Fine...

Something I learned awhile back:


"Fine" stands for:
"F" is for frustrated
"I" is for insecure
"N" is for neurotic
"E" is for exhausted


So I have learned that I don't answer people with the word "Fine" anymore when they ask me how I am. For the most part people don't really care how you feel so the polite customary way is to tell people you are fine.


After much thought I had heard someone say that when you are a person who lives with multiple health issues and if your feet hit the floor each morning and you thanked God for another day, is to say to people when they great you, that my response now is "I'm giving it a good ole try" and that is exactly what I am doing. Giving each day a good ole try.


Now for me to stay strong and positive is another question. I am just like any other people on this earth, that we all let stress take over our lives. But stress is not healthy for anyone. So what are we supposed to do? We can't always eliminate stress, but we can choose how to handle it. (Okay, I know I am being positive or optimistic) It truly is our choice as to how we handle stress and even our own lives.


I have a strong faith in God, and he gives me direction and hope. So what is the higher power that you truly believe in? Does it give you hope? So being a true Christian it's not always about attending church on Sunday's, it's about being a committed person of faith. I am not saying that I am always committed to my faith and yep, I am human so I do sin (probably most of the time), but I do repent and ask for forgiveness. But I am certainly not "Fine"... I am broken in so many ways.


I always question "why" do I have Gastroparesis, and Bipolar, and a severe digestive system disorder, an autoimmune disease, COPD, Fibromyalgia and so one? I guess because God thinks I am a bad ass and that I can handle it all. And for the most part I do, and yes there are days I don't. So does that make me just "fine"?


Nope, I am not just fine, but I do feel that my purpose since I have been diagnosed with a chronic debilitation terminal illness, is to be a good person, a good friend, a good neighbor, a good listener, a good motivator, and just simply be what I should be and that is giving each day a "good ole try".


So I have learned to smell the flowers, fresh cut grass, look at the sunrises, look at the sunsets, appreciate all that I have and just ride that roller coaster with my health and bipolar. Trust me that roller coaster has been busy here lately. As I am sure many people are the same way. So sit down, buckle up, and just give it a try.


Now I wish I could conjure up a cure for Gastroparesis, Bipolar or any other disorder/disease people have so that we could all live a harmonious life. But I am not God. So why does he allow people (like me and you) suffer physical, mental and emotional pain? I sure wish I knew why. So I have been taking a different look at it. God wants us to be compelled to understand that our physical being is fragile and yep, we do come to an expiration date. It's how we handle our lives as to when that expiration date comes. (mine will be sooner than later - and so many good people have expired sooner than what I have wanted them to)...So I do understand how we all can be numb, upset, angry and eventually accept what we are dealt. I think the cards for me are all stacked the wrong way.


I guess I am scared as to what will happen to me. I have worked all my life from the age of 14 on. I have been a dedicated, reliable employee. Now with my disabilities I am facing a early medical retirement. I think I will still develop a sense of purpose. I will need that purpose to continue to want to live on and fight. And so I have 3 purposes (my kids) and my husband, my step kids, my step grandson, and all of my many friends.


So I kind of thought, I give 2 ladies a ride to work almost every day, (it's on my way and they walk all the time)... I have made 2 new friends and I find that exciting. So what if after my retirement I start up a Uber service. That could give me a purpose still, make a little bit of cash and meet new people.


Are you really just "Fine"...? I know I am not. I am just giving each day a good ole try. Because my feet seem to keep hitting the floor every day after I wake up and so I guess even thru my pain I have to keep going because people rely on me in so many different ways.


So please keep giving your life a "good ole try" and just remember "Fine" is kind of a mind numbing answer to all of the passing question. So mix things up and startle a stranger, worker, friend or whomever with the words, giving it a good ole try.


Keep Smiling
Carla