Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and realized it just flies past you and you have forgotten how to live it?
I am sure some of us can really understand this quote. I know I have laid in a hospital bed so many different times in my life and thought is this how its going to end for me and I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Or so I have thought. But you know for most of us, we have lived our lives. We have given birth to our children, we have gotten married, we have been loved, we have worked, we have the choice to drive, we have been given many opportunities in our own lives to live. Its just we have all not really sat back and realized these wonderful things we have been given. Oh and don't get me wrong there are so many other things in life that I would give anything more than to do or be part of.
I would love to sit on a Harley and ride across the states, or I would love to ride in a hot air balloon and soar through the air like a bird (free with no cares in this world) or I can't wait to be the mother or a bride (being my 2 daughters) or the mother of the groom (when my son gets married), I want to live to see the birth of my grandbabies, etc. But yet I sit here everyday and wonder "why me?" Why has God chosen me to be sick? Is it because he feels I have already lived my life to the fullest? No I don't think so. Its because God knows that I can learn to live all the days of my life as if tomorrow was my last.
Those of us who are chronically ill can either sick back and let life pass us by simply because we chose to let it do so. Or we can simply choose to life our lives in the best way that we can. Don't get me wrong I want to just crawl under the blankets many different times and say "I don't want to face today!!" but then I remember that life is worth living for because God has give us this life whether we like it or not.
I know I am always asking "Where is my maid?" I get so tired of being the maid, but then I realize I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I may be chronically ill, but I have so much. I have my home, I have food, I have a warm bed to sleep in and all of these things are more than what a lot of people have. So why do we forget to live the lives that we have? Because we get caught up in the "why me!!"....I know I have because I got caught up in the why me and so I overdosed on my pain meds back in June. I didn't stop to think all I wanted to do was stop the pain. I didn't realize the pain I was going to cause my husband, my kids, my family, my work etc. So I began to realize I could sit back and question "why me" and stop living the life I am meant to live or I could pull up my big girl panties and become a better person.
Thus I have started going to Planet Fitness and working out. Trust me it is hard, I have to talk myself into it. I do get sick and sometimes I have to stop and vomit but I get right back on that spin cycle and I go for a goal that I have set myself for that day. And you know what I am starting to feel better about myself. One of my bucket lists have been to run a marathon. Is this an attainable goal? Well maybe but I am not going to stop living my life, I am going to continue to work out to better myself for my husband, my family, my friends, my work and for myself and hey if I am lucky enough to run that marathon (may it be a small one) at least I have strived to live my life that has been placed in front of me. So yeah I am a strong willed woman and I want so much more in my life before I enter the pearly gates of heaven.
So my wish for each and everyone of you reading this, "May you learn to love the life you have been given"... because this is it. There is no other life (or at least we know of) and we all need to embrace who we are, whether we are chronically ill or not and get out there and do those small baby steps to make ourselves happier with who we are.
I know I am...
Keep Smiling
Carla
No comments:
Post a Comment