Cry versus Smile...

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” 


How many of us have sat down and just simply cried because something we cherished or wanted was over? 

Just as I had stated awhile back in one of my blogs, I had indicated that we can choose to Rejoice or Mourn. This quote pretty much says the same thing. We can either cry because it's over, or simply smile because it happened to us. (No matter "what" it is)

Now I know a lot of men out there are going to sit back and say "I don't cry" its not a manly thing to do. Well let me tell you men and any nay sayer's out there, Crying is NOT for whimps or sissy's. Crying is a great way to show your true feelings, release those emotions that bottle up inside of all of us, and really does help one to feel better after a good cry. A good cry can be beneficial in a lot of different ways. So why is it that we all suffer many different illnesses? Chronic Illnesses? Is it because we don't take care of ourselves? Is it because we are being punished by a higher power? Is it because we weren't who we should be in maybe a prior life? Or are we just simply human?

I hope to think it is because we are simply human in a body that we are only given once, and sure if we choose to abuse and not take care of our bodies it goes against our minds and starts to cave in and becomes sick. I used to always think that I was being punished with bad health because I was to wild for so many years and that I did not always take care of myself. But then I realized that I am not being punished I am being given a chance to not really cry about things because it was over, but that I am given a chance to smile because it simply happened to me in my life.

So no matter what you are dealing with on a daily basis, its not always that bad. It could be worse. Such as a small toddler going thru chemo and radiation treatments with parents sitting back wondering why their child is going thru all of this. Or it could be that we watch a loved one die in a horrible car crash, or that these mass shootings are happening, or what ever horrible things are happening in the news daily. Then we all need to sit back in our chair or couch and take a look at our own lives. How bad is your own life? What can you do to make your life better for yourself and for others?

I know I have done this soooo many times, but I never really sat back and evaluated my life until I tried to take my own life, and let me tell you, you wake up to faces full of love and caring and understanding yet those same faces are unsure, unhappy, upset and realize they could have lost you. I have sat back and have came to the conclusions that I need to stop crying over the things that have I have lost, and instead smile over these things that have happened. Simply because these things that have happened in my life have made me the person I am today. And let me tell you I am beginning to like this person that I am today.

I am a strong, sensitive, loving, crazy, happy, caring, honory, chronically ill, mother, wife, lover, giver, taker, God loving, fearful, Bipolar, sickly, tired, exhausted, bucket list full kind of woman. It doesn't mean I love myself every single day, but I strive to love myself every single day.

So then "why are we all crying over things when we could actually sit back and smile because it has happened to us in our lives?"

Food for thought, or sort of

Keep Smiling

Carla

Loving the wrong person?

"Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'


Can all of us at least get a "hell yeah" on this question?

I know when I was younger I always thought I was truly "in-love" with someone I was dating. But you know once I got older and sat back and looked at those different failed relationships that it was never a really deep true love. I was just infatuated with someone at different points in my life.

But then when we do relinquish our hearts and open ourselves up to someone then we will experience a true deep love. How do I know this?  Well lets just say even though I may not 84 and I am only 48 I have lived so many different lives and I have been hurt so very much and being hurt is painful but if we never open up our hearts and learn to love then what is life going to be like for any of us?

Like the facebook post indicated:  "We are not going to get our Alive"  so my thoughts are just this:

If we are not going to get out of this Alive then I want to do so many more things on my bucket list, such as, eat more, drink more, dance more, love more, kiss our pets, kiss our loved ones, know that family is not always by blood, accept everyone (for we are not to judge), experience everything we can (even Walmart-I hate Walmart), drive in the fast lane, get a ticket, face all of our trials and tribulations that God puts each of us through, for God has not experienced Walmart yet (I still hate Walmart), love unconditionally, don't hate people (you can hate Walmart), work for someone who doesn't like you but treat them with the utmost respect, wake up happy (life is too short), try to stay healthy as possible (but still eat that ice cream or chocolate), buy a margarita blender and enjoy, watch Sponge Bob (ok I hate SpongeBob also - Jeff), let your spouse watch Big Bang Theory every night, learn to recite every episode of Big Bang Theory, watch great movies, go see movies in 3D, love music, sing even tho you really can't (for those of you who can't carry a tune-even in a paper sack), dream (never give up dreaming), laugh (it truly is the best medicine), pray each morning that you can see your feet, for once your feet hit the floor Satan collapses and God rejoices (and maybe for some its the other way around), cut that ice cream cake and play with all the little kids in your life, go ahead and shove that cake into your significant others face, never ever judge, paint a picture, take a great picture, drink sweet tea, (but always watch your sugar intake), I had always wanted to run a marathon (but I guess my stoopid body doesn't seem to agree with my head on this one), stay with people you love always, never turn your back on anyone (for you never know their pain and struggles), BE THE CHANGE,,, and so on and so on...

I am sure everyone has different dreams and aspirations they would love to do before we all don't get out of here Alive.

So have you ever found yourself Loving the wrong person? 

No one is ever the wrong person to love, they may just not be the person to stick in your life always. So open your heart let people in and love them, because some stay forever, some leave and some come back.

But let me tell you this much, when you look deeply into our lovers eyes and you see their pain, their sorrow, their care and their love then you know you have met and fell deeply in-love with the correct person

All My Love to Jeff, my dearest husband

Keep Smiling

Carla

Judge...

"Don't think or judge, just listen."


How many times have you caught yourself "judging" other people?

If you are human then this applies to all of us at some point in our lives. But who says we are "perfect" enough to judge other people?

I know I am not perfect and I am certainly most human; but that does NOT give me the right to sit back and judge others. So the best thing to do is to accept that all people are different in so many different ways and that each one of us is on our own journey through this "thing" we call life. I don't know about you but my journey has never been easy and appears to be somewhat shorter than what I had anticipated it to be.

I open up my closet every day now and hate the things that I have to wear because I have gained back like 50 lbs and most of it is due to the new medications I am on and it just depresses me even more. I was down to like 120 lbs 2 years ago and now because of my illness and medications I can not get that low anymore unless I starve myself to death and then due to my Gastroparesis I will never get that little again because my stoopid stomach won't empty like every one elses does.

So before you all sit back and judge someone, try walking in their shoes, try living in their minds, try looking at the world from their eyes, and see how you would feel? Living every day with a Chronic Illness makes one look at life somewhat differently than others.

So who gives each of us the right to "judge"?

No one does? Until you pass away and leave this world, you or no one, has the right to judge others. And if you are someone who judges or someone who has been judged I feel completely sorry for you.

So step back and take a look at your closet, how does it make you feel every day when you put your pants on the same way as everyone else does?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Women....

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”


How strong are we all really?

I guess this answer comes from within each and everyone of us. I have always had to be the strongest person in my family. I was the peace maker, the unconditional lover, the helper, the rock, and the person that everyone could rely on. I have always waivered some but because of my strong faith in God, I have always just given all of those buckets that I seemed to carry around that had all of the issues everyone felt that I could handle and came to me for help.

Until most recently my tea bag stopped steeping and I became weak. And this has completely scared me to death. I have never ever been weak, so how could this happen to me? I guess eventually we all realize that we are NOT GOD, and that our faith in him has to help carry each and every one of us forward, even if you don't believe in GOD, he is always there carrying us. Just like the only set of foot prints in the sand. I learned that I am NOT weak its just that I had forgotten that GOD has been carrying me.

However I had asked myself several times "Why me?" Why do I keep loosing the people in my life that I love the most? And as I layed in bed last night and cried over the loss of several different people, animals, etc. I realized then and there that I had hardened my heart and was not letting anyone close to me because I have been afraid that I would be cheated on or hurt once again and I couldn't handle that pain.

Pain comes in all forms in our lives. It can be mental pain, spiritual pain, physical pain, heartfelt pain, and simply pain of loosing every thing we love around us. So as humans we do harden our hearts some and shield ourselves so we stop getting hurt.

So I have to stop and look at myself as a tea bag, and when I am placed in to hot water and I start to steep and let out all of that pain, resentment and hurt I become a stronger person because I then drop those buckets I have been carrying around and I let God carry them for me and you know my shoulders seemed to relax and alot of the pain I have been feeling stops.

So no matter in you are a man or woman, we all must step back take a look at our lives and see just how strong we really are. And we are only as strong as God lets us to be, and if we look at our lives as a tea bag in hot water and open our hearts and mind to GOD, then we are unstoppable. Unstoppable with Gods love and allowing him to carry our buckets of burdens and loss so we can stop hurting so much and begin to realize that we don't necessarily loose those around us that we love but that they have came into our lives for a reason and a season and that we will always love these people, animals, etc, but we just may not have them directly in our lives daily.

So how strong is your tea bag once you place it in to hot water?

Keep Smiling

Carla

How tall are you?

“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”


Everytime I go to the doctor (whether it is my GI, COPD, Surgeon, Pshychiatrist, etc etc) I am always asked "how tall are you?"

Sometimes I would love to just respond, "5'6 and stacked full of shit!!!"

But then I don't think the nurses would understand that kind of sense of humor.

I don't know about all of you, but having a good sense of humor does help us "Chronic Illness" warriors make it daily throughout our lives. If we didn't have some kinds of sense of humor "how would we make it thru?"

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes a good sense of humor doesn't fix it all, and there are soo many times I just sit back and look at my life, others lives and look up to GOD and ask "Why?" and all I get back in reply from God is "I've got this, you go ahead and laugh and cry"

So if God does have our lives in his hands then "Why" does he make some of us suffer from a Chronic Illness? The only answer I have been able to come up with is that it seems to make us all a stronger person. But I can certainly tell you this much, I am tired of being that stronger person.

As I sat on my front room floor yesterday afternoon, and sobbed because I couldn't find a anniversary gift that I had bought for my wonderful husband because plain and simply I have completely LOST my Mind. I decided then and there that I AM NOT GOD, so therefore GOD must have some kind of plan for me, but boy do I NOT LIKE IT.... but I guess we don't have to like the plans that God has set out for us. Just like the 12 disciples that didn't like the plans Jesus had set out for them.

So now that I have attempted "suicide", yeppers, I just said it. I will no longer be able to have pain meds, so guess now that makes me a chronic illness warrior who will have to feel every little ounce of pain that goes along with the illnesses that I now face. So I have currently been going thru, GP, Fibro, COPD, Bipolar, Allergies, chronic back pain, neck pain, vomiting, etc etc without any kinds of help from pain meds, so all I get to take now is Ibuprofen and that does NOT help me in the least.

So why and how do we all keep going, us "chronic illness" warriors, I guess my answer is because we have peoples in our lives that need us. I have a wonderful husband, kids, grandkids, bothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and on going and so on and so on that need me. So I suppose like the rest of all of us I will work on sticking it out here on this ever so painful earth and sit and pray constantly that God helps and saves me from all of these chronic illnesses sooner than later, cause let me tell you, I am only human and I would never ever handle being on that cross like Jesus.

I really want to send out a huge "Thank you" and hugs to everyone in my life that holds me, loves me, and wants me around for awhile longer, so I will strive to do just that, be around as long as I can until I am called home.

So Keep Smiling

Carla


P.S. Full Disclosure - if you are a God hater, sorry, I am not and so this message comes with God in mind and in my life...

Choices - we all have a choice of some sort to make in our life times

 
 "It’s not like you don’t have a choice, because you do—you can either type or kill yourself." 

Every since I posted lately that I had tried to commit Suicide (or my intentions was to truly stop all of my pain) I have gotten alot of comments from people all of over the country whom have commented
that they completey understand because they are all living the same battle (of some sorts) in life with a major chronic illness.

So I know we always question "why me" every single day? And we question this either to God and or to someone of a higher power. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like God is answering us in a way that we want to. Because we are all human beings with wants, likes and dislikes, and just NOT patient enough. Self gratification it seems is a large part of the world today. The "I want it Now" or it's life is "All about Me".... I don't know about you, but my generation was more like "What can we do to help others".

We didn't have school shootings, or drive by shootings, we didn't have people abusing animals at the level they do today (which just simply makes me sick), misbehaving in schools; jobs; etc. And just plain disrespectful to everyone. I know that I worked hard to teach my 3 kids that this generation is an all about me generation and I am not saying that it is most certainly wrong. We all at some times in our own lives have to be a little selfish and take of ourselves so we have the ability to help others. And I now I have taught my kids well, because none of them are selfish and that all 3 of them have a wonderful heart.

So I have told them time and time again that our lives are all about "Choices". Choices we make about our lives that affect us positively, physically, mentally and Godly. No one on this earth has to answer to anyone when it comes to our free choices, however we do have to respect others because of jobs, family, people, assitants, all the way down the list (to many to list out)... So the respect thing is a large part of the choices we make. I always told me kids when they were in highschool that they should be polite and nice to everyone because that is the best way, but also to as long as they made eye contact with everyone and at least knodded or said Hi everyday then just maybe this kids that is going thru a very hard time in his life just may spare their life if this kid decides to come to school someday and start shooting and because my kids was at least kind and smiled and knodded to the shooter every day it just may spare their lives.

I have a child that is Biploar/Schizophrenic and this child of mine has been since 11 years old. I have now been diagnosed with Bipolar (especially since my grandman and mother had it)... So I have alway protected my 3 kids so very much, I never wanted them to get hurt.

But one day I realized I can't be their protector for ever (even tho as a parent we fight to keep trying to), but that all we can do is instill competency, good morales and give them the chance to hopefully make the right choices when they need to.

So I am here today because God sent my husband home on June 2nd right after I had attempted suicide and I was saved. So I assume it was God's choice to not let me die just then because he has plans for me. Can I always tell what those plans are? Nope, but I can tell you this much when you open your eyes up the most simply amazing husband, kids etc, it humbles a person to realize that the choice we made was NOT a good choice and the choice that my husband made to come home that day was a great decision.

Am I out of the woods from this over does to stop all the pain? NOPE

I now have to fight every day to keep my head in the right direction, I have been talking with my husband more, I have been working and striving to realize God has carried me for the last 6 years through all of my trials and tribulations, and YES God has shown many of his wonderful daily graces.

So we all must make a "Choice" to look for these graces (tiny miracles) in life and to enjoy them.
So I have always been able to preach to people about how the Choices we make not only affect ourselves but how it affects others?

So sit down and look at your life and determine "What do I have to live for" What can I do to make my life better? What kind of choices can I make to help me cope? (and eventually after a long time of praying, counseling, and coping you will get your answers)

My choice now and today forward is to "LIVE" and show God's grace though me to everyone else.

Keep Smiling

Carla

        

             

Path's

Have you ever wondered why we cross path's with people? I know I have and I have came to the conclusion that it's not always just because. It is just because God has chosen for these people to cross our path's. Sometimes its for a reson or for a season.

I certainly hope that people in my life are more than just a season, but I have experienced this multiple times. These people came into my life when I really needed it. So I sit back and take a look at things in my life and I know now that I have been loved and continue to be loved by several different people for several different reasons.

So the next time you are sitting in the doctors office, lawyers office, funeral home, hospital, church, lunch, etc... look around you and see whom has been placed close to you and wonder is this for a reason or a season and never hesitate to reach out and touch someone because one day, just maybe one day, you won't be able to because you will have lost your will to reach out to people.

Being independent is ok, but being alone is a struggle.

So I say meet these people for a reason and see what life throws at you during that season.

Keep Smiling

Carla

Trust

"Have FAITH in what you know is right, TRUST your instincts, listen to your voice, and keep a postive attitude no matter what the situation is and you will succeed"


How do we trust anyone?

This is a question I have struggled with all of my life. We must have faith in God and know he is right and follow our gut instincts because GOD will never lead us astray. So if we want to live a life where we truly believe and trust...open your eyes, heart, your inner voice and keep a positive attitude...

GOD is always carrying us through all the hard times and he is always praising us through the good times...

God bless you all

Keep Smiling

Carla

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You're done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare..."

How many times have you extended forgiveness to someone only to see that it comes back at you full circle?  I have experienced this many times. But you know as my old saying always goes "Never get mad so you don't have to get glad"...I do realize that this can always be hard, but why is it? Why is always hard to not get mad and to forgive? It is all a part of your own frame of mind, and that is to love unconditionally and not to get so mad that you have to forgive. I have experienced this first hand this past week, and opening up my eyes to the best person in my life, my husband Jeff, and seeing his smile and the sadness in his eyes, has made me want to be a better person. I knew so many people cared for me, but just never really understood how many or how much until my Mom passed away and my brief stay in the hospital recently. And seeing and feeling all of this "love" has really melted my heart and has given me a greater sense of purpose to my life.

I truly feel that "God" has given me a real chance at life so many times, but I don't think I releazed this chance at life so greatly until I woke up in the ER on Tuesday and looked into Jeff's eyes, and my kids eyes and then I felt the true sense of love. And this "Love" I feel I need to pass on to everyone who has never recieved this true love from God or any human ever.

So take a moment, sit down and look into your Bible and read about God's one true love and how we as human's can recieve this one true love. For each and every one of us recieves this love differently from God and from friends and family.

So how do you intend on extending Forgiveness? And how do you intend on Loving others?

Keep Smiling

Carla

Rejoice or Mourn

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

I do believe that this quote speaks volums. I have experienced alot of losses within the past year and half. I have always been the rock of the family and because of so many things that have happened to me over the last 6 years, I am not the strong rock anymore, only 1 person can take so much until we crack. But I guess it has always been my way, I have been strong since I can remeber, and so I guess that is why I have been always that way.

So I sit back at times and think back about where did I get my strength from?  And I think the one thing that keeps me strong and going is my Faith in God. (I know many of you nay sayers are going to poo poo me- but that is everyone's choice). As I stated at my Mom's funeral:

"Rejoice with others who Rejoice; Mourn with others who Mourn" Romans 11:15

This scripture spoke right to my heart on that very day and so I had not written anything down I just got up to the podium and looked out at all of the faces that where family, close friends, etc. and I recited that verse and then I stood there for a minute and I decided to add that today I was going to choose to "Rejoice" because my Mom was now with God, my Dad and other family members. But as I was sitting and drinking coffee on a very early Saturday morning due to Miss Maggie insisting that I should get up on Saturdays and Sundays at 5:30am just like any other week day. I sat there and thought about so many things that swirled thru my mind and you know I can't really remember everything I spoke at my mothers funeral (cause I didn't write it down I just spoke from the heart)... And when done I looked at my brother and sister's face and they were in tears so I know what ever I said spoke to their hearts also.

But you know after I left to go back to where I live I have struggled very hard with Rejoicing and I have been mourning. I have so much pain built up in me from the last 6 - 7 years, that I just don't know how I am ever going to get past all of it. I work hard every day to keep the past in just that "my past" and I try to look forward to what God has chosen for my future.

As anyone would do is look to God and ask "Why?" (I think we all have done this several times)... Why did she have to die? Why did he have to die? Why did my ex cheat on me? Why did he have to move? Why? Why? Why? and I know this is the human side of all of us. So the hurt keeps dragging us through all of the Why's in our lives. And as everyone keeps telling me that "God has a plan for your life" I do often question what his plan for my life is? Because I have been blessed with so many things in my life (such as my 3 wonderful kids), but why have they & I have had to suffer so many losses?

So as I withdraw inward and try to work on my grieving process I have to remember am I going to "Rejoice"?

I do believe that is the better option, so we all need to look at life ny "Rejoicing" with all that we have and not what we don't have or have lost. Cause someday I will see them all again in heaven.

So what is your decision going to be?  Will you "Rejoice with others who rejoice; or Mourn with others who mourn?

So Keep Smiling even through the pain...

Carla