Fear is the first and last obstacle on your path to greatness"...

What is your greatness?  And what is your fear that is stopping you?

Keep Smiling

Carla

"Once is enough..."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough!!!!"


I know many of you are not all into reading about religion on here, so this is my disclaimer, I am going to bring up a few issues.

This quote is so extremely true. We all only live once, but what if we don't do it right? Who know's what the right way is?

It has been heard that even the healthiest person will die from a heart attack. Or the youngest person will get cancer. Or the middle aged person will get a bad GI illness. So we are all just human in a human physical form made by God. Some people are very fortunate and can live a long time and others aren't. But like I said only God know's. A lot of people like to say you are being punished for your illness because you didn't do something right in this life. But that is not the case.

I know that us chronically ill people live our lives daily trying to keep going. Some are luckier than other's. But I do believe it all boils down on our sheer determination and strong faith.

So is once enough? Only you know if your life if you do it the way you are supposed to that once is enough.

I know personally a bunch of very good people who are questioning things that all boils down on is it them or is it something else. I don't know the real answer. But God brings things into your life for a reason and a season. We are all different and unique in our own ways as we trudge thru this things called life. Some of us choose our ways of life that others may not agree with. But that's ok. WE are not the judge. WE will be judged when we reach Jesus in heaven and hopefully you will have hit your knees in prayer and asking for forgiveness of your sins during your life so that you may sit on the right hand side of God for eternity. If not well, we all know how that ends.

But if you only live once, and you do it right, once is enough!!! Who know's that real answer? No one. So many will say they do, but well they don't. Or at least I hope there is no bigger person dangling my body throughout this world. Because I don't like all that has happened to me during this life. But if you only live once, do it right your way, and once is enough. I have definitely done that and plan on doing way much more. I have just had to reinvent my way of looking at things and learning how to enjoy things differently because of my chronic illness.

I can give my thought's on this, but we all know that each of us has our own free will and we will all decide living this life once, if done the way we want, is enough.

I am just riding out this wave because we are NOT all going to get out of here alive.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Accept love...

Life: Accept love...: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Don't we all accept the love we think we deserve? But don't we deserve better? I am no...

Accept love...

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”



Don't we all accept the love we think we deserve? But don't we deserve better? I am not saying better for me, but better for any of us?

I do believe that we all sit back and accept life and love as it comes at us. That is ok, but our lives never seem to be fully enriched by this method. When we just learn to accept love we go about our daily lives doing what we do best and never look for the extraordinary.

Now don't get me wrong, some people have the chance of a lifetime to really be deeply in-love with their soul mate. And for this they have learned to NOT accept just any kind of love, they learned to accept the love they deserved. We all have a soul mate out there in this world. Or at least that is what we are told from early on in our lives. But have you ever stopped and just simply looked at maybe your best friend, your significant other, your spouse and really stopped and looked at them? I mean study this person on the outside and inside? I have done this 3 different times. I have been lucky enough to find my soul mate and then loose him. But then I have told myself God did not choose this person for me, that he was not the love that I deserved. God must have felt that I deserved to be fully loved by someone different and thus along came my new husband. Is he my soul mate, too soon for me to tell, but I look at him differently with different eyes. I look at him from the outside to the inside. (I am an artist and so I look at people so much differently than others)...

The eyes really lead you to the deepest part of that person's soul. And if you have ever noticed some people out there can not look at you directly in the eyes. Simply because they are very insecure about themselves, so they have just simply learned to live. Live thru their daily lives and just accept the love that have been given to them.

But don't we all deserve a better kind of love?

I don't care if you believe in God or not, but God has a deep love for each of us. He created us in his sight and he has placed free will within each of us. Now its up to each one of us to seek out our love that we feel we deserve. And I know I deserve and desire God's love, my husbands love, my children's love, my families love and so on... Because love is what makes the world go around. I even thrive the love I get from my dog, Maggie. (She is my world and has saved me so many different times from the brink of death)...

So why not accept the love for yourself? Why not just accept the fact that we are all given free will and a human body that will crap out on us before our minds will. Being Chronically ill does not mean we have to stop seeking out the love we deserve. Love does not always come directly from family. Family is not always blood either. Family and love comes from people in your lives whom care, whom are there for you at 3 am in the morning, or there for you when you need to go to the hospital, are there for you to pick you up when you are down, are there for you just simply because they LOVE you.

So never ever underestimate the need for LOVE in your life. We all need and desire to accept the love we think we deserve and whatever that love is you need to seek it out and grab a hold of it and never let it go. Because life can be pretty darn cold (so cold, so cold) without it.

I know I want to be loved as much as I love unconditionally.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Nothing comes easy...

"Nothing worth having comes easy!!!"


Can I get a Hell yeah? on this quote

I am Bipolar and menopausal today and I am unmedicated, (simply waiting on Dr. to get meds filled), so if this is any indication of my mood today it may be best to stay clear from me today. So I do have my days and most likely if you asked my husband it would be stay clear from me alot.

I am sure that I am not always that easy to live with, but for the most part I strive extremely hard to NOT be like my own mother was. I am for the most part easy going, I am giving, I am loving and I do too much for too many people. But that is who I am. I do know that I can be bitchy at times. But who can blame me for that. Being Chronically ill causes enough issues for one person to handle.

But the one thing I have learned as a true life lesson is that "nothing worth having comes easy" and this statement is so true in so many different ways. I have had to work hard all of my life for the things that I have in my life. So I am not one to give up and give things away very easily.

So how do we strive to having things that are worth in our lives? That is not an answer anyone person can answer. God only knows. But I have learned that by being kind and giving you will receive back unconditionally everything you have given out unconditionally.

I have a friend who has stated that he family has bailed out on her and I am sure it is for reasons I will never know. But family is not always family by blood. Sometimes family is friends who are willing to be there for you.

I guess for me I need to work harder at being "me". Who ever that is. Somehow we seem to loose who we truly are. And we find ourselves sitting back taking a reflective look at our own lives and wonder if there was a "redo" button. But then nothing worth having is ever easy. I would never trade my 3 kids for the world.

So I guess as I reflect I need to come to the realization that even on hard days and sick days, sad days, good days, and any kind of days, I am at least having a "day"...where some people are facing their days coming to an end or that someone has just lost a friend, family whomever and they will never have a day with that person again.

So "Nothing worth having comes easy"....Boy who ever said that statement truly understands how I feel and how everyone else feels...

So lets kick some chronically ill ass and try to make our days last and last and make them more insightful because this is all we get folks.

Keep Smiling

Carla

I'm not the only one...

"I'm not the only one!"


Or am I? Can you say if you are a positive person or not? I can honestly say for the last 8 years I have NOT been a positive person (on the inside) I may exude it on the outside but I am really just crumbling on the inside just like everyone else does.

How do we pick ourselves up from these ashes and move forward? Good question. Wish there was a permanent answer to this.

Are we all crazy? Yes!!! In so many ways we are crazy, crazy in love, crazy over food, crazy for life, crazy for our dogs/cats, crazy for just about anything that can fulfill our lives with the great things we are looking for so we aren't the only one's.

But you know what made me realize is that I am crazy is the fact that I can be positive yet crumbling on the inside.

I AM SCARED... I am scared that my health is going to take me down the path that it already has and I can and most likely will get much worse. But I decided about 3 weeks ago, I can let this horrific disease take me down or I can learn from it and move onward with the best attitude as ever. (NO it is NOT easy), but it is doable.

So how can someone look at life thru the eyes of sadness from their illnesses, divorces, death of loved ones, pain and suffering from everything around them?  Because we need to stop and look at the fact that LIFE happens. LIFE happens in so many different ways. It doesn't always treat us with the respect we seem to think it should. But who is going to treat us with respect if we at first don't respect ourselves. Have you ever sat back and patted yourself on the back for being proud of who you are? I don't mean just because I mean be really proud of who you are and how far you have come. This journey is NOT an easy one. (We could be on the Mayflower and die from disentary (sp))... So yes LIFE can be easier, life can be different, life can be harder, life can be just that LIFE. I don't know about you but I am kind of starting to like this life I have been given since I tried taking my own life back on June 2nd. It opened my eyes to the many things, people and everything around me. I seen the true eyes to my husband, Jeff, and his love for me is from the beginning to the end. My children love me from the beginning to the end. So why not love yourself from the beginning to the end? (Even if you are walking around with a IV pole, or a feeding tube, or whatever your illness brings upon you)...because simply you are alive and that is what matters. That is what make you "NOT the only one"

Keep Smiling

Carla

Life: Irritates us...

Life: Irritates us...: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”   I don't know about you, but there ar...

Irritates us...

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” 


I don't know about you, but there are sooooo many things that irritate me? Even tho I am a very easy going, loving person, I still get irritated easily. But this quote does say it all, we can get irritated about things and let this bother us. Or we can either get irritated and let it lead ourselves to a better understanding.

I have came to some realization that letting myself become irritated only makes my health worse. Stress as we all know can play havoc on ourselves. So I have came up with a very simply approach:  "These are STOOOOPID people, and STOP letting them irritate me"... and you know it has worked.
Once I have stopped letting people irritate me, my life has gotten easier. Now don't get me wrong I still look at people, signs, etc and shake my head in pure amazement. I just don't get people some times. It's like "what are they thinking?" That's just it, they aren't thinking (like the pictures of people in Walmart)... Once again so sorry Walmart - you can be a saving grace for so many people but please please police your patrons a little better. (my daughter worked at Walmart for like a year and I just have no clear picture on how she could do it... other than either laugh yourself to death or go to work stoned)...


If you stop and look at all of the signs in our lives and some of these signs can be good, can be bad, can be sad, can be enlightening, and can be simply hilarious. I have always choose to laugh at almost anything so I can be a happier person. Who will laugh at us if we won't laugh at ourselves. I for one am a most screwed up person and I laugh at myself all of the time. It makes for a easier life style.

So what is there in life that can make you laugh at the most irritating things?  I know when we are chronically ill, doctors and nurses can really push our buttons and make us either laugh or cry. So I have decided to just laugh and treat them with plastic gloves on. But for me I just simply start our each morning with a cup of coffee and a nice cool sunny morning with Maggie (my yorkie) and we chase down squirrels, enjoy the morning dew, the spider cobwebs, the sun peaking thru the trees and then I realize that these stoopid people out there just don't get "IT"....

"IT" is amazing once you do find "IT"... I have now have you?

Keep Smiling

Carla