Thursday, July 30, 2015
Life: Instruction Manual...
Life: Instruction Manual...: "It's not failure, its practice"... I can remember my mother telling me that life, spouses, children and just about anythin...
Instruction Manual...
"It's not failure, its practice"...
I can remember my mother telling me that life, spouses, children and just about anything we are going to experience here on earth does not come with a "instruction manual"... And gosh was she so right...
I do think tho that life is never a failure its just a point where we are practicing to either get better, do better, think better or just plain life.
I don't know about you but these thoughts really make me sit back and think about my own life.
I really wish my kids had came with an instruction manual, but I feel as tho I did a pretty amazing job of raising the most awesome kids. Or so I am a little biased. No one is perfect and if not for some failure's along the way the end result may not have been such a good outcome.
I think we all have to learn to deal with the guilt we carry.... GUILT is NOT our fault, it's all practice.
I know I harbor so much guilt, I feel as if I could have been a better wife, a better mother, a better employee, better at taking care of myself, but you know this life is all just a practice mode. A practice to strive to get it all right so when we do hit a failure we will stop and realize it was just that "practice" and this practice will help teach us to do better and hopefully not fail.
Failure is just simply a part of life. That is why each and everyone of us on this earth is different, difficult, loving and failures. Because God created us to be failures or we would be just that "GOD" and no one is GOD. (Even tho some people seem to think they are)...
I like to think that all of my failures have been a practice mode for me to move on with my life and strive harder to be all that I can be. No matter what kind of illness has strapped my physical body with. I may have Gastroparesis, COPD, Fibromyalgia, menopausal, a broken back and neck but you know what I am ALIVE.... It's that praise enough???
So I guess my Mom & Dad didn't get an instruction manual when they raised my brother, sister and I. Was it hard for them?? "Hell yes" is it hard for anyone "Hell Yes"...but you know when you children stare back at you once they are grown and the love in their eyes and the tears in their eyes knowing that we (parents) are human and our lives are short here on earth gives us all a sense of gratitude. (Or at least I know I have felt this great sense of accomplishment, and gratitude from my kids)... My kids may not be doctors, lawyers, but they are happy and they are thriving and they are carving out their nitch in this world.
Just because we are old does not mean we have to stop "carving out our nitch" in this world. Nothing is ever perfect, in fact we all face failures. I know I have faced so many different failures that I have come to realize that well life is just that "life"....
So I guess I have decided every since I choose to attempt to take my life that I was going to make major changes and that I have done. I am not going to let anyone stop me. Maybe I can't do the things that I wished I could do, or things that I did when I was young, but you know there is a lot of life left inside of me. I just need to unleash it. So I go to Planet Fitness daily and work out to help my body feel better, I sing to help my voice and heart feel better, I attend church to help me feel closer to God, I read to open up my mind to life that is out there.... I drive simply to show stoooopid people how to drive. I am a great mother, a great wife, a great employee, a great lover of GOD, and so on. Because if you can't believe in yourself then who will?
Now go out there today without the "instruction manual" and remember failure is just that failure, but it is a way towards practice.
Keep Smiling
Carla
I can remember my mother telling me that life, spouses, children and just about anything we are going to experience here on earth does not come with a "instruction manual"... And gosh was she so right...
I do think tho that life is never a failure its just a point where we are practicing to either get better, do better, think better or just plain life.
I don't know about you but these thoughts really make me sit back and think about my own life.
I really wish my kids had came with an instruction manual, but I feel as tho I did a pretty amazing job of raising the most awesome kids. Or so I am a little biased. No one is perfect and if not for some failure's along the way the end result may not have been such a good outcome.
I think we all have to learn to deal with the guilt we carry.... GUILT is NOT our fault, it's all practice.
I know I harbor so much guilt, I feel as if I could have been a better wife, a better mother, a better employee, better at taking care of myself, but you know this life is all just a practice mode. A practice to strive to get it all right so when we do hit a failure we will stop and realize it was just that "practice" and this practice will help teach us to do better and hopefully not fail.
Failure is just simply a part of life. That is why each and everyone of us on this earth is different, difficult, loving and failures. Because God created us to be failures or we would be just that "GOD" and no one is GOD. (Even tho some people seem to think they are)...
I like to think that all of my failures have been a practice mode for me to move on with my life and strive harder to be all that I can be. No matter what kind of illness has strapped my physical body with. I may have Gastroparesis, COPD, Fibromyalgia, menopausal, a broken back and neck but you know what I am ALIVE.... It's that praise enough???
So I guess my Mom & Dad didn't get an instruction manual when they raised my brother, sister and I. Was it hard for them?? "Hell yes" is it hard for anyone "Hell Yes"...but you know when you children stare back at you once they are grown and the love in their eyes and the tears in their eyes knowing that we (parents) are human and our lives are short here on earth gives us all a sense of gratitude. (Or at least I know I have felt this great sense of accomplishment, and gratitude from my kids)... My kids may not be doctors, lawyers, but they are happy and they are thriving and they are carving out their nitch in this world.
Just because we are old does not mean we have to stop "carving out our nitch" in this world. Nothing is ever perfect, in fact we all face failures. I know I have faced so many different failures that I have come to realize that well life is just that "life"....
So I guess I have decided every since I choose to attempt to take my life that I was going to make major changes and that I have done. I am not going to let anyone stop me. Maybe I can't do the things that I wished I could do, or things that I did when I was young, but you know there is a lot of life left inside of me. I just need to unleash it. So I go to Planet Fitness daily and work out to help my body feel better, I sing to help my voice and heart feel better, I attend church to help me feel closer to God, I read to open up my mind to life that is out there.... I drive simply to show stoooopid people how to drive. I am a great mother, a great wife, a great employee, a great lover of GOD, and so on. Because if you can't believe in yourself then who will?
Now go out there today without the "instruction manual" and remember failure is just that failure, but it is a way towards practice.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Life: No one is perfect...
Life: No one is perfect...: “No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.” I really like this quote. I am certainly NOT perfect, so an eraser has came...
No one is perfect...
“No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.”
I really like this quote. I am certainly NOT perfect, so an eraser has came in so very handy for me at different times in my life.
I wish I could use this pencil eraser right now to help erase all of the physical pain that I am feeling and to be able to help others in pain. I read alot about other people on my facebook, my inspire website who hurt daily due to multiple health issues. And I just sometimes really struggle with why God chooses so many good people to battle with daily chronic health issues. However I think it is a way for God to make his shepherds stronger on earth and it prepares us for what is to come. (What ever that may be)...
I do like the concept of a eraser. Could we somehow use this eraser when it comes to our own lives?
There are so many areas of my life I wish I could go back and erase and start over. I am sure everyone feels this way in some sort of way. I would love to erase alot of different things in my past.
My life was never an easy one so erasing certain painful memories would be nice. But you know I understand that my past has molded me into who I am today. And I would never ever want to erase my 3 kids out of my life. They are my everything.
I don't have many regrets (well maybe some), but the regrets are only going to tie you down to a life of wishing when we need to focus our life on what's ahead. I have chosen to try to leave my past in my past. It does have a way of creeping up on me, but I then in turn push it back into my past.
I am truly blessed with so many different things, people, etc in my life. And for these blessings I thank God everyday. I also talk to God everyday about why I have so many different chronic health issues and why me? But I think he has chosen me to help reach out and help others thru their enduring process of health issues. (Simply because I have been there and I have conquered some rough times and yet I have so many trials and tribulations ahead of me)... But I choose to forge ahead with my husband, my family and my God by my side.
So how would you like to erase things from your past, present of future?
I would certainly love to erase things such as: Walmart (there really is no need to be exposed to people in their pajamas and slippers to get the cheapest items they can get) sorry if you love Walmart,
animal abusers, children abusers, the auto lights that come on your car's dashboard, flat tires, grocery shopping (you think they could come up with a much better than, than having to go thru the store pick up food, take home, put away and some of it becomes a science experiment because you forgot you bought it and it is in the back of the fridge, morning alarm clocks, lack of siestas in america, push 2 for frikkin english, and so I am sure I can come up with so many more pet peeves. But you know these pet peeves is what makes the world go around.
I think if I could really use an eraser for the good it would be to erase, chronic & or terminally ill diseases. Boy wouldn't that be wonderful. (Except I have meet some wonderful people from my chronic illness).
I really need an eraser today trying to type up this blog, I can not type today... so here's to a large ERASER for everyone's life. Just don't erase the good parts..
Keep Smiling
Carla
I really like this quote. I am certainly NOT perfect, so an eraser has came in so very handy for me at different times in my life.
I wish I could use this pencil eraser right now to help erase all of the physical pain that I am feeling and to be able to help others in pain. I read alot about other people on my facebook, my inspire website who hurt daily due to multiple health issues. And I just sometimes really struggle with why God chooses so many good people to battle with daily chronic health issues. However I think it is a way for God to make his shepherds stronger on earth and it prepares us for what is to come. (What ever that may be)...
I do like the concept of a eraser. Could we somehow use this eraser when it comes to our own lives?
There are so many areas of my life I wish I could go back and erase and start over. I am sure everyone feels this way in some sort of way. I would love to erase alot of different things in my past.
My life was never an easy one so erasing certain painful memories would be nice. But you know I understand that my past has molded me into who I am today. And I would never ever want to erase my 3 kids out of my life. They are my everything.
I don't have many regrets (well maybe some), but the regrets are only going to tie you down to a life of wishing when we need to focus our life on what's ahead. I have chosen to try to leave my past in my past. It does have a way of creeping up on me, but I then in turn push it back into my past.
I am truly blessed with so many different things, people, etc in my life. And for these blessings I thank God everyday. I also talk to God everyday about why I have so many different chronic health issues and why me? But I think he has chosen me to help reach out and help others thru their enduring process of health issues. (Simply because I have been there and I have conquered some rough times and yet I have so many trials and tribulations ahead of me)... But I choose to forge ahead with my husband, my family and my God by my side.
So how would you like to erase things from your past, present of future?
I would certainly love to erase things such as: Walmart (there really is no need to be exposed to people in their pajamas and slippers to get the cheapest items they can get) sorry if you love Walmart,
animal abusers, children abusers, the auto lights that come on your car's dashboard, flat tires, grocery shopping (you think they could come up with a much better than, than having to go thru the store pick up food, take home, put away and some of it becomes a science experiment because you forgot you bought it and it is in the back of the fridge, morning alarm clocks, lack of siestas in america, push 2 for frikkin english, and so I am sure I can come up with so many more pet peeves. But you know these pet peeves is what makes the world go around.
I think if I could really use an eraser for the good it would be to erase, chronic & or terminally ill diseases. Boy wouldn't that be wonderful. (Except I have meet some wonderful people from my chronic illness).
I really need an eraser today trying to type up this blog, I can not type today... so here's to a large ERASER for everyone's life. Just don't erase the good parts..
Keep Smiling
Carla
Friday, July 24, 2015
Life: Believe in magic...
Life: Believe in magic...: “Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” I don't know about you but I truly believe in magic. Believing is what m...
Believe in magic...
“Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
I don't know about you but I truly believe in magic. Believing is what makes us all unique and yet similar. But you have got to believe in magic to survive this world and hope you find magic in something.
I do truly believe in a lot of different things. My mind is way more "open" than others. I do not think straight down one specific path, and so I do believe that this way of thinking is what makes me unique and this can also make everyone unique.
Wouldn't it be really odd if we all believed the same things the same way? Boy it would be boring. Kind of like the movies where they make robots and these robots all think the same, look the same and therefore life would always be the same. For me, I like to think that robots are a good thing (don't get me wrong), but God intended all of us to have our own free will, our own free minds, our own ways of believing and therefore our culture on this earth makes us all unique and that is what makes the (earth) merry go round, continue to go around and around and around. (p.s. don't get dizzy)..
What kind of magic can you stop and think about that would make you realize you may never ever achieve this magic? I like to think that magic comes in many different forms. It can just simply be the magic of finding a single beautiful flower amongst weeds, or the morning dew hovering over the ground with the sunshine peeking down on it. Or this magic could be well "Magic Johnson" and his dream of basketball. Or the world cup soccer players that achieved their magic of winning.
I guess we should never ever stop believing in magic because it does exist. It exists in all of us. We all have a little bit of magic inside and so that is why we get a little giddy when we see the castle at "Disneyland"... or watch the movie Cinderella with your kids, grand kids, and so forth, and we all stop to believe in the magic of the glass slipper and she gets to fit in that shoe and become the princess.
Oh wouldn't that be so lovely to fit into a glass slipper that could grant us our biggest magical wish and seeing it come true? I know I would love for those kind of magical moments. Its just society has driven some of us to become harsh, quiet, reserved, robotic like and therefore we all loose our one true passion in life and that is to "believe"
So I choose to "believe" in magic because that way I can find it in my present and in my future. Because I really don't want life to just pass by me and I don't take a hold of the reigns and venture off into a magical world. (Ok, I know I have to work, I have to clean, do laundry, cook, feed my dog - oh yeah all of those wonderful daily tasks we all must press onward and do) but it doesn't mean we can't still yearn and strive for those magical moments and simply "believe" in whatever wish you dare to wish for. (I know I have many dreams)
So stop today and take a moment to believe in the world of magic so you can find some of it in your life.
Keep Smiling
Carla
P.S. If you don't believe then don't read this post
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Life: Every moment...
Life: Every moment...: “Every moment holds the potential to cause us to see differently.” I know I have experienced a lot of moments that have made me sit back...
Every moment...
“Every moment holds the potential to cause us to see differently.”
I know I have experienced a lot of moments that have made me sit back and look at things differently.
Have you ever done this? I am sure we all can attest to moments that have either made us or broke us.
Being chronically ill really does place us in a position where we look at life differently. Some people embrace their illness and strive to move forward in the best possible way. (Now don't mistake me, people do have moments in their lives where we all waiver and really wish we weren't ill) but then their are people out there who can not handle being ill and just want to end it all. Either way illnesses can define who we are, how we look at life, and how we perceive things differently.
As many people in this world, my life has not been a simple one. I have unfortunately experienced many different problematic moments in my life, some good, some NOT good, but it has made me look at everything around me differently. I have the best kids in the world (ok maybe I am bragging but that's ok, they are wonderful kids) and my health has made them sad and worried about me. I have been their main stay every since birth, their Mom, their Dad, their bread winner, their savior, their comforter, their friend, their whole world and so it pains me that I made a choice back in 2011 to be a healthier Mom and it all backfired.
Today is not a good day for me, I am in a lot of pain from many different health issues. So yep these moments make me look at life differently. Sometimes I see life as an open book ready for me to write in the pages and then I would like to just crawl back under the sheets and hide away from the world. But this is how God has made each of us different. So differences is what makes this world revolve.
Music has always been my healer thru out it all. Depends on my mood will depend on what I listen to. And you know when I listen to music it does make me think about things and helps me look at life differently. This morning at 6am my dog, Maggie, insists that I need to go outside and so I look out across our backyard and the sun is shinning thru the trees and at that moment I do realize that God is good and has provided all of us with these moments of grace.
So I guess when we are all in pain, hurting for some odd reason, or just simply feel like we are done, we need to stop, and take a look at life from our pets eyes. Maggie's eyes are always dark bright and loving and that's part of what gets me through the day is going home to her unconditional love (along with Jeff's unconditional love and my kids unconditional love) because that is truly what it is all about.
Love!!!!
Keep Smiling
Carla
P.S. Savor every moment and look at the cause of life differently
I know I have experienced a lot of moments that have made me sit back and look at things differently.
Have you ever done this? I am sure we all can attest to moments that have either made us or broke us.
Being chronically ill really does place us in a position where we look at life differently. Some people embrace their illness and strive to move forward in the best possible way. (Now don't mistake me, people do have moments in their lives where we all waiver and really wish we weren't ill) but then their are people out there who can not handle being ill and just want to end it all. Either way illnesses can define who we are, how we look at life, and how we perceive things differently.
As many people in this world, my life has not been a simple one. I have unfortunately experienced many different problematic moments in my life, some good, some NOT good, but it has made me look at everything around me differently. I have the best kids in the world (ok maybe I am bragging but that's ok, they are wonderful kids) and my health has made them sad and worried about me. I have been their main stay every since birth, their Mom, their Dad, their bread winner, their savior, their comforter, their friend, their whole world and so it pains me that I made a choice back in 2011 to be a healthier Mom and it all backfired.
Today is not a good day for me, I am in a lot of pain from many different health issues. So yep these moments make me look at life differently. Sometimes I see life as an open book ready for me to write in the pages and then I would like to just crawl back under the sheets and hide away from the world. But this is how God has made each of us different. So differences is what makes this world revolve.
Music has always been my healer thru out it all. Depends on my mood will depend on what I listen to. And you know when I listen to music it does make me think about things and helps me look at life differently. This morning at 6am my dog, Maggie, insists that I need to go outside and so I look out across our backyard and the sun is shinning thru the trees and at that moment I do realize that God is good and has provided all of us with these moments of grace.
So I guess when we are all in pain, hurting for some odd reason, or just simply feel like we are done, we need to stop, and take a look at life from our pets eyes. Maggie's eyes are always dark bright and loving and that's part of what gets me through the day is going home to her unconditional love (along with Jeff's unconditional love and my kids unconditional love) because that is truly what it is all about.
Love!!!!
Keep Smiling
Carla
P.S. Savor every moment and look at the cause of life differently
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Life: Live all the days...
Life: Live all the days...: "May you love all the days of your life!!" Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past ...
Live all the days...
"May you love all the days of your life!!"
Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past you and you have forgotten how to live it?
I am sure some of us can really understand this quote. I know I have laid in a hospital bed so many different times in my life and thought is this how its going to end for me and I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Or so I have thought. But you know for most of us, we have lived our lives. We have given birth to our children, we have gotten married, we have been loved, we have worked, we have the choice to drive, we have been given many opportunities in our own lives to live. Its just we have all not really sat back and realized these wonderful things we have been given. Oh and don't get me wrong there are so many other things in life that I would give anything more than to do or be part of.
I would love to sit on a Harley and ride across the states, or I would love to ride in a hot air balloon and soar through the air like a bird (free with no cares in this world) or I can't wait to be the mother or a bride (being my 2 daughters) or the mother of the groom (when my son gets married), I want to live to see the birth of my grandbabies, etc. But yet I sit here everyday and wonder "why me?" Why has God chosen me to be sick? Is it because he feels I have already lived my life to the fullest? No I don't think so. Its because God knows that I can learn to live all the days of my life as if tomorrow was my last.
Those of us who are chronically ill can either sick back and let life pass us by simply because we chose to let it do so. Or we can simply choose to life our lives in the best way that we can. Don't get me wrong I want to just crawl under the blankets many different times and say "I don't want to face today!!" but then I remember that life is worth living for because God has give us this life whether we like it or not.
I know I am always asking "Where is my maid?" I get so tired of being the maid, but then I realize I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I may be chronically ill, but I have so much. I have my home, I have food, I have a warm bed to sleep in and all of these things are more than what a lot of people have. So why do we forget to live the lives that we have? Because we get caught up in the "why me!!"....I know I have because I got caught up in the why me and so I overdosed on my pain meds back in June. I didn't stop to think all I wanted to do was stop the pain. I didn't realize the pain I was going to cause my husband, my kids, my family, my work etc. So I began to realize I could sit back and question "why me" and stop living the life I am meant to live or I could pull up my big girl panties and become a better person.
Thus I have started going to Planet Fitness and working out. Trust me it is hard, I have to talk myself into it. I do get sick and sometimes I have to stop and vomit but I get right back on that spin cycle and I go for a goal that I have set myself for that day. And you know what I am starting to feel better about myself. One of my bucket lists have been to run a marathon. Is this an attainable goal? Well maybe but I am not going to stop living my life, I am going to continue to work out to better myself for my husband, my family, my friends, my work and for myself and hey if I am lucky enough to run that marathon (may it be a small one) at least I have strived to live my life that has been placed in front of me. So yeah I am a strong willed woman and I want so much more in my life before I enter the pearly gates of heaven.
So my wish for each and everyone of you reading this, "May you learn to love the life you have been given"... because this is it. There is no other life (or at least we know of) and we all need to embrace who we are, whether we are chronically ill or not and get out there and do those small baby steps to make ourselves happier with who we are.
I know I am...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past you and you have forgotten how to live it?
I am sure some of us can really understand this quote. I know I have laid in a hospital bed so many different times in my life and thought is this how its going to end for me and I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Or so I have thought. But you know for most of us, we have lived our lives. We have given birth to our children, we have gotten married, we have been loved, we have worked, we have the choice to drive, we have been given many opportunities in our own lives to live. Its just we have all not really sat back and realized these wonderful things we have been given. Oh and don't get me wrong there are so many other things in life that I would give anything more than to do or be part of.
I would love to sit on a Harley and ride across the states, or I would love to ride in a hot air balloon and soar through the air like a bird (free with no cares in this world) or I can't wait to be the mother or a bride (being my 2 daughters) or the mother of the groom (when my son gets married), I want to live to see the birth of my grandbabies, etc. But yet I sit here everyday and wonder "why me?" Why has God chosen me to be sick? Is it because he feels I have already lived my life to the fullest? No I don't think so. Its because God knows that I can learn to live all the days of my life as if tomorrow was my last.
Those of us who are chronically ill can either sick back and let life pass us by simply because we chose to let it do so. Or we can simply choose to life our lives in the best way that we can. Don't get me wrong I want to just crawl under the blankets many different times and say "I don't want to face today!!" but then I remember that life is worth living for because God has give us this life whether we like it or not.
I know I am always asking "Where is my maid?" I get so tired of being the maid, but then I realize I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I may be chronically ill, but I have so much. I have my home, I have food, I have a warm bed to sleep in and all of these things are more than what a lot of people have. So why do we forget to live the lives that we have? Because we get caught up in the "why me!!"....I know I have because I got caught up in the why me and so I overdosed on my pain meds back in June. I didn't stop to think all I wanted to do was stop the pain. I didn't realize the pain I was going to cause my husband, my kids, my family, my work etc. So I began to realize I could sit back and question "why me" and stop living the life I am meant to live or I could pull up my big girl panties and become a better person.
Thus I have started going to Planet Fitness and working out. Trust me it is hard, I have to talk myself into it. I do get sick and sometimes I have to stop and vomit but I get right back on that spin cycle and I go for a goal that I have set myself for that day. And you know what I am starting to feel better about myself. One of my bucket lists have been to run a marathon. Is this an attainable goal? Well maybe but I am not going to stop living my life, I am going to continue to work out to better myself for my husband, my family, my friends, my work and for myself and hey if I am lucky enough to run that marathon (may it be a small one) at least I have strived to live my life that has been placed in front of me. So yeah I am a strong willed woman and I want so much more in my life before I enter the pearly gates of heaven.
So my wish for each and everyone of you reading this, "May you learn to love the life you have been given"... because this is it. There is no other life (or at least we know of) and we all need to embrace who we are, whether we are chronically ill or not and get out there and do those small baby steps to make ourselves happier with who we are.
I know I am...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Friday, July 17, 2015
Life: Die tomorrow, live forever...
Life: Die tomorrow, live forever...: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have......
Die tomorrow, live forever...
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have...
It is ever so humbling to know that I have defied the odds 3 times and God did not take me to heaven. I guess he has always felt that I am needed here on earth for a little longer. But why of why? He has plagued me with several chronic illnesses? So I guess this question will never be answered until I reach the gates of heaven; which will be long away instead of sooner.
As I sat on my spin cycle at Planet Fitness last night, I was becoming ever increasingly nauseous and had to go vomit and then I continued to work hard simply because I need to work harder to remain healthy as possible for myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my work, and etc etc. But I sat there wondering "Can I just run away?". I supposed I could but unfortunately it all would follow me, the sickness, the bills, etc and my husband and kids would most likely miss me. Although they know where they could find me.
I am striving to learn to live as if I could live forever, but boy if I could live forever I would most certainly want to be healthy. I don't know about any of you but living forever and being chronically ill would NOT be my idea of fun. But you know, I would still give my all to God, my family, my work etc. Because if we can not give our all to this cold cruel world then why should we live forever.
As I placed my Dad and Mom into their grave I grieved. But why do we grieve? They are the better, because they can sit at the right hand of God, as we are still here to carry on in the world. This world that God has given us. So why is it that some people go sooner than others? Simply because God must either be done with their journey on earth or he needs them as Angels. I like to think that God has saved me and left me on this earth simply because he needs Angels here on earth.
But why is it, that I can help others but I can not help myself? I think it is because I have learned so much in my short 48 years. My life has NOT been easy at all, and I have experienced way too many things (i.e. horrible pregnancies, beautiful preemie babies, cheating husband, divorce, being a mistress, living alone, having to leave my kids for work, moving across the state, becoming a mother to soo many unwanted unfortunate kids, being a Angel to those who have needed me, and just simply finding a new family)... and so much more. Nope I am not perfect by no means.
So I wish to live like I am going to die tomorrow (and I am well aware of the fact that my life has been shortened greatly due to my chronic illnesses - I guess we are all terminally ill, we just don't know when God will call us to heaven)... and yet I want to learn as if I could live forever.
Learning is a great gift. Our minds are a great computer that thrives for knowledge, so never ever shut it off. I have had to work hard to bring back my memories since I overdosed back on June 2nd. Trust me nothing is as scary as not being able to remember faces, remember where you live, remember how to drive to work, remember where you placed things, and simply looking in the mirror and wondering how can I continue on. But then I looked into my husbands eyes and my kids faces and then I remembered why I am here on earth. That is to live like I am going to die tomorrow, but learning to live forever.
Even if you don't believe in God, there is a higher power than what we are here on earth, and this higher power has entrusted each one of us with a great mind and if we chose not to use it that is our fault. We all need to realize that we have our own minds, hearts, & soul and so we must learn to achieve what we feel is happiness, love, friendship, companionship and unconditional love for others.
Then maybe the world would just simply be living like we would die tomorrow and yet learn to live forever.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever taken a look at death in the eyes? I have...
It is ever so humbling to know that I have defied the odds 3 times and God did not take me to heaven. I guess he has always felt that I am needed here on earth for a little longer. But why of why? He has plagued me with several chronic illnesses? So I guess this question will never be answered until I reach the gates of heaven; which will be long away instead of sooner.
As I sat on my spin cycle at Planet Fitness last night, I was becoming ever increasingly nauseous and had to go vomit and then I continued to work hard simply because I need to work harder to remain healthy as possible for myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my work, and etc etc. But I sat there wondering "Can I just run away?". I supposed I could but unfortunately it all would follow me, the sickness, the bills, etc and my husband and kids would most likely miss me. Although they know where they could find me.
I am striving to learn to live as if I could live forever, but boy if I could live forever I would most certainly want to be healthy. I don't know about any of you but living forever and being chronically ill would NOT be my idea of fun. But you know, I would still give my all to God, my family, my work etc. Because if we can not give our all to this cold cruel world then why should we live forever.
As I placed my Dad and Mom into their grave I grieved. But why do we grieve? They are the better, because they can sit at the right hand of God, as we are still here to carry on in the world. This world that God has given us. So why is it that some people go sooner than others? Simply because God must either be done with their journey on earth or he needs them as Angels. I like to think that God has saved me and left me on this earth simply because he needs Angels here on earth.
But why is it, that I can help others but I can not help myself? I think it is because I have learned so much in my short 48 years. My life has NOT been easy at all, and I have experienced way too many things (i.e. horrible pregnancies, beautiful preemie babies, cheating husband, divorce, being a mistress, living alone, having to leave my kids for work, moving across the state, becoming a mother to soo many unwanted unfortunate kids, being a Angel to those who have needed me, and just simply finding a new family)... and so much more. Nope I am not perfect by no means.
So I wish to live like I am going to die tomorrow (and I am well aware of the fact that my life has been shortened greatly due to my chronic illnesses - I guess we are all terminally ill, we just don't know when God will call us to heaven)... and yet I want to learn as if I could live forever.
Learning is a great gift. Our minds are a great computer that thrives for knowledge, so never ever shut it off. I have had to work hard to bring back my memories since I overdosed back on June 2nd. Trust me nothing is as scary as not being able to remember faces, remember where you live, remember how to drive to work, remember where you placed things, and simply looking in the mirror and wondering how can I continue on. But then I looked into my husbands eyes and my kids faces and then I remembered why I am here on earth. That is to live like I am going to die tomorrow, but learning to live forever.
Even if you don't believe in God, there is a higher power than what we are here on earth, and this higher power has entrusted each one of us with a great mind and if we chose not to use it that is our fault. We all need to realize that we have our own minds, hearts, & soul and so we must learn to achieve what we feel is happiness, love, friendship, companionship and unconditional love for others.
Then maybe the world would just simply be living like we would die tomorrow and yet learn to live forever.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Life: Underestimate me....
Life: Underestimate me....: "Don't underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realize." Have you ever...
Underestimate me....
"Don't underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realize."
Have you ever noticed that at times "silence is golden?"
I know most people can probably relate to this statement/quote. I know I certainly can. I always had to teach my kids that there are times and places to speak or to listen. But never ever let anyone underestimate you.
As I think about this quote is does come to mind that we all have our own thoughts, our own feelings, and some of us just never ever get noticed. We are people here on earth that help make the earth revolve, but do people really understand us? That is what makes life interesting. The cultural differences that we all are. If we were all alike the world would be a boring place.
I have always risen to a challenge (that is completely my character) when someone tells me "No" I can't do it. My ex-husband found out the hard way to never underestimate me. I knew more than I said, and I physically thought out the process and I was able rise to the challenge and thus forth our 3 kids and myself moved out of the house abruptly because he was having an affair, but he told me once "You will never leave me, you don't have the courage", boy did I ever prove him wrong.
Now my life has taken a much different direction and a direction I never ever thought would happen. Sometimes we all just let our gut instincts guide us or we are head strong and guide our own paths; however you do it is all your choice. Just don't let anyone underestimate the power that you have in being yourself and living your life as you choose.
When even being chronically ill, I am trying to set goals for myself and learning how to navigate this hell on earth (My body has been trapped into a personal hell with all of my health issues). But one thing is for sure I never let anyone underestimate me now. Not after all that I have been through.
We must keep our eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste and any and all senses up and going constantly. Because it is with our own free will that we can learn to take in all of our surroundings, choose to enjoy these moments or special gifts, and no always have to talk about them. We all don't have to be arrogant in the way we talk. It is a good thing at times to just let ourselves to sit back and listen, deep think, and notice more than others. I always like to take my dog, Maggie, outside and we experience our surroundings. It is interesting to look at life through a dog or pet's eyes. We, humans, are their people and we must take care of them to keep them healthy and happy. And I see Maggie's eyes light up when I come home. She truly knows what all of her senses tell her. So she may not be able to speak but trust me never underestimate this little girl because she is smart.
What part of your senses have you used lately? These senses can help you to evolve and become more aware of your surroundings and it helps you to establish who you are. And possibly just possibly people with stop underestimating you, and then you can speak, and show that you do know more than they realized.
Stop to smell the roses (so to speak) today. And look at your surroundings and never ever let anyone "underestimate" you!! No matter how sickly you are, or how depressed you are, and so on. Because you are a unique you and that is a good thing.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Have you ever noticed that at times "silence is golden?"
I know most people can probably relate to this statement/quote. I know I certainly can. I always had to teach my kids that there are times and places to speak or to listen. But never ever let anyone underestimate you.
As I think about this quote is does come to mind that we all have our own thoughts, our own feelings, and some of us just never ever get noticed. We are people here on earth that help make the earth revolve, but do people really understand us? That is what makes life interesting. The cultural differences that we all are. If we were all alike the world would be a boring place.
I have always risen to a challenge (that is completely my character) when someone tells me "No" I can't do it. My ex-husband found out the hard way to never underestimate me. I knew more than I said, and I physically thought out the process and I was able rise to the challenge and thus forth our 3 kids and myself moved out of the house abruptly because he was having an affair, but he told me once "You will never leave me, you don't have the courage", boy did I ever prove him wrong.
Now my life has taken a much different direction and a direction I never ever thought would happen. Sometimes we all just let our gut instincts guide us or we are head strong and guide our own paths; however you do it is all your choice. Just don't let anyone underestimate the power that you have in being yourself and living your life as you choose.
When even being chronically ill, I am trying to set goals for myself and learning how to navigate this hell on earth (My body has been trapped into a personal hell with all of my health issues). But one thing is for sure I never let anyone underestimate me now. Not after all that I have been through.
We must keep our eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste and any and all senses up and going constantly. Because it is with our own free will that we can learn to take in all of our surroundings, choose to enjoy these moments or special gifts, and no always have to talk about them. We all don't have to be arrogant in the way we talk. It is a good thing at times to just let ourselves to sit back and listen, deep think, and notice more than others. I always like to take my dog, Maggie, outside and we experience our surroundings. It is interesting to look at life through a dog or pet's eyes. We, humans, are their people and we must take care of them to keep them healthy and happy. And I see Maggie's eyes light up when I come home. She truly knows what all of her senses tell her. So she may not be able to speak but trust me never underestimate this little girl because she is smart.
What part of your senses have you used lately? These senses can help you to evolve and become more aware of your surroundings and it helps you to establish who you are. And possibly just possibly people with stop underestimating you, and then you can speak, and show that you do know more than they realized.
Stop to smell the roses (so to speak) today. And look at your surroundings and never ever let anyone "underestimate" you!! No matter how sickly you are, or how depressed you are, and so on. Because you are a unique you and that is a good thing.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Trust....
“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.”
This quote really resonates with me.
I am always saying "enough is enough God, I can't handle anything more"...
But it just seems that God assumes that I am a stronger person than I wish to accept. But as I look back on my life from birth until now, I am a very head strong, strong willed, stubborn person. Yet I love unconditionally and I give my all with nothing left for me to have. But that is who I am and how I am.
I feel that God has given me many gifts to share, so I work daily to offer my gifts. It's just so hard when God throws so many trials & tribulations towards me to handle. That is when my buckets I keep carrying on my shoulders seem to get heavier and heavier until I break down. But what we all must do daily is take on these tests from God and let him carry those buckets so we don't get so distraught or heavy burdened.
Have you ever experienced this quote? How have you managed in your life to handle all of which God expects you to do and to trust?
Trust is the hardest thing I have had to learn to deal with. Is it easy "NO" in fact it gets even harder especially when we all deal with some kind of health issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, and so on and so on.... But we must learn to follow our gut instincts and our hearts, because sometimes we tend to over analyze everything and then we push away what is truly the best thing for us because our heads are wicked and but our hearts are open (if we allow our heart to be open)...
So some self protection takes place among all of us in some sort of way. But are you too self protective? That when God does give us us a task to handle that we tend to shy away from these tasks or trials and tribulations. I decided a long time ago that if and when God does hand me these tasks that I should face them head on. It certainly isn't easy, but I do it. I have just had to learn to let God control it all.
I do realize that when you are Chronically ill, that life just seems to get sucked out of you. I completely understand this feeling. I face a struggle each and every day to stay awake, to not vomit, to exercise, and so on. But I have just been telling myself that God must have a plan for my wickedly bad health. I just wish I knew the full answer.
So how does one learn to trust? In my instances, I have just followed what my gut instincts say and I am usually 99% right.
So sit back take a moment and look at what God gives you to handle, and understand that he knows he can trust you. All you have to do is learn to trust yourself and then trust others. Because we were all made in God's eyes.
Keep Smiling
Carla
This quote really resonates with me.
I am always saying "enough is enough God, I can't handle anything more"...
But it just seems that God assumes that I am a stronger person than I wish to accept. But as I look back on my life from birth until now, I am a very head strong, strong willed, stubborn person. Yet I love unconditionally and I give my all with nothing left for me to have. But that is who I am and how I am.
I feel that God has given me many gifts to share, so I work daily to offer my gifts. It's just so hard when God throws so many trials & tribulations towards me to handle. That is when my buckets I keep carrying on my shoulders seem to get heavier and heavier until I break down. But what we all must do daily is take on these tests from God and let him carry those buckets so we don't get so distraught or heavy burdened.
Have you ever experienced this quote? How have you managed in your life to handle all of which God expects you to do and to trust?
Trust is the hardest thing I have had to learn to deal with. Is it easy "NO" in fact it gets even harder especially when we all deal with some kind of health issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, and so on and so on.... But we must learn to follow our gut instincts and our hearts, because sometimes we tend to over analyze everything and then we push away what is truly the best thing for us because our heads are wicked and but our hearts are open (if we allow our heart to be open)...
So some self protection takes place among all of us in some sort of way. But are you too self protective? That when God does give us us a task to handle that we tend to shy away from these tasks or trials and tribulations. I decided a long time ago that if and when God does hand me these tasks that I should face them head on. It certainly isn't easy, but I do it. I have just had to learn to let God control it all.
I do realize that when you are Chronically ill, that life just seems to get sucked out of you. I completely understand this feeling. I face a struggle each and every day to stay awake, to not vomit, to exercise, and so on. But I have just been telling myself that God must have a plan for my wickedly bad health. I just wish I knew the full answer.
So how does one learn to trust? In my instances, I have just followed what my gut instincts say and I am usually 99% right.
So sit back take a moment and look at what God gives you to handle, and understand that he knows he can trust you. All you have to do is learn to trust yourself and then trust others. Because we were all made in God's eyes.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Monday, July 13, 2015
Become Important...
“It doesn't become important until you don't have it anymore.”
So I ask you, "what is IT that is so important?"
I have sat back so many times and have asked myself this question.
For so many people the "it" in their lives are so many different things, such as money, job, love, health, kids, family, spouse, God, a higher power, and so on and so on...
So I guess one must sit back and prioritize that specific "it" in their own lives that they truly feel is the most important thing or set of things in their own lives. I know that since my health as deteroiated for the last several years that money is not on the top of my list as most important. Although as we all know; life revolves around money and it seems like that's what every body wants. The creditors, debtors, etc all desire to get our hard earned money before we even earn it. (That is if you can still work, and for some of us with a chronic illness that is hard to do)...
I have sat back and I have re-evaluated my life at different times and I have came to the realization that the most important "it"s in my life are my kids, my spouse, my God and it trickles on down from there.
As I sat around the dinning room table this past weekend with my 3 kids, my soon to be son-in-law, soon to be potential daughter-in-law and a good family friend (unfortuantely my husband could not be with us) and as I sat there and laughed (until we cried) and joked, and talked and played cards. It was one of my most memorable times with my kids.
I just simply feel so very sorry for parents who don't have their kids in their lives, or that kids have lost their parents or just anybody who has lost a very special someone.
Life is way too short to not enjoy our lives and compansionship with tour own families. It just makes me sad to know people are out there in this world alone. Sometimes it is their own decisions and that is their own free will, but I think if they could sit at the head of a dinning room table with their children and laugh, cry, etc these people would soon realize what they are missing.
So is "It" extremely important to wish for a million dollars, or a dollop of sour cream, or a better job, or whatever "it" is you desire? No. We all have free will to wish for, desire, want things in our lives. So we shouldn't beat ourselves up for these wants. (I dream all the time...I wish I could live on a remote warm, sunny island somewhere & of course with my kids, spouse and friends). I also wish I could have good health, some money to live on at least live comfortably, and a few other bucket list items. (that is human nature)
What do you truly desire that is your "it" important think in your life?
I like to think that I have many gifts that I can offer to people that hopefully can help enrich their lives and make it more full. I guess these are called gifts from God. So I like to think these gifts are my important "it's" in life.
Keep Smiling
Carla
So I ask you, "what is IT that is so important?"
I have sat back so many times and have asked myself this question.
For so many people the "it" in their lives are so many different things, such as money, job, love, health, kids, family, spouse, God, a higher power, and so on and so on...
So I guess one must sit back and prioritize that specific "it" in their own lives that they truly feel is the most important thing or set of things in their own lives. I know that since my health as deteroiated for the last several years that money is not on the top of my list as most important. Although as we all know; life revolves around money and it seems like that's what every body wants. The creditors, debtors, etc all desire to get our hard earned money before we even earn it. (That is if you can still work, and for some of us with a chronic illness that is hard to do)...
I have sat back and I have re-evaluated my life at different times and I have came to the realization that the most important "it"s in my life are my kids, my spouse, my God and it trickles on down from there.
As I sat around the dinning room table this past weekend with my 3 kids, my soon to be son-in-law, soon to be potential daughter-in-law and a good family friend (unfortuantely my husband could not be with us) and as I sat there and laughed (until we cried) and joked, and talked and played cards. It was one of my most memorable times with my kids.
I just simply feel so very sorry for parents who don't have their kids in their lives, or that kids have lost their parents or just anybody who has lost a very special someone.
Life is way too short to not enjoy our lives and compansionship with tour own families. It just makes me sad to know people are out there in this world alone. Sometimes it is their own decisions and that is their own free will, but I think if they could sit at the head of a dinning room table with their children and laugh, cry, etc these people would soon realize what they are missing.
So is "It" extremely important to wish for a million dollars, or a dollop of sour cream, or a better job, or whatever "it" is you desire? No. We all have free will to wish for, desire, want things in our lives. So we shouldn't beat ourselves up for these wants. (I dream all the time...I wish I could live on a remote warm, sunny island somewhere & of course with my kids, spouse and friends). I also wish I could have good health, some money to live on at least live comfortably, and a few other bucket list items. (that is human nature)
What do you truly desire that is your "it" important think in your life?
I like to think that I have many gifts that I can offer to people that hopefully can help enrich their lives and make it more full. I guess these are called gifts from God. So I like to think these gifts are my important "it's" in life.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Friday, July 10, 2015
Imperfections....
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
I guess I will start out with I must be a mad genious because I am certainly NOT perfect. I have many imperfections and I am sure all of us do.
But what are your "imperfections"? Have you really ever sat down and thought about it, or do you just look at yourself daily in the mirror and decide that your imperfections are always what makes you whom you are today?
I know I have let all of my imperfections rule my life and rule how I look at life. But this quote does kindo of make me sit back and wonder. If "imperfection is beauty, madness is genious then I guess it is better to be riduculous that boring". Trust me I am most certainly NOT boring. My kids, husband, friends, family etc have all told me many many times that I am a "one of a kind" person, exciting, entertaining and a storm in the making. I kind of like that fact. I am not 'tooting' my own horn, but I do have to agree I am "Not right"... I may be a religious fanatic (I just strive hard to rely on my faith), I am wild, I am dependable, I am mysterious, I am hilarious, I can do so many things that people can't do. My husband told me the other night that I am "sweet and kind"... I told him that is what a good wife is supposed to be.
But that is what makes us all unique and perfectly "imperfect".
I was walking in a haze yesterday. I had read on my facebook page that a sister of our Gastroparesis family had passed away from complications of this horrible disease. That really hit me hard. We all have been dealing with horrible life altering chronic illnesses some how. And I have stood and looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and I noticed several "imperfections"...and I was truly saddened by hearing of this loss. As we all struggle daily and I myself have been really struggling very hard and as you all know I have attempted to end all of the pain and misery back on June 2nd.
So I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I decided that even tho we all have multiple "imperfections" it's ok. We are human and not God. We are meant to all be different because that is what makes this world go around. I am "not"going to let my imperfections define who I am. I plan on defining who I am by the person I am and not the illnesses I have.
So how about you? What are you going to do? How are you going to face your "imperfections"?
I kind of like the idea of being ridiculous instead of boring. So I may work towards being this kind of person. Because boring is just that boring. (disclosure = boring is ok for awhile but life happens and being boring can be just that boring)...
So take a look at yourself in the mirror and really look at that person staring back at you. Decide that it's ok to be imperfect and that it's ok that we all have some kind of chronic illness and it's ok to be weak, or numb, or in a dark place, or sick or what ever demons have gripped you, because we can't choose to be happy if we all have never ever experienced heart ache.
Keep Smiling
Carla
I guess I will start out with I must be a mad genious because I am certainly NOT perfect. I have many imperfections and I am sure all of us do.
But what are your "imperfections"? Have you really ever sat down and thought about it, or do you just look at yourself daily in the mirror and decide that your imperfections are always what makes you whom you are today?
I know I have let all of my imperfections rule my life and rule how I look at life. But this quote does kindo of make me sit back and wonder. If "imperfection is beauty, madness is genious then I guess it is better to be riduculous that boring". Trust me I am most certainly NOT boring. My kids, husband, friends, family etc have all told me many many times that I am a "one of a kind" person, exciting, entertaining and a storm in the making. I kind of like that fact. I am not 'tooting' my own horn, but I do have to agree I am "Not right"... I may be a religious fanatic (I just strive hard to rely on my faith), I am wild, I am dependable, I am mysterious, I am hilarious, I can do so many things that people can't do. My husband told me the other night that I am "sweet and kind"... I told him that is what a good wife is supposed to be.
But that is what makes us all unique and perfectly "imperfect".
I was walking in a haze yesterday. I had read on my facebook page that a sister of our Gastroparesis family had passed away from complications of this horrible disease. That really hit me hard. We all have been dealing with horrible life altering chronic illnesses some how. And I have stood and looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and I noticed several "imperfections"...and I was truly saddened by hearing of this loss. As we all struggle daily and I myself have been really struggling very hard and as you all know I have attempted to end all of the pain and misery back on June 2nd.
So I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I decided that even tho we all have multiple "imperfections" it's ok. We are human and not God. We are meant to all be different because that is what makes this world go around. I am "not"going to let my imperfections define who I am. I plan on defining who I am by the person I am and not the illnesses I have.
So how about you? What are you going to do? How are you going to face your "imperfections"?
I kind of like the idea of being ridiculous instead of boring. So I may work towards being this kind of person. Because boring is just that boring. (disclosure = boring is ok for awhile but life happens and being boring can be just that boring)...
So take a look at yourself in the mirror and really look at that person staring back at you. Decide that it's ok to be imperfect and that it's ok that we all have some kind of chronic illness and it's ok to be weak, or numb, or in a dark place, or sick or what ever demons have gripped you, because we can't choose to be happy if we all have never ever experienced heart ache.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Shadow...
"What do you see when you look at your own shadow?"
I don't know about you but I used to look at my shadow and was pleased with what I saw. Now I am not so sure...
So why do we all torture ourselves over how we look, how we feel, what we think, who we are, our social status and so on and so on and so on?
I had decided a long time ago that I was NOT going to live my life to please everyone else. I have always worked hard at being a good person, a good mother, a good wife, and good sister, a good aunt, and so forth. But you know what happens, you start to loose yourself when you work so hard to please everyone else. So what about pleasing yourself?
Alot of people state that if we go about life pleasing our owns wants, desires, etc that it makes one a selfish person? But is it really selfish to want to be happy? or to be content? or to love? or to what ever your heart desires?
I don't think so, because if we can't love ourselves, be happy with ourselves and so on, then we can't be a good person, good mother, good wife etc.
I do truly believe that your inner soul thrives to be who you want yourself to be and if you are truly who you want to be then it will show on your outside and your shadow will do a happy dance every time you stop to look at it.
So I do realize that life has a way of beating us all down. Beating us down to the point that when we look at our shadow we don't like what we see. So take some time for yourself every now and then so you can become content with your inner self and so your shadow will shine brightly even when we face a chronic illness, or loss, or hurt, pain, suffering, etc... Because we all must go through the trials and tribulations that are thrown at us when we walk on this earth and yet God asks us to be a good and happy person. So it's not really selfish to choose to be happy.
I have lost my zest for life about a month or so ago. And so when I have been looking at my shadow I haven't really liked what I see. My shadow seems to frown when I am down. So to make my shadow happy and dancing I need to choose to wake up happy every day and be thankful for what God (or a higher power) has given me. And so I look at my husband, my kids, my family, my work and so forth and I do truly believe I am a better person for having all of these things in my life and therefore I need to choose to wake up everyday and appreciate all that I have and not feel selfish for taking care of my inner happiness so I can continue to be a good person and then maybe just then I will take a look at my shadow and I will see it "Smiling back at me"...
Keep Smiling
Carla
I don't know about you but I used to look at my shadow and was pleased with what I saw. Now I am not so sure...
So why do we all torture ourselves over how we look, how we feel, what we think, who we are, our social status and so on and so on and so on?
I had decided a long time ago that I was NOT going to live my life to please everyone else. I have always worked hard at being a good person, a good mother, a good wife, and good sister, a good aunt, and so forth. But you know what happens, you start to loose yourself when you work so hard to please everyone else. So what about pleasing yourself?
Alot of people state that if we go about life pleasing our owns wants, desires, etc that it makes one a selfish person? But is it really selfish to want to be happy? or to be content? or to love? or to what ever your heart desires?
I don't think so, because if we can't love ourselves, be happy with ourselves and so on, then we can't be a good person, good mother, good wife etc.
I do truly believe that your inner soul thrives to be who you want yourself to be and if you are truly who you want to be then it will show on your outside and your shadow will do a happy dance every time you stop to look at it.
So I do realize that life has a way of beating us all down. Beating us down to the point that when we look at our shadow we don't like what we see. So take some time for yourself every now and then so you can become content with your inner self and so your shadow will shine brightly even when we face a chronic illness, or loss, or hurt, pain, suffering, etc... Because we all must go through the trials and tribulations that are thrown at us when we walk on this earth and yet God asks us to be a good and happy person. So it's not really selfish to choose to be happy.
I have lost my zest for life about a month or so ago. And so when I have been looking at my shadow I haven't really liked what I see. My shadow seems to frown when I am down. So to make my shadow happy and dancing I need to choose to wake up happy every day and be thankful for what God (or a higher power) has given me. And so I look at my husband, my kids, my family, my work and so forth and I do truly believe I am a better person for having all of these things in my life and therefore I need to choose to wake up everyday and appreciate all that I have and not feel selfish for taking care of my inner happiness so I can continue to be a good person and then maybe just then I will take a look at my shadow and I will see it "Smiling back at me"...
Keep Smiling
Carla
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Bucket List of "NO's"....
"When someone tells me NO , it doesn't mean I can't do it, it simply means I can't do it with them..."
Do you remember when you were little and most of your memories consist of the work "NO"? Or can you remember back to when you were the parent and you have so many memories of telling your kids "NO", but a lot of times they defied you and did whatever "IT" was that they wanted to do? I have a lot of these memories from my childhood and also from the times I raised my kids.
I don't know what your individual life was like in any of your era's, but I know that we have all experienced so many of these "No's" in our lives and most likely receive a lot of "No's" in our futures. But does that really mean we can't do what ever it is that we so yearn to do?
I like to think we are not all confined to what ever it is that handicap us. I have many different chronic illnesses and unfortunately these illnesses can place a sharp curve on my daily life. Why must we each go through these rough illnesses in our lives? You guess is as good as mine? I like to think that we all have a happy ending in our future, but for some of us our future is going to be slightly different than others. Of course our futures are going to be different for all of us no matter what our bodily functions will be. I like to hope that my bodily functions won't be completely gone so I can at least enjoy what remains of my life.
With all of the multiple issues I am dealing with I am very aware of the fact that my life has been greatly shortened. Of course only God knows when my number will be called and either the great Angels will come down to get me and take me to heaven or the Grim Reaper will come up and take me to Hell. Either way I have a laundry list of questions for God or whom ever that I want answers to. What's so sad is that I had Gastric Bypass back in 2011 to be a healthier me and be around for many years to torture my kids until I would be at least the ripe old age of at least 100. So sadly I won't live to be 100 so I plan on starting today or tomorrow at torturing my kids, my family, my friends and so on with the greatest torture I can give and that will be with "LOVE"...
I don't know about you but I have a "bucket list" and I really don't want anyone to tell me "NO" to any of the items on my list. I do really think that each of us looks towards some kind of future that will include so many different things to experience. And I pray that my husband, my kids, family, friends etc will be by my side to encourage me, push me, pray with me, and enjoy with me everything that I want to do. And trust me my "bucket list" of things I wish to do, have changed a lot due to my unfortunate chronic illnesses I deal with daily.
So I don't care how old your are, how sick you are, how poor you are. Make a "Bucket List" and strive for even the simplest things such as (reuniting with family, drinking that root beer float, ride a Harley, fly in a hot air balloon, or be on America's Ninja Warrior, what ever your heart desires. Just simply start out small and work towards the big things but never ever let anyone tell you "NO", because you can do it. I have accomplished many things and I am working on accomplishing a lot more in my so called short future.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Do you remember when you were little and most of your memories consist of the work "NO"? Or can you remember back to when you were the parent and you have so many memories of telling your kids "NO", but a lot of times they defied you and did whatever "IT" was that they wanted to do? I have a lot of these memories from my childhood and also from the times I raised my kids.
I don't know what your individual life was like in any of your era's, but I know that we have all experienced so many of these "No's" in our lives and most likely receive a lot of "No's" in our futures. But does that really mean we can't do what ever it is that we so yearn to do?
I like to think we are not all confined to what ever it is that handicap us. I have many different chronic illnesses and unfortunately these illnesses can place a sharp curve on my daily life. Why must we each go through these rough illnesses in our lives? You guess is as good as mine? I like to think that we all have a happy ending in our future, but for some of us our future is going to be slightly different than others. Of course our futures are going to be different for all of us no matter what our bodily functions will be. I like to hope that my bodily functions won't be completely gone so I can at least enjoy what remains of my life.
With all of the multiple issues I am dealing with I am very aware of the fact that my life has been greatly shortened. Of course only God knows when my number will be called and either the great Angels will come down to get me and take me to heaven or the Grim Reaper will come up and take me to Hell. Either way I have a laundry list of questions for God or whom ever that I want answers to. What's so sad is that I had Gastric Bypass back in 2011 to be a healthier me and be around for many years to torture my kids until I would be at least the ripe old age of at least 100. So sadly I won't live to be 100 so I plan on starting today or tomorrow at torturing my kids, my family, my friends and so on with the greatest torture I can give and that will be with "LOVE"...
I don't know about you but I have a "bucket list" and I really don't want anyone to tell me "NO" to any of the items on my list. I do really think that each of us looks towards some kind of future that will include so many different things to experience. And I pray that my husband, my kids, family, friends etc will be by my side to encourage me, push me, pray with me, and enjoy with me everything that I want to do. And trust me my "bucket list" of things I wish to do, have changed a lot due to my unfortunate chronic illnesses I deal with daily.
So I don't care how old your are, how sick you are, how poor you are. Make a "Bucket List" and strive for even the simplest things such as (reuniting with family, drinking that root beer float, ride a Harley, fly in a hot air balloon, or be on America's Ninja Warrior, what ever your heart desires. Just simply start out small and work towards the big things but never ever let anyone tell you "NO", because you can do it. I have accomplished many things and I am working on accomplishing a lot more in my so called short future.
Keep Smiling
Carla
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Be yourself...
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken!"
"Be yourself"...hmmm...I am sure nobody else would want to be me?
My life has never ever been easy, especially when I sit back and relive my past. The best part about my past is my 3 children. I would not be fulfilled today if it had not been for my 3 kids. They are the best part of me and I strive to give them the best of me. Or at least what I hope to be the best of me.
My kids learned once they were grown that Mom really isn't as perfect as they always thought I was, but you know they still "love" me anyway. That is the most wonderful feeling ever; "Is to be loved".
But how many of us can actually say we "love" ourselves? We should be ourselves; because everyone else is taken. I am sure. As I stare at myself in the mirror these days what I see scares me. I look so worn, tired, uneasy, scared, fat, wrinkled, and so forth. I just simply don't like what I see staring back at me. Why is that? I do believe it is when I am not feeling well that I give myself an even harder time. Dealing daily with a chronic illness really puts the hurt on us. We hurt physically so then we hurt emotionally.
It occurred to me last night, during one of my husband's favorite TV shows when they were discussing never having a real birthday party is that I never ever really had a real birthday party. I mean my Mom did the best she could (even tho we were extremely poor) she always made us our favorite cake and our favorite supper and sometimes my Grandma and Grandpa would come over, but I never can ever remember having friends over and having a kids birthday party. Kind of sad at times. So then I worked very hard to give my kids a real actual birthday party almost every year as they were growing up. I made their favorite cake, their favorite meal and of course friends, sleep overs, movies, music, bike rides, dancing goofy, petting kitties & dogs, going camping, catching fireflies putting them in jars, catching caterpillars, running through the rain and diving for frogs, tad poles, gardening and eating the peas and tomatoes right out of the garden, climbing trees, playing in the leaves, barbeque our favorite meals, and simply watching them swing on their swing set from the window. But my favorite of all time was watching them run down the alley way getting off the bus and seeing their eyes light up when our cat and I would greet them and hand them homemade brownies and we would all sit on the front porch and eat them and giggle and enjoy our times together. (sniff sniff)... and unfortuantely when my kids were 15, 15 and 13 we were uprooted from our happy home life and I was forced to leave their father, and we were forced to leave our happy home and start over new.
So then I think "be yourself; everyone else is taken!!" I would do not want to be anyone else, because my memories with my kids are priceless. And I still see the spark in their eyes when we talk about our past fun times, and I also see the pain in their eyes when the conversation comes up about our abrupt move. And so I have always worked hard to keep life as normal as possible when you are a single parent, head of household, mother & father of kids, etc. So I was not perfect and it took my kids growing up way to fast to see that.
So I know "being yourself; because everyone else is taken" is something I have learned lately; and I would not want someone else to be me!!!! My life as I stated has been hard from the day I entered this earth. I do know God must have a big plan for me because he keeps insisting that I stay here on this earth. And all I know is that it must be so I can remain my kids Momma, my kids friends Momma, a wife to my wonderful new husband, a friend, a co-worker, and so much more.
So I plan on "being myself; and no one else"
How about you?
Keep Smiling
Carla
"Be yourself"...hmmm...I am sure nobody else would want to be me?
My life has never ever been easy, especially when I sit back and relive my past. The best part about my past is my 3 children. I would not be fulfilled today if it had not been for my 3 kids. They are the best part of me and I strive to give them the best of me. Or at least what I hope to be the best of me.
My kids learned once they were grown that Mom really isn't as perfect as they always thought I was, but you know they still "love" me anyway. That is the most wonderful feeling ever; "Is to be loved".
But how many of us can actually say we "love" ourselves? We should be ourselves; because everyone else is taken. I am sure. As I stare at myself in the mirror these days what I see scares me. I look so worn, tired, uneasy, scared, fat, wrinkled, and so forth. I just simply don't like what I see staring back at me. Why is that? I do believe it is when I am not feeling well that I give myself an even harder time. Dealing daily with a chronic illness really puts the hurt on us. We hurt physically so then we hurt emotionally.
It occurred to me last night, during one of my husband's favorite TV shows when they were discussing never having a real birthday party is that I never ever really had a real birthday party. I mean my Mom did the best she could (even tho we were extremely poor) she always made us our favorite cake and our favorite supper and sometimes my Grandma and Grandpa would come over, but I never can ever remember having friends over and having a kids birthday party. Kind of sad at times. So then I worked very hard to give my kids a real actual birthday party almost every year as they were growing up. I made their favorite cake, their favorite meal and of course friends, sleep overs, movies, music, bike rides, dancing goofy, petting kitties & dogs, going camping, catching fireflies putting them in jars, catching caterpillars, running through the rain and diving for frogs, tad poles, gardening and eating the peas and tomatoes right out of the garden, climbing trees, playing in the leaves, barbeque our favorite meals, and simply watching them swing on their swing set from the window. But my favorite of all time was watching them run down the alley way getting off the bus and seeing their eyes light up when our cat and I would greet them and hand them homemade brownies and we would all sit on the front porch and eat them and giggle and enjoy our times together. (sniff sniff)... and unfortuantely when my kids were 15, 15 and 13 we were uprooted from our happy home life and I was forced to leave their father, and we were forced to leave our happy home and start over new.
So then I think "be yourself; everyone else is taken!!" I would do not want to be anyone else, because my memories with my kids are priceless. And I still see the spark in their eyes when we talk about our past fun times, and I also see the pain in their eyes when the conversation comes up about our abrupt move. And so I have always worked hard to keep life as normal as possible when you are a single parent, head of household, mother & father of kids, etc. So I was not perfect and it took my kids growing up way to fast to see that.
So I know "being yourself; because everyone else is taken" is something I have learned lately; and I would not want someone else to be me!!!! My life as I stated has been hard from the day I entered this earth. I do know God must have a big plan for me because he keeps insisting that I stay here on this earth. And all I know is that it must be so I can remain my kids Momma, my kids friends Momma, a wife to my wonderful new husband, a friend, a co-worker, and so much more.
So I plan on "being myself; and no one else"
How about you?
Keep Smiling
Carla
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Life: Change...
Life: Change...: "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!" This quote really resonates with me. I have been th...
Change...
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it!"
This quote really resonates with me. I have been through so much physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and so forth that I have changed so very much. But I have chosen to never be reduced by it.
I truly think that most people in some sort of way have had so many things happen to them and they have let it reduce their lives by it. So why?
The church that I used to attend has a youth group service once a year, although I can no longer be a part of it due to distance, I still love them and long for them so very much. They were there for me when I needed them all the most during a most difficult change in my life and they taught me to never let it all reduce me. The people (whom I call my church family) taught me to "Be the Change" upon which they just had a recent youth group service and their message was about "Being the Change"...
So how can any of us "Be the Change" and yet let change happen to us but not let it reduce us?
A question I think we all face day in and day out. So we; as individuals; must look deep within and let ourselves decide do we let everything that has happened to us reduce us to a pile of ruble or do we stand back up with our heads up high and our backs up straight and face all of these new changes in a way that makes each of us stronger on the other side?
I know after the loss of my memory and falling into a pile on the front room floor about 3 weeks ago because I could not remember anything and I had lost my husbands anniversary present. And all I could think about was how, why and when will this misery stop? Then I realized the only way the misery was going to stop is in how I viewed it all. Do we let these horrible things take us down or do we look it all back in the face and move on? I have chosen to just take it all in stride and move on forward to my future (what ever it holds). And eventually I found my husbands anniversary gift. (In my purse of course).
So facing adversity, change or whatever, we can not let ourselves succumb to it all. Even when we are chronically ill and in a hospital bed with tubes and needles in us. Do we just hang it all up? I have went through so many surgeries, hospital stays, pain, suffering etc and yet I am still here. Why? I have asked this question to God so many times. Why am I still here? And all I can here is a voice deep in my head saying "I know the plans I have for you". Let me tell you I sure wish God would show me his plans he has for me. Because so far I haven't really enjoyed these plans much. But my wonderful husband has shown me that the plans God has for me they are not always the plans we have chosen for ourselves.
So we all must strive to "Be the Change"... Be the change that God wants us to be and strive to make this a better place here on earth for those we care for, like, love, etc. Even with all of the adversity going on in the news, even tho my son is always facing stoopid people and he wishes he could slap the stoopid off their faces and out of their mouths, I have taught him to just look at these people and smile and kill them with kindness for they do not know what God has planned for any of us. And maybe just maybe God has planned for each of us to "Be the Change"...
I have chosen to let what has happened to me change me but I have chosen to not let it reduce me. Yes this is hard some days and yet easy on other days. But I will not let it reduce me to tears.
Keep Smiling
Carla
This quote really resonates with me. I have been through so much physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and so forth that I have changed so very much. But I have chosen to never be reduced by it.
I truly think that most people in some sort of way have had so many things happen to them and they have let it reduce their lives by it. So why?
The church that I used to attend has a youth group service once a year, although I can no longer be a part of it due to distance, I still love them and long for them so very much. They were there for me when I needed them all the most during a most difficult change in my life and they taught me to never let it all reduce me. The people (whom I call my church family) taught me to "Be the Change" upon which they just had a recent youth group service and their message was about "Being the Change"...
So how can any of us "Be the Change" and yet let change happen to us but not let it reduce us?
A question I think we all face day in and day out. So we; as individuals; must look deep within and let ourselves decide do we let everything that has happened to us reduce us to a pile of ruble or do we stand back up with our heads up high and our backs up straight and face all of these new changes in a way that makes each of us stronger on the other side?
I know after the loss of my memory and falling into a pile on the front room floor about 3 weeks ago because I could not remember anything and I had lost my husbands anniversary present. And all I could think about was how, why and when will this misery stop? Then I realized the only way the misery was going to stop is in how I viewed it all. Do we let these horrible things take us down or do we look it all back in the face and move on? I have chosen to just take it all in stride and move on forward to my future (what ever it holds). And eventually I found my husbands anniversary gift. (In my purse of course).
So facing adversity, change or whatever, we can not let ourselves succumb to it all. Even when we are chronically ill and in a hospital bed with tubes and needles in us. Do we just hang it all up? I have went through so many surgeries, hospital stays, pain, suffering etc and yet I am still here. Why? I have asked this question to God so many times. Why am I still here? And all I can here is a voice deep in my head saying "I know the plans I have for you". Let me tell you I sure wish God would show me his plans he has for me. Because so far I haven't really enjoyed these plans much. But my wonderful husband has shown me that the plans God has for me they are not always the plans we have chosen for ourselves.
So we all must strive to "Be the Change"... Be the change that God wants us to be and strive to make this a better place here on earth for those we care for, like, love, etc. Even with all of the adversity going on in the news, even tho my son is always facing stoopid people and he wishes he could slap the stoopid off their faces and out of their mouths, I have taught him to just look at these people and smile and kill them with kindness for they do not know what God has planned for any of us. And maybe just maybe God has planned for each of us to "Be the Change"...
I have chosen to let what has happened to me change me but I have chosen to not let it reduce me. Yes this is hard some days and yet easy on other days. But I will not let it reduce me to tears.
Keep Smiling
Carla
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