Rejoice or Mourn

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

I do believe that this quote speaks volums. I have experienced alot of losses within the past year and half. I have always been the rock of the family and because of so many things that have happened to me over the last 6 years, I am not the strong rock anymore, only 1 person can take so much until we crack. But I guess it has always been my way, I have been strong since I can remeber, and so I guess that is why I have been always that way.

So I sit back at times and think back about where did I get my strength from?  And I think the one thing that keeps me strong and going is my Faith in God. (I know many of you nay sayers are going to poo poo me- but that is everyone's choice). As I stated at my Mom's funeral:

"Rejoice with others who Rejoice; Mourn with others who Mourn" Romans 11:15

This scripture spoke right to my heart on that very day and so I had not written anything down I just got up to the podium and looked out at all of the faces that where family, close friends, etc. and I recited that verse and then I stood there for a minute and I decided to add that today I was going to choose to "Rejoice" because my Mom was now with God, my Dad and other family members. But as I was sitting and drinking coffee on a very early Saturday morning due to Miss Maggie insisting that I should get up on Saturdays and Sundays at 5:30am just like any other week day. I sat there and thought about so many things that swirled thru my mind and you know I can't really remember everything I spoke at my mothers funeral (cause I didn't write it down I just spoke from the heart)... And when done I looked at my brother and sister's face and they were in tears so I know what ever I said spoke to their hearts also.

But you know after I left to go back to where I live I have struggled very hard with Rejoicing and I have been mourning. I have so much pain built up in me from the last 6 - 7 years, that I just don't know how I am ever going to get past all of it. I work hard every day to keep the past in just that "my past" and I try to look forward to what God has chosen for my future.

As anyone would do is look to God and ask "Why?" (I think we all have done this several times)... Why did she have to die? Why did he have to die? Why did my ex cheat on me? Why did he have to move? Why? Why? Why? and I know this is the human side of all of us. So the hurt keeps dragging us through all of the Why's in our lives. And as everyone keeps telling me that "God has a plan for your life" I do often question what his plan for my life is? Because I have been blessed with so many things in my life (such as my 3 wonderful kids), but why have they & I have had to suffer so many losses?

So as I withdraw inward and try to work on my grieving process I have to remember am I going to "Rejoice"?

I do believe that is the better option, so we all need to look at life ny "Rejoicing" with all that we have and not what we don't have or have lost. Cause someday I will see them all again in heaven.

So what is your decision going to be?  Will you "Rejoice with others who rejoice; or Mourn with others who mourn?

So Keep Smiling even through the pain...

Carla