"Be yourself"...hmmm...I am sure nobody else would want to be me?
My life has never ever been easy, especially when I sit back and relive my past. The best part about my past is my 3 children. I would not be fulfilled today if it had not been for my 3 kids. They are the best part of me and I strive to give them the best of me. Or at least what I hope to be the best of me.
My kids learned once they were grown that Mom really isn't as perfect as they always thought I was, but you know they still "love" me anyway. That is the most wonderful feeling ever; "Is to be loved".
But how many of us can actually say we "love" ourselves? We should be ourselves; because everyone else is taken. I am sure. As I stare at myself in the mirror these days what I see scares me. I look so worn, tired, uneasy, scared, fat, wrinkled, and so forth. I just simply don't like what I see staring back at me. Why is that? I do believe it is when I am not feeling well that I give myself an even harder time. Dealing daily with a chronic illness really puts the hurt on us. We hurt physically so then we hurt emotionally.
It occurred to me last night, during one of my husband's favorite TV shows when they were discussing never having a real birthday party is that I never ever really had a real birthday party. I mean my Mom did the best she could (even tho we were extremely poor) she always made us our favorite cake and our favorite supper and sometimes my Grandma and Grandpa would come over, but I never can ever remember having friends over and having a kids birthday party. Kind of sad at times. So then I worked very hard to give my kids a real actual birthday party almost every year as they were growing up. I made their favorite cake, their favorite meal and of course friends, sleep overs, movies, music, bike rides, dancing goofy, petting kitties & dogs, going camping, catching fireflies putting them in jars, catching caterpillars, running through the rain and diving for frogs, tad poles, gardening and eating the peas and tomatoes right out of the garden, climbing trees, playing in the leaves, barbeque our favorite meals, and simply watching them swing on their swing set from the window. But my favorite of all time was watching them run down the alley way getting off the bus and seeing their eyes light up when our cat and I would greet them and hand them homemade brownies and we would all sit on the front porch and eat them and giggle and enjoy our times together. (sniff sniff)... and unfortuantely when my kids were 15, 15 and 13 we were uprooted from our happy home life and I was forced to leave their father, and we were forced to leave our happy home and start over new.
So then I think "be yourself; everyone else is taken!!" I would do not want to be anyone else, because my memories with my kids are priceless. And I still see the spark in their eyes when we talk about our past fun times, and I also see the pain in their eyes when the conversation comes up about our abrupt move. And so I have always worked hard to keep life as normal as possible when you are a single parent, head of household, mother & father of kids, etc. So I was not perfect and it took my kids growing up way to fast to see that.
So I know "being yourself; because everyone else is taken" is something I have learned lately; and I would not want someone else to be me!!!! My life as I stated has been hard from the day I entered this earth. I do know God must have a big plan for me because he keeps insisting that I stay here on this earth. And all I know is that it must be so I can remain my kids Momma, my kids friends Momma, a wife to my wonderful new husband, a friend, a co-worker, and so much more.
So I plan on "being myself; and no one else"
How about you?
Keep Smiling
Carla
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