Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Life: Introvert versus extrovert...
Life: Introvert versus extrovert...: "I stay to myself most of the time now!!!" I know that I have recently figured out, from talking with my counselor, that anymor...
Introvert versus extrovert...
"I stay to myself most of the time now!!!"
I know that I have recently figured out, from talking with my counselor, that anymore I stay to myself most of the time. I have always been a major people person and I am still not shy, but because of my past and all of my major health issues I have become very "introverted". This really does bother me tho. So I think that is why I have started up my blog once again, so I can express myself in many different ways.
I am a very diverse lady. I have many talents. I face many challenges daily. I look at life differently than others. I have a very strong faith. I am not afraid to talk to strangers. I am able to speak in a public type forum. And I personally really don't care what others think about me. But yet I have found myself becoming way more to myself and way more introverted. I don't know why but I am.
And not that "staying to yourself most of the time" or being "introverted" is a bad thing. It just means life have evolved around you to the point that you change. Change is a great thing. If we don't allow ourselves to change then we will all struggle ever day even harder than normal. Diversity and change are a positive thing in our own lives.
How do you perceive yourself in life as you sit now? Are you and extrovert or an introvert? Are you willing to change and go with the flow of life? Or are you a person who rebels against change? It doesn't matter who, what or where you are in life? This is simply your choice and your choice alone. No one should ever judge you for your own beliefs, your own ideas, your own views, etc because we are not the ones to make the judgements. Our day of final judgment is when we pass and leave this world.
So what would you like your legacy to be?
So I guess being a deep thinker, or an introvert means we are giving our minds a major work out. Since our bodies can't do it anymore, if you are chronically ill, like me. Our bodies seem to keep wearing out a little every day, so my mind is on overdrive. Sort of...lol
Do introverts and extroverts mix? I like to think so, my mom was an introvert, my dad was an extrovert. They just learned how to manuever life with each being a different person with their own diversity. So I guess that is what I am learning to do is accept my new "normal" what ever it may be (although normal is a setting on my dryer). I certainly hate my health issues, but I guess there is nothing I can do now other than to learn to accept it all.
So I guess all of us introverts who are deep thinkers need to stick together. Because this introvert does do some major over thinking anymore. And I look at life differently anymore. And yep as I always say "we are not going to get out of here alive" so lets use up all we have so when we pass on their is nothing left physically & mentally. I am signed up to be a organ and cadaver donor, but I am not sure what will be left for them to donate. (I kind of plan on using up every bit of me I have)... so then I guess what ever is left and they can't donate it then I can become a science project. Boy will they get a kick out of my "jacked up insides"....lol...and yep I have had 3 different doctors tell me my insides are completely "jacked up"... Good, that means I am "not normal" and boy my husband and kids would agree to that.
So let's just not place labels on anyone and learn to accept whatever the new normal is in this world, because we are not all going to get out of here alive.
Keep Smiling
Carla
I know that I have recently figured out, from talking with my counselor, that anymore I stay to myself most of the time. I have always been a major people person and I am still not shy, but because of my past and all of my major health issues I have become very "introverted". This really does bother me tho. So I think that is why I have started up my blog once again, so I can express myself in many different ways.
I am a very diverse lady. I have many talents. I face many challenges daily. I look at life differently than others. I have a very strong faith. I am not afraid to talk to strangers. I am able to speak in a public type forum. And I personally really don't care what others think about me. But yet I have found myself becoming way more to myself and way more introverted. I don't know why but I am.
And not that "staying to yourself most of the time" or being "introverted" is a bad thing. It just means life have evolved around you to the point that you change. Change is a great thing. If we don't allow ourselves to change then we will all struggle ever day even harder than normal. Diversity and change are a positive thing in our own lives.
How do you perceive yourself in life as you sit now? Are you and extrovert or an introvert? Are you willing to change and go with the flow of life? Or are you a person who rebels against change? It doesn't matter who, what or where you are in life? This is simply your choice and your choice alone. No one should ever judge you for your own beliefs, your own ideas, your own views, etc because we are not the ones to make the judgements. Our day of final judgment is when we pass and leave this world.
So what would you like your legacy to be?
So I guess being a deep thinker, or an introvert means we are giving our minds a major work out. Since our bodies can't do it anymore, if you are chronically ill, like me. Our bodies seem to keep wearing out a little every day, so my mind is on overdrive. Sort of...lol
Do introverts and extroverts mix? I like to think so, my mom was an introvert, my dad was an extrovert. They just learned how to manuever life with each being a different person with their own diversity. So I guess that is what I am learning to do is accept my new "normal" what ever it may be (although normal is a setting on my dryer). I certainly hate my health issues, but I guess there is nothing I can do now other than to learn to accept it all.
So I guess all of us introverts who are deep thinkers need to stick together. Because this introvert does do some major over thinking anymore. And I look at life differently anymore. And yep as I always say "we are not going to get out of here alive" so lets use up all we have so when we pass on their is nothing left physically & mentally. I am signed up to be a organ and cadaver donor, but I am not sure what will be left for them to donate. (I kind of plan on using up every bit of me I have)... so then I guess what ever is left and they can't donate it then I can become a science project. Boy will they get a kick out of my "jacked up insides"....lol...and yep I have had 3 different doctors tell me my insides are completely "jacked up"... Good, that means I am "not normal" and boy my husband and kids would agree to that.
So let's just not place labels on anyone and learn to accept whatever the new normal is in this world, because we are not all going to get out of here alive.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Monday, September 21, 2015
Life: Just don't give up...
Life: Just don't give up...: "Never give up on something you really want. It's difficult to wait, but worse to regret!!!" I know I have been told to pl...
Just don't give up...
"Never give up on something you really want. It's difficult to wait, but worse to regret!!!"
I know I have been told to please "just don't give up"... especially since I have already attempted to give up back on June 2nd and wishing to just simply die and go to heaven or meet the devil. Because with my health I already feel like I am living in he*$ now.
But as I sit here an think about things sometimes we just simply see how our own lives go and it really affects our mental thoughts and our outward feelings. But you know there truly are others out there that are actually Yep, worse than us.
I have a sister in christ who struggled with multiple surgeries for years with blood clots in her legs and unfortunately she lost her battle and they had to amputate her leg this past week. It just simply breaks my heart and I have cried some tears over her situation. She has a very strong faith and I know God will carry her through even with all she will be facing. All I pray for is that she will no longer be in immense pain.
A co-worker of mine lost his 2 year old granddaughter this past week to a rare brain cancer. She fought like a little trouper for about year and went thru all the unspeakable cancer treatments and her parents were strong as rocks during everything. I just can not fathom loosing a child before I pass away and now these young parents have lost their first born baby girl to cancer. My heart breaks for them and I even cried several tears for them also.
Let's just say I love "unconditionally" and it can be a plague sometimes.
My husband had a much needed surgery this past week on his neck and thankfully the surgeon was able to repair his vertebrae in his neck and once he gets through the recovery process it should alleviate some of his pain and should be able to return back to work. I sat and cried after the surgeon talked to me and told me. This was great news.
So as I am hunched over the throne vomiting everything I have in my stomach from the last several days, I cry, my nose runs, I get shaky, I sweat and I just sometimes simply pray that I could just throw up my stomach (I so wish it was possible). And I ask God "why me?" and I think all of us ask this question to God sometimes, especially if you are dealing with any kind of a chronic illness.
All I can say is that we need to stop, think and realize: yes life sucks for us chronically ill people but at least we are alive. Even if our existence sucks. We are here to enjoy what parts of life we are given by God. I have been given many talents. I can sing (until my esophagus errodes), I can draw, I can play instruments, I love unconditionally, I give anytime I can, I enjoy all the little things in life that God gives us, I love to spoil others (esp. my husband, kids and pets), I love God and I have a strong faith. But most of all I am still here on this earth because God must not have wanted me yet, for some reason I have yet to figure out.
I guess we all need to just not give up. There is a cure out there, there is new help for our illnesses, there are specialist we can see eventually to help make our lives somewhat easier. There is simply our own minds to help us determine how we see life. Trust me this is very hard, even for me. I struggle so much daily with my Bipolar and Menopause. I have been extremely irritated. I HATE being irritated. I have decided that I have been through enough in my 48 years (29 surgeries, 3 wonderful kids, horrible pregnancies, premature babies, a divorce, loss of my home and all of my belongings, starting over, hitting rock bottom several times and then finding out there was a basement under that rock bottom, a new husband - which is great; new wonderful step kids; and of course my multiple health issues that have now made me chronically ill and disabled).... But I still get up everyday, even as hard as it is, and I go to work, and I some how simply survive and I take this survival on a daily basis. So as a suicide survivor I have decided to not give up.
So has a survivor I look at things daily and appreciate everything God has brought into my life. I may seem and be negative at times, and look at the glass as half empty instead of half full. Does that make me a bad person, NOPE. Because we all can't have good days, but on those days when we aren't good we need to not give up. We need to strive to get through these rough days and pray for a better day tomorrow.
So as you sit there and ponder "can I keep doing this?" and you question life and all that is has handed you or given you, just this simple phrase can get you through if you allow it to "JUST DON'T GIVE UP" because tomorrow can possibly bring you something bigger and better. And if tomorrow doesn't bring you anything bigger and better just keep hanging on and keep fighting towards the next day and then the next day and maybe just maybe it will "get better"...
Keep Smiling
Carla
I know I have been told to please "just don't give up"... especially since I have already attempted to give up back on June 2nd and wishing to just simply die and go to heaven or meet the devil. Because with my health I already feel like I am living in he*$ now.
But as I sit here an think about things sometimes we just simply see how our own lives go and it really affects our mental thoughts and our outward feelings. But you know there truly are others out there that are actually Yep, worse than us.
I have a sister in christ who struggled with multiple surgeries for years with blood clots in her legs and unfortunately she lost her battle and they had to amputate her leg this past week. It just simply breaks my heart and I have cried some tears over her situation. She has a very strong faith and I know God will carry her through even with all she will be facing. All I pray for is that she will no longer be in immense pain.
A co-worker of mine lost his 2 year old granddaughter this past week to a rare brain cancer. She fought like a little trouper for about year and went thru all the unspeakable cancer treatments and her parents were strong as rocks during everything. I just can not fathom loosing a child before I pass away and now these young parents have lost their first born baby girl to cancer. My heart breaks for them and I even cried several tears for them also.
Let's just say I love "unconditionally" and it can be a plague sometimes.
My husband had a much needed surgery this past week on his neck and thankfully the surgeon was able to repair his vertebrae in his neck and once he gets through the recovery process it should alleviate some of his pain and should be able to return back to work. I sat and cried after the surgeon talked to me and told me. This was great news.
So as I am hunched over the throne vomiting everything I have in my stomach from the last several days, I cry, my nose runs, I get shaky, I sweat and I just sometimes simply pray that I could just throw up my stomach (I so wish it was possible). And I ask God "why me?" and I think all of us ask this question to God sometimes, especially if you are dealing with any kind of a chronic illness.
All I can say is that we need to stop, think and realize: yes life sucks for us chronically ill people but at least we are alive. Even if our existence sucks. We are here to enjoy what parts of life we are given by God. I have been given many talents. I can sing (until my esophagus errodes), I can draw, I can play instruments, I love unconditionally, I give anytime I can, I enjoy all the little things in life that God gives us, I love to spoil others (esp. my husband, kids and pets), I love God and I have a strong faith. But most of all I am still here on this earth because God must not have wanted me yet, for some reason I have yet to figure out.
I guess we all need to just not give up. There is a cure out there, there is new help for our illnesses, there are specialist we can see eventually to help make our lives somewhat easier. There is simply our own minds to help us determine how we see life. Trust me this is very hard, even for me. I struggle so much daily with my Bipolar and Menopause. I have been extremely irritated. I HATE being irritated. I have decided that I have been through enough in my 48 years (29 surgeries, 3 wonderful kids, horrible pregnancies, premature babies, a divorce, loss of my home and all of my belongings, starting over, hitting rock bottom several times and then finding out there was a basement under that rock bottom, a new husband - which is great; new wonderful step kids; and of course my multiple health issues that have now made me chronically ill and disabled).... But I still get up everyday, even as hard as it is, and I go to work, and I some how simply survive and I take this survival on a daily basis. So as a suicide survivor I have decided to not give up.
So has a survivor I look at things daily and appreciate everything God has brought into my life. I may seem and be negative at times, and look at the glass as half empty instead of half full. Does that make me a bad person, NOPE. Because we all can't have good days, but on those days when we aren't good we need to not give up. We need to strive to get through these rough days and pray for a better day tomorrow.
So as you sit there and ponder "can I keep doing this?" and you question life and all that is has handed you or given you, just this simple phrase can get you through if you allow it to "JUST DON'T GIVE UP" because tomorrow can possibly bring you something bigger and better. And if tomorrow doesn't bring you anything bigger and better just keep hanging on and keep fighting towards the next day and then the next day and maybe just maybe it will "get better"...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Life: Miracles...
Life: Miracles...: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I don...
Miracles...
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
I don't know about you but I really wish God would place a miracle in my life that would heal all of my chronic illnesses. But I also know that God gave me all of these chronic illnesses so that I can look at life and everything within this life as a miracle. (so it's a double edged sword)
I have learned from being extremely sick to look at life as though God has granted me another day to be open to any kind of new experiences. Such as the morning sunrise, the butterflies that flutter around me, my dog and her unconditional love, even the locusts who are singing a deafening song right now in the evenings when I take my dog for a walk. Life is full of so many different miracles and they may be small but they are there. You just need to open yourself up to seeing these miracles all around us daily.
How do you look at life? Do you look for the little miracles that God grants us? I know there are day's when we all hang our heads low because we are sick either mentally, physically or emotionally. I have had so many of these days. And I have some pressing health issues coming up with my husband and myself and it is so hard to stop and look at these little miracles. But you know what, God has given me a big miracle in bringing my new husband into my life 2 years ago. He granted me the miracle of being a mother to 3 wonderful kids. And so forth. So I guess there are two ways to live life. We can choose to look for these little miracles or we can choose to just hang our heads and go throughout life hating everything and everyone. But I really think that is a miserable way to live.
I will be having a permanent Jejostomy tube placed sometime within the next week or so. Trust me I have a love/hate relationship with these tubes and I really don't want to have another one, but my life without it is somewhat miserable so having it will help me to feel better. So I guess I can look at it as a miracle from God for me to continue to live on this earth and be here for my husband, kids and family.
I just got 2 new tattoos to represent the passing of my parents, and then to represent my fight with Gastroparesis, and to mark my 3 month anniversary of surviving an attempted suicide. The guy who did my ink was wonderful and they turned out great. This is a miracle/gift from God. I get to display the fact that life can have it's up and downs but we can survive if we choose survival.
I can barely remember much about my attempted suicide, but the one memory that keeps coming back into my mind is my husband, Jeff, screaming my name at me to try to get me to wake up. I hear it in my head now constantly him saying my name and you know I find it comforting to know that he came home early (a miracle from God) from work and he was able to get the ambulance there to save me. The hospital doctor told him if he had been even 30 minutes late I would have been dead. WOW a true miracle from God.
So question is?? What is you WOW in your life? And do you look for all the tiny miracles?
Keep Smiling
Carla
I don't know about you but I really wish God would place a miracle in my life that would heal all of my chronic illnesses. But I also know that God gave me all of these chronic illnesses so that I can look at life and everything within this life as a miracle. (so it's a double edged sword)
I have learned from being extremely sick to look at life as though God has granted me another day to be open to any kind of new experiences. Such as the morning sunrise, the butterflies that flutter around me, my dog and her unconditional love, even the locusts who are singing a deafening song right now in the evenings when I take my dog for a walk. Life is full of so many different miracles and they may be small but they are there. You just need to open yourself up to seeing these miracles all around us daily.
How do you look at life? Do you look for the little miracles that God grants us? I know there are day's when we all hang our heads low because we are sick either mentally, physically or emotionally. I have had so many of these days. And I have some pressing health issues coming up with my husband and myself and it is so hard to stop and look at these little miracles. But you know what, God has given me a big miracle in bringing my new husband into my life 2 years ago. He granted me the miracle of being a mother to 3 wonderful kids. And so forth. So I guess there are two ways to live life. We can choose to look for these little miracles or we can choose to just hang our heads and go throughout life hating everything and everyone. But I really think that is a miserable way to live.
I will be having a permanent Jejostomy tube placed sometime within the next week or so. Trust me I have a love/hate relationship with these tubes and I really don't want to have another one, but my life without it is somewhat miserable so having it will help me to feel better. So I guess I can look at it as a miracle from God for me to continue to live on this earth and be here for my husband, kids and family.
I just got 2 new tattoos to represent the passing of my parents, and then to represent my fight with Gastroparesis, and to mark my 3 month anniversary of surviving an attempted suicide. The guy who did my ink was wonderful and they turned out great. This is a miracle/gift from God. I get to display the fact that life can have it's up and downs but we can survive if we choose survival.
I can barely remember much about my attempted suicide, but the one memory that keeps coming back into my mind is my husband, Jeff, screaming my name at me to try to get me to wake up. I hear it in my head now constantly him saying my name and you know I find it comforting to know that he came home early (a miracle from God) from work and he was able to get the ambulance there to save me. The hospital doctor told him if he had been even 30 minutes late I would have been dead. WOW a true miracle from God.
So question is?? What is you WOW in your life? And do you look for all the tiny miracles?
Keep Smiling
Carla
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